Confidence

[Bluelagoon]

Hey!
I’m a 22 years old girl, i don’t smoke, drink, do drugs or have random hookups, but i feel that i’m extremely attracted (not necessarily in a sexual way) to people who does. Every time i hear someone willing to get drunk someday, i’m like wow, this guy must be so cool. I mean, i’m definitely not willing to change my choices that’s for sure, but i feel like i’m not confident enough to be proud of them. I have this feeling in other situations too, i always to tend to feel that other people decisions are better and starting reconsidering mine.
I really need to be a more confident person, but i don’t know how to do that.
Thanks for your replies.

[jock]

Thanks for your replies

but I haven’t replied yet?

[Bluelagoon]

Future potential replies

[jock]

sorry about that
definitely stick to your guns, don’t change to please others.
I’m much older than you and I can tell you from experience. Be strong. don’t give in. Shakespeare said “to thine own self be true”. they are the immature ones. You are wise enough not to get into that BS.

[Anonymous]

Dear Bluelagoon:

When you come across a person that drinks or drinks too much alcohol and/ or one who does drugs, observe that person, ask him or her questions and learn about their lives, not taking what they say as truth but see what you can learn about how their lives really are. If you examine and learn you will probably see for yourself that drinking and drugging does not make their lives good, that it makes things worse. Don’t take my word for it, or the word of public health ads, examine for yourself.

See beyond the moment: a person who drinks and seems happy, how are they when they come out of the high? You are often not there to see. You only see the cool behavior. But this is so not only regarding drinking and such. You see people happy at the moment and you may think they are often like that but you don’t know how they are in private, at home, when they are alone.

Another point: I wonder if you are bored with yourself playing it safe, doing the right thing…? Maybe you need adventure of some kind, doing something “out of the box”?

anita

[Sann]

Dear Bluelagoon,

I recognise that, also struggle with it. I’m 33, so i think you have quite a lot of advantage over me, for being so strongly aware of that, at a lot younger age.

I don’t know the answers because i’m still struggling with it myself, but i’d like to share some thoughts, also out of my own experience.

Do you hang out a lot with people who do those kinds of things? Or do you also have friends, who have other ways, perhaps more similar like yours?
Because i read that you compare yourself a lot with others, and i wonder if it helps, to have people around you that you appreciate, who don’t do those things.

I remember when i was around that age, i felt a lot of peer pressure, i always felt inferior to others, because i didn’t go out much or do drugs or didn’t hook up. That was like that standard.
And i admire it that you do your own thing.

I wonder, the fact that you doubt yourself so much. Is it mainly that you feel you are not good the way you are, because you are doing other things than your peers. Or is it because you want to be accepted, and are afraid of what other people think of you, for not doing the same as them?

I really need to be a more confident person, but i don’t know how to do that.

I recognise that thought very well.
I also often say that to myself. But now i’m starting to think: i can’t force myself to suddenly become a more confident person, that is something that will have to grow. I can learn, more and more, to do different things that will help me to become more confident, to let it grow. And that will be a gradual process with many ups and downs, so we’ll need to be patient with ourselves.
I don’t know if it makes sense what i’m writing, that is the way i see it right now.

Keep doing your own thing, regardless of if you think it is good enough for others.

[Anonymous]

Dear Reader: “i can’t force myself to suddenly become a more confident person, that is something that will have to grow. I can learn, more and more, to do different things that will help me to become more confident, to let it grow. And that will be a gradual process with many ups and downs, so we’ll need to be patient with ourselves.”

These are words of wisdom, worthy of being read and re-read.

anita

[jock]

“i can’t force myself to suddenly become a more confident person, that is something that will have to grow. I can learn, more and more, to do different things that will help me to become more confident, to let it grow. And that will be a gradual process with many ups and downs, so we’ll need to be patient with ourselves.”

I agree these are wise words.

[Author]

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