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Would love some advice please!

HomeForumsRelationshipsWould love some advice please!

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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 30 total)
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  • #201931
    Kara
    Participant

    Thanks so much I hope so too he keeps texts and calls today so we will see- my phone gives me notifications when blocked calls and messages come thru :/

    #201939
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kara:

    You are welcome. I hope you keep posting with updates.

    anita

    #202171
    Kara
    Participant

    Thanks very much for your support anita.

     

    Im feeling very angry he keeps contacting me he just doesnt get it , why cant he get it? He says i cant make uo my mind if i love him in two weeks, he says i have to lisyen to him, i keep saying what is the point of these conversations are you trying to make me guilty? I said its over and i dont need to listen to you. He says why am i being mean why arnt i talking nice…..he just wants to hear my voice and loves me so much….i was sharo and said tell someone else because i do not love you…duh is he dumb why is he doing this again im feeling so much anger towards him.

     

    I have now changed to a new phone so he cannot ever contact me.

    Im so over this.

    #202173
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kara:

    I do hope indeed that you are “so over this”. Good thing you changed your phone number. Hopefully, he will give up trying to contact you. It is very important that you have no contact with him whatsoever, not in person, not on the phone, not online. See what happens next, hopefully nothing.

    anita

     

    #202187
    Kara
    Participant

    Yes totally.

    We have one mutal friend she called saying please can i unblock him or he said hes coming over. I told her im very serious and i want nothing to do with him. Which she told him, aprantly he is angry saying i used him for two years and im acting like a baby and how dare i do this to him again. He said everyone thinks im so nice but im actually not.

    I do feel guilty , i hate the thought he is bad mouthing me to her but know this is his process of him letting go i gather?

    I did tell her id rather not know what he says so i can keep guilty feelings away and keep peace in my heart. I know i never ever used him and i know i am a nice person and right now its best i focus on that. Thanks anita.

     

     

     

    #202269
    Kara
    Participant

    Yes totally.

    We have one mutal friend she called saying please can i unblock him or he said hes coming over. I told her im very serious and i want nothing to do with him. Which she told him, aprantly he is angry saying i used him for two years and im acting like a baby and how dare i do this to him again. He said everyone thinks im so nice but im actually not.

    I do feel guilty , i hate the thought he is bad mouthing me to her but know this is his process of him letting go i gather?

    I did tell her id rather not know what he says so i can keep guilty feelings away and keep peace in my heart. I know i never ever used him and i know i am a nice person and right now its best i focus on that. Thanks anita.

     

    #202271
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kara:

    It was a good initiative on your part to tell the friend not to tell you what he tells her. She has to respect your assertion, if she is indeed a friend.

    Anyone can bad mouth anyone. If you choose to bad mouth any person in the world, it is as easy as pronouncing the words. So he is bad mouthing you. It is so very easy. Can you imagine if bad mouthing someone necessarily scared the person into submission?

    I hope you are not scared to submission by his bad mouthing you.

    I hope you persist in zero contact with him, be cautious and let his storm settle  down. Keep yourself and your children safe.

    anita

    #202279
    Kara
    Participant

    Thanks very much.

    My anger has gone its more a little silly for going back to him, i beleive the guilt and beleiving all those words got me to go back to him?

    I feel i shouldnt have gone back now, but i do know if i hadnt of gone back part of me would have wondered and listened to him and felt guilt. I free from him now and not scared , i wont get talked in to going back again.

    I definitly do not have that now his true colours are showing, i see how he uses his words now. Its like i see the truth now.

    The onl thing im scared of his how i let this all happen? I feel dumb for not seeing what he was doing to me, he is a nice person .But emotionally he is very unhealthy he told me many things he never opened up about before inhis life  and became very attached to me unhealthy.

    Mum has always said how im vunerable and too soft, maybe i am i thought i was so much aware and strong person. Im learning to be more of an observer with my thoughts, i need to take a step back .

    Ive leant many many things from this relationship ???

    Thanks for listening. Again!

    #202283
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kara:

    I need to get away from the computer for about fifteen hours. Stay strong. Don’t be hard on yourself for having been with him, you met him at a vulnerable time and guilt tripping is an effective technique, works on a lot of people, you are not unique in this regard.

    Post anytime, will read and reply when I am back.

    * You wrote: “he is a nice person” in your very recent post. What do you mean by it, at this point?

    anita

    #202299
    Kara
    Participant

    Hey thanks for your time Anita.

     

    “He is a nice person….” at this point, to me, this means I am not holding all these actions against him, I am not a person to ‘bad mouth’ I say he is a nice person as in he is not acting this way to purposely to hurt me, it is not malicious. I believe he is mentally not well in all honesty.

    I understand why he acting the way way is. He did not deal with many heavy things from his past, and right now in his unhealthy mindset he believes only I can help/save him by loving and being with him. Which is dangerous and unhealthy, i fully get this now. i understand this now. this is not ever the man for me.

    It feels good to have clear thoughts of this, as before i was very confused by the promises, manipulation and erratic up and down behaviors and thoughts.

    My thoughts are clear now, first time in a long time (about him) interesting in what I wrote at the beginning of this forum. Im quite amazed how far I have come in just week to be honest,

    Thanks.

    #202323
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kara:

    You are very welcome.

    You wrote: “he is not acting this way to purposefully to hurt me, it is not malicious, I believe he is mentally not well”- I believe he is mentally not well as well, but I also believe he is acting this way to purposefully hurt you. Both are true, not one or the other.

    The intent to hurt another person is not an exclusive motivation of the mentally healthy.

    You wrote: “I understand why he acting the way… Which is dangerous“- I am glad you realize this and that you did come along way since the beginning of your thread. I am glad to be part of it, of your thread. Anytime you want to add to it (or start a new one), I will be glad to reply to you.

    anita

     

     

    #202429
    Kara
    Participant

    Yes you were a big part of it thanks very much!

     

    Also i dont really understand what this means…..The intent to hurt another person is not an exclusive motivation of the mentally healthy. ??

    #202431
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kara:

    You are welcome.

    I will explain. You wrote in the post before last: “he is not acting this way to purposefully to hurt me, it is not malicious, I believe he is mentally not well”

    By acting this way, you are referring in part to this: “apparently he is angry saying I used him for two years and I’m acting like a baby and how dare I do this to him again”-

    He is angry at you. When a person is angry at another, naturally there is a wish or intent to hurt the person one is angry at. This is what anger is about, not only in humans but in other animals: anger motivates an animal to fight, which means to hurt another animal.

    When your ex boyfriend is angry at you, naturally, he is motivated to hurt you, if not physically, than emotionally.

    It doesn’t matter if he is mentally ill or mentally healthy, when one feels angry, one is motivated to hurt the object of their anger. This is what I mean by the sentence you quoted.

    So he may be mentally ill, unwell, but he still wants to hurt, therefore he is capable of being malicious. The part that is good for you about his reputation of being a nice person, his reputation in his own mind, is that he is likely to not want to ruin it by going to far hurting you. Hopefully he will not go beyond what he said, that you used him for two years. Hopefully this is it.

    I hope I explained the sentence well enough, did I?

    anita

     

    #202603
    Kara
    Participant

    Bless you thanks yes i understand. I beleive you are very well with words anita 🙂

    I have now gone away with kiddies on wee holiday much needed thank you 🙂

    #202609
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kara:

    You are welcome. I hope you and your children enjoy your holiday.

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 30 total)

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