March 6, 2018 at 3:06 pm #196153
Hello, I am new to this site. I have a 22 year old son who has been struggling with finding a career path. University wasn't for him. He lives at home but has been working full time since high school and pays for his own expenses. He has recently told us that he has applied to join the air force and learn a trade. On one hand we are very happy for him to have made a decision but on the other hand I am very scared about what he may be exposed to and his safety. Both my husband and daughter are thrilled for him and find his choice very interesting. I am not there yet but desperately want to be. I have not been eating and my sleeping has been affected. My usual work stress seems compounded since this news. I do suffer from depression and anxiety and this has caused a flare up. Any advice on how I can learn to accept his choice and be happy for him? How do I stop or lessen this excessive worry?
Thank youMarch 7, 2018 at 5:09 am #196203
You wrote that you suffer from depression and anxiety, prior to your son's plan to join the air force, correct? If you haven't attended quality psychotherapy it may be the time. If you did, it may be time to resume such or start therapy with a new therapist.
I suggest that you don't expect to feel thrilled about your son's choice. Don't expect to feel anything that you don't feel. There are plenty of ways to manage anxiety and plenty that is suggested in the blogs on the home page of this website.
It may, or may not be useful to explore this, if you will be exploring this with me.. starting with my question:
Did anxiety ever help you, did it ever increase your safety, so far in life?
anitaMarch 7, 2018 at 4:37 pm #196279
Thank you Anita. No, anxiety has never helped me so far…no matter how much I practice! I do have a therapist but unfortunately she is away on sick leave. In the meantime I am trying to get an appointment with my GP as she is also helpful. Thank you for your suggestions. I will check them out.March 8, 2018 at 4:08 am #196331
You are welcome. I agree: anxiety never helped me, never increased my safety or the safety of anyone I was concerned with. Anxiety only harms. In nature fear is helpful as it motivates an animal to run or fight real danger. In human life ongoing, repeating and exhausting fear (aka anxiety) reduces our ability to respond well to real danger, because we imagine danger to be everywhere. We kind of exhaust ourselves responding to imagined anxiety all day long and when real danger appears, we are often too exhausted to notice.
anitaMarch 8, 2018 at 10:40 pm #196421
Your feeling as a mother towards your son is valid. But it becomes unhealthy at the point when care for someone turns into worry. Worry is something when we create mental movies about an event even before it has occurred and then using the same movie to scare ourselves.
You are worried about his safety. But tell me is there any place in this world which is absolutely safe. Kids in the school are not safe. They don't even know what death is. Your son is at least matured. Right now if I get down my apartment and start walking I do not know who will try to rob me or cause physical violence or get knocked down by a vehicle. Nothing is really predictable. I recently heard of an accident in a bath tub causing to death. So can we say is it not safe at home too? In reality nobody is safe anywhere and Acceptance of this reality will take you to greater peace. This doesn't mean that you remain out of touch with your son when he is at his new place. You can still be caring with him.
Start to be glad that your son has now ultimately made a choice about his career path who was once struggling to do so at one point of time. You can start to shift your energy by thinking the opposite. “He was clueless at one time. What would he have done if he hadn't chosen his new career. May be he would have been stuck in the same place. May be he would have sit at home, either doing nothing, or may be could have taken some other job at an office. But would that have been his inner calling? No. May be the Divine has chosen him for this career by downloading this thought into his mind and that is why he is feeling it so intensely to go there. His inner guidance system is leading him there. Let me support and be a part of the Universal flow of life.”
Second thing would be for you to throw a party. Throw a party to your near and dear ones declaring about his career choice. Just for the heck of it. May be close friends and family. Or may be a only your close family members for a small lunch or a dinner outing. Your family members will be stunned to see this change in you after seeing you excited about it and this will make you even more excited. And you do all the arrangements right from inviting everyone to deciding the venue, the food and the place (and maybe even announcing everyone the pleasant news if you chose to call people other than your own family members). That way you will be engaged in being as happy, joyful and enthusiastic as others about this career decision.
VJMarch 9, 2018 at 4:06 pm #196605
Dear VJ – Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. What wonderful advice you give. And a great perspective. You are so right. I can be very creative at making my worry movies! I need to start changing my outlook and turning this into the positive thing that it is. At the end of the day we want our children to be happy and it is their life to live. I will take your advice and celebrate this with my wonderful son and all who love him. I know I will have some tough days but what parent doesn't. Thank you again.March 10, 2018 at 2:50 am #196617
You are welcome, Num6. This is the pic on today's TinyBuddha homepage.
Glad to know that you have chosen to celebrate and be in alignment with your son's dreams. Take care.
March 10, 2018 at 7:31 am #196639
- This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by VJ.
Thank you! Love the quote ?March 10, 2018 at 7:33 am #196641
? ﹰwas supposed to be a smiley face 🙂