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Young Entrepreneur Seeking Wisdom & Help

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Melinda 2 weeks, 2 days ago.

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  • #342674

    Archer
    Participant

    I’m 24 and I feel dead inside. No, I don’t mean I feel sorrow or hopeless or negative emotions. I mean that I don’t feel anything.

    As an example, growing up I always had a dream of living in a modern loft. I achieved that dream and felt literally nothing inside – no brief spark of joy, just neutrality.

    I went to test drive my dream car, and it was exciting to look at, but once I went for the drive, I felt nothing.

    I don’t find any joy in life anymore and it’s killing me, my ambitions and my relationships.

    What makes things worse is that at 24 I feel like a shell of myself at 21.

    At 21 I had an unstoppable will of fire and blazed through every obstacle and nothing could hold me back. I was beaten down a lot but none of it even slowed me down. My desire and passion were so fierce that hitting my goals wasn’t a matter of “if” but “when”.

    Seemingly out of nowhere, while at my pique, living in a mansion (a gift from a friend in exchange for coaching) at 21, I woke up sobbing and feeling the deepest anguish I had ever felt before. It made sense for me to have felt this because I had finally earned my family’s respect/belief in my abilities. I had an abundance of women in my life. And I was able to live a lavish lifestyle given to me by my mentors simply because they loved my energy.

    My takeaway was that it was time to move on in life, and earn those lavish trappings myself. So I began a new conquest in the field of business.

    (and no, I never had to do anything bad, traumatic, or weird to get to the top, it was all earned).

    Fast forward 3 years and trying to start my own business has drained the soul out of me. I’m miserable and don’t know what to do. ( Getting a job is definitely not an option). What makes things so frustrating to me is that despite all my blessings, I still feel dead.

    I help local businesses market their services and am really damn good at it but I just don’t feel the passion anymore. I’ve never had a single client leave me or give me a hard time (they’re all very happy), and if I’m being honest with myself and you, I probably put in less than 20 hours/week of “efficient” work because I’ve built a team below me to help.

    I’m fit and closer to my dream body than ever, I eat healthy, have a girlfriend, no diseases/illnesses, and yet despite all these blessing I just feel dead inside with 0 passion.

    I feel like my social life is a giant charade. I don’t like fair weather friends and thus don’t have anyone I would consider a friend, I don’t trust women because during my wave of success I can’t tell you how many girls slept with me only to later confess that they had a boyfriend/husband, my family constantly offers their “support” but if I were to ever accept it, I know it would come with massive amounts of judgement.

    Financially, every time I start getting ahead, something unexpected happens (having to shell out thousands of $$$ to become a U.S citizen, random law suit over something an employee did, having to repair an expensive system in my vehicle).

    I hate to admit it but despite having a decent gross revenue, I still have little to no money saved (I’m also not a big spender. Eat out maybe once/mo, don’t have a fancy car, my living situation is actually more affordable than the previous one, etc…)

    The only tiny bit of motivation I find is in my neighbor (amazing guy) who has days where he makes $60,000. And he’s been actively trying to help me learn to make deals like he does and that’s inspiring. But 2 hours after that inspiration and it’s back to feeling like a living zombie.

    All I want in life is to re-ignite that will of fire and to become the unstoppable force that I used to be. I’m tired of waking up, staring at the ground for 20 minutes then going about my day. I’m tired of not being able to enjoy the things that really should get me excited. I’m tired of being so tired that I want complete solitude from the world. I want that fire back and am willing to try anything to get it. I’m not hopeless. I know that I can achieve anything I set my mind to – there’s just no fuel in the tank to drive it anymore.

    My current solution is to grow my business. This month I’ve trained and expanded my team so that I can focus on sales and client acquisition. I think if I can add another $10,000/mo in income, then I’ll at least have enough money to try as many new things as I want and maybe in one of those new marketing fields I’ll find passion again.

    And as terrible as this is to say, I think just being in a “relationship” might also be doing this to me. My girlfriend is amazing, beautiful, and ambitious but the thrill of pursuing women was always something lit a fire in me. My girlfriend knows this (I’ve always been honest about who I am and what I like) and even though I can pursue women for pleasure if I want, there’s not even a fire to do that anymore (I feel sexually dead too).

    Has anyone ever felt completely dead inside and how did you overcome it?

    #342696

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Archer:

    Can you afford a quality psychotherapist?

    anita

     

    #342700

    Ines
    Participant

    Hi Archer,

    Maybe you could try volunteering a few hours a week or a month. Find somewhere where you can enjoy helping others (people or animals). There is a lot of personal benefits in volunteering, it helps with depression, finding purpose, feeling useful, and beside you get to meet amazing people.

    Good luck!

    Inès

    #342832

    Melinda
    Participant

    Hi Archer,

    From what I am reading, it sounds like you have had a lot of goals in life, but they have all been to teach your family to believe in you.  I experienced this myself for the majority of my life.  However, I discovered the issue was not me.  It was that I was surrounded by people who enjoyed putting me down to make themselves feel better. Are you surrounding yourself with a support system of people who care about you and assist you when you feel discouraged?

    The people in my life at the time did make me feel completely dead inside.  No matter what goal I accomplished, they continued to haunt my thoughts and dreams.  It didn’t matter that I had proved myself.  I had not forgiven myself for letting other people hurt me.  Realizing I was not at fault for the cruel actions of others, which took a couple of years on my own (I could not afford a therapist) significantly helped me heal.  When your family is not kind and supportive, it is NEVER YOUR FAULT they choose to treat you that way.  Positive affirmations programs may be able assist you with remembering that.

    Also, it is very brave and ambitious of you to start your own business instead of riding the train of your mentors forever.  Starting your own business can be incredibly stressful.  Are you taking personal days/ vacations and giving yourself time to recover?  Burn out is very powerful.

    Think about your goals.  Are they based on just wanting material things and wealth?  Are you only wanting things for yourself? Are your goals dreams you can carry out forever even after achieving them, or are they only things you can physically pick up and out down?  What are your reasons/ambitions for chasing your goals?  I have found when I make goals that are focused on helping others, my inspiration and ambition are infinite (as long as I am not experiencing burn out at the time), because things that help people will always be needed.  In general, make sure your goals, even if they may be only about helping yourself, are things you can continue to provide for yourself even after the initial achievement.  Don’t be afraid to add on and create bigger goals either.

    Also, is your business virtual or do you go to an office?  Virtual work has lots of pros, but one of the cons is lack of social interaction. Is very common for virtual workers to feel isolated and have trouble pursuing opportunities that make them feel less isolated.  Make sure you are taking care of your social needs. Connecting with people when you feel numb emotionally is not easy, but it is doable if you can choose friends or acquaintances who invite you to go to events/go outside in general.  They don’t need to be your closest friend, but you can only meet new people if you are giving yourself opportunities to meet them.  Join a club.  Volunteer. Try some new hobbies.

    As far as relationships go, my rule of thumb is: Don’t find someone you can live with/tolerate.  Find someone your life would be ‘less’ without.  Having found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, I can honestly say that there is not much of anything that would be more fun or fulfilling without him.  Being with someone you want to do life with is energizing, not draining. That’s not to say don’t have times we just need to go be introverts and enjoy activities independently, but we definitely usually want each other around otherwise.  Are you with someone you tolerate, or someone it would be devastating to you not to have in your life anymore?

    Overall, the best thing to do would be to find a therapist.  Make sure the therapist you pick uses strategies that line up with your beliefs.  For example, if you don’t like medications/doctors, make sure the person you go to focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy and the like instead of psychiatry. Psychology today has a great directory of certified therapists https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

    Also, though this is a great community of support, please remember that users, such as myself, and this site are not intended to provide and do not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. Nothing here is designed to replace, medical or psychiatric treatment.

    Sincerely,

    Melinda

    #343638

    Archer
    Participant

    Not this quarter but in the next I will be able to. That’s something I’ve considered.

    #343640

    Archer
    Participant

    Hi Archer,

    From what I am reading, it sounds like you have had a lot of goals in life, but they have all been to teach your family to believe in you.  I experienced this myself for the majority of my life.  However, I discovered the issue was not me.  It was that I was surrounded by people who enjoyed putting me down to make themselves feel better. Are you surrounding yourself with a support system of people who care about you and assist you when you feel discouraged?

    No…ish – the people in my environment don’t put me down. They’re encouraging and inspirational. But it’s not real friendships. The only reason we’re together in life is because of circumstance and not bonds. I feel like I can’t show signs of weakness with anyone – the guys in my life and my girlfriend. 

    Guys because life moves on and they’ll move on with it. Girlfriend because when girls fall in love with the guy who’s crushing life, that’s who they fell in love with. But then, when you’re no longer that guy, they fall out of love. I’ve seen marriages fall apart and several women say things like “you’re not the man I fell in love with”. Women, will on the surface are supportive, underneath/emotionally they feel very punishing.

    The people in my life at the time did make me feel completely dead inside.  No matter what goal I accomplished, they continued to haunt my thoughts and dreams.  It didn’t matter that I had proved myself.  I had not forgiven myself for letting other people hurt me.  Realizing I was not at fault for the cruel actions of others, which took a couple of years on my own (I could not afford a therapist) significantly helped me heal.  When your family is not kind and supportive, it is NEVER YOUR FAULT they choose to treat you that way.  Positive affirmations programs may be able assist you with remembering that.

    I actually don’t care that much what my family thinks. I abandoned a double major in chemistry/mathematics when I was 1 year away from graduation to pursue my dream. In a sense, I was exiled by the family. Then I carved my own path and now we can at least see eye to eye. 

    Also, it is very brave and ambitious of you to start your own business instead of riding the train of your mentors forever.  Starting your own business can be incredibly stressful.  Are you taking personal days/ vacations and giving yourself time to recover?  Burn out is very powerful.

    Sort of – I work every day. But it’s because I want to. I take time off daily to work out, enjoy a sauna/hot tub, and play some video games.

    Think about your goals.  Are they based on just wanting material things and wealth?  Are you only wanting things for yourself? Are your goals dreams you can carry out forever even after achieving them, or are they only things you can physically pick up and out down?  What are your reasons/ambitions for chasing your goals?  I have found when I make goals that are focused on helping others, my inspiration and ambition are infinite (as long as I am not experiencing burn out at the time), because things that help people will always be needed.  In general, make sure your goals, even if they may be only about helping yourself, are things you can continue to provide for yourself even after the initial achievement.  Don’t be afraid to add on and create bigger goals either.

    I always wanted the Playboy lifestyle of Hue. But then ask I started getting the girls I realized how stupid and empty it was within the first 2 weeks. That was what I was working towards for so long. The money, women and power. Now I don’t know what I want.

    I know I don’t want to be broke.

    I know I don’t want to powerless.

    I know I want to be disciplined, successful, etc… But I don’t know why or what for.

    Also, is your business virtual or do you go to an office?  Virtual work has lots of pros, but one of the cons is lack of social interaction. Is very common for virtual workers to feel isolated and have trouble pursuing opportunities that make them feel less isolated.  Make sure you are taking care of your social needs. Connecting with people when you feel numb emotionally is not easy, but it is doable if you can choose friends or acquaintances who invite you to go to events/go outside in general.  They don’t need to be your closest friend, but you can only meet new people if you are giving yourself opportunities to meet them.  Join a club.  Volunteer. Try some new hobbies.

    I picked up fighting as a hobby and it was fun for a while but then got boring. My work is completely virtual. I don’t feel like connecting with people because I feel dissociated from society. I got to a social level where people felt like robots that could be influenced to do x/y easily and I didn’t like that. It was like seeing the wizard behind the curtain and realizing that humans are more animal than they are special.

    As far as relationships go, my rule of thumb is: Don’t find someone you can live with/tolerate.  Find someone your life would be ‘less’ without.  Having found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, I can honestly say that there is not much of anything that would be more fun or fulfilling without him.  Being with someone you want to do life with is energizing, not draining. That’s not to say don’t have times we just need to go be introverts and enjoy activities independently, but we definitely usually want each other around otherwise.  Are you with someone you tolerate, or someone it would be devastating to you not to have in your life anymore?

    I really like this piece of advice and would appreciate your ideas further. I tolerate my girlfriend, but I think that’s more to do with me than her. Right now, all I want to do is focus on my own personal growth so that I can be a better man. But because I’m so focused on fixing this rut I’m in, I feel like it’s affecting my perspective of the relationship/her. On paper she’s amazing. And regarding my distrust of women, I think that’s going to be a lifelong issue regardless of the woman in my life.

    Overall, the best thing to do would be to find a therapist.  Make sure the therapist you pick uses strategies that line up with your beliefs.  For example, if you don’t like medications/doctors, make sure the person you go to focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy and the like instead of psychiatry. Psychology today has a great directory of certified therapists https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

    This seems like the best advice too. Thank you for sharing your ideas.

    Also, though this is a great community of support, please remember that users, such as myself, and this site are not intended to provide and do not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. Nothing here is designed to replace, medical or psychiatric treatment.

    Sincerely,

    Melinda

    #345086

    Melinda
    Participant

    Hi Archer,

    It is very important to be able to trust your friends and significant other in both bad times and good times.  What do you consider to be signs of weakness?  Could you also elaborate a little more on what you mean by ‘crushing life’?

    It is good to have work that you do because you want to.  Many people do not understand the importance of having ambition or passion towards their careers.  I have found that and use my blog, book, and participation in forums to assist others and doing the same.  Congrats on already reaching that point.

    Also, creating times you have full days to yourself instead of working seven days a week when possible can be very beneficial. I used to work seven days a week with multiple jobs.  Once I finally reached a point in life where I only needed one job,  it took a long time (over a year)  to learn how to relax and not be in a constant state of adrenaline rush.  Sometimes, when we work too much, our bodies can stop sending signals that we are tired–causing the possibility of burning out without even noticing.  I now make it a point in my life to take one day completely off of work per week, and it has been insanely helpful.

    Not wanting to be broke is a very reasonable goal.  Define your version of powerful/powerless please.  It sounds like you already have quite a bit of discipline to be running your own business and working independently towards your goals.  It is good that you have figured out what you don’t want. You should also work on figuring out what you do want and how you want to perceive yourself. Figuring out who and what you want to be as a person often comes before figuring out what you want, but not always.

    Focusing on personal growth is a great route towards also figuring out what you want in a relationship.  Following your instincts and you heart.  A person can be perfect in your eyes but still not be perfect for you. In the personal growth department figuring out who you want to be (from paragraph above) usually leads to developing your preferences in what you see as a desirable partner. The big thing there is to figure out what you consider to be non-negotiable qualities.  For example, I believe empathy, kindness to people and animals alike, and emotional depth are important. Decide what is important to you.

    Best of luck,

    Melinda

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