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I am strong and weak, struggling with self image

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  • #114508
    sufia
    Participant

    I get looked at a lot because I am a female with facial hair in unwanted places. In our society its a laughing matter. I guess why i am posting this is because, I am hurting inside and wanting to express freely without being judged. The truth is I know that I am beautiful, that’s how I feel when I look at myself in the mirror. The issue I have is with the people’s mindset in our society, my hair attracts a lot of constant unwanted attention from all kinds of people (children, teenagers, young adults, and even some elderly people). I get the constant stares, no one really acknowledges me through eye to eye contact, the first thing they look at is my facial hair on my face. Sometimes, they smirk or laugh at me. Whatever it is, the point is it’s incredibly hard to deal with people’s narrow minded definition of beauty.

    The good part is I am working on things in my life that will give me blessings in return. I am working hard on my biochem degree and will be done soon. I try not to focus on the negatives. I am strong and weak at the same time. I am strong, because I follow my own heart, I am not a follower. If other people or friends are doing something or have something that I don’t, I have always thought to myself that doesn’t mean that needs to be me. This has made me mentally independent and due to this my life has been full of odd amazing blessings. Life has been fortunately unusual and unconventional compared to my friends.

    I guess I just want to express today how low i feel at this moment and I am sad that people can be so judgemental and shallow. I don’t know how to deal with this feeling. How do I stay strong inside when people are constantly staring at me or laughing at me. Outwardly I am strong but inside, I start to hurt and feel heavy with sadness. Not sure how to deal with this one? Also if you don’t have an answer, that’s okay too, just say something nice and that will mean the so much to me. Thanks tiny buddha community!

    #114514
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Dear endlessskies,

    There is more to you than the facial hair and I am glad you are very much in sync with that. The best of us aren’t made of diamond armor – hell we are weathered down by internal battles by life’s sudden curve-balls..You are mentally independent and despite these circumstances beyond your control, you are making the best of your situation. I admire your courage and independence.

    Have you ever heard of Lizzie Velaquez? Someone posted a clip/pic of her and labelled it as “the world’s ugliest woman” and it broke her heart. People said such horrifically cruel things to her blatantly. This is a tedx talk she gave about her life afterwards.

    I dont really have much to say except that i could offer you a virtual hug and say “you go girl, follow your dreams!” 😀

    Regards,
    Nina

    #114532
    Hana L
    Participant

    Hello endlessskies,

    There’s a quote you may have come across before – “Those who mind don’t matter, those who matter don’t mind”.

    You are strong. Strong people also get hurt, and that’s okay.

    Yes it hurts when people who don’t know who you really are (i.e. your personality) judge you by appearances. The thing about beauty is that it’s really subjective to different people.

    I had recently experienced a situation where a few people acted as if I wasn’t a human being worth their time talking to (like what happened to common courtesy?). It hurt, and I thought about various things related to the situation :

    In my gratitude journal: I was grateful I had friends and family who cheered me up when I told them about the situation.

    In my personal journal: I wrote about how my self-worth took a hit when I was treated in that way when I didn’t do anything to offend said people.

    Lessons learnt from the incident: I would never treat people in that manner, and I’d keep on smiling (even if my smiles have to be forced in certain situations). I feel that if a person brought value to my life, then I would reciprocate in kind – otherwise some people are better off being avoided due to their negativity.

    (Well that example is a bit different to your situation, but I think you can relate to gratitude, expressing yourself personally and not bottling up, and reflecting on how you are going to act from then on.)

    There will be people who like acting in a somewhat negative manner. It’s not you, it’s them.

    Hope this post helps!

    Hana

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by Hana L.
    #114565
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear endlesskies:

    People used to make fun of me because I displayed facial tics, those involuntary twitching movements. It was very painful for me, to be made fun of, laughed at. And I couldn’t stop those tics. Not for long.

    But in your case, can you not have the excess facial hair permanently removed? I understand the technology is there!

    anita

    #114577
    VJ
    Participant

    Dear endlessskies,

    1) Yes you are already beautiful, undoubtedly.
    How? – At the time when our body dies (before it gets decayed) we still lie down there with the same physical structure – our hair, features of the face, body structure, (even the T-shirt), etc. that was on the same morning when the person dies. If someone shaved on that day then the dead body will be cleanly shaved. If we had a lot of beard or a moustache on that day then the dead body will be seen that way. Irrespective of the physical appearance, the body has died. The physical body is still lying there, but then what has gone from the body such that the person is being called as “dead”? What is no more “inside” the body such that the same person (or body) who was talking and laughing yesterday is now no more moving lying out there? That’s the Life-Force inside our body that animates our being. That’s the Soul that gives life to the body. Without the soul, the body is like a light bulb without electricity. In short, we are not the Body but the Soul. We are the Soul and this Body is our medium (vehicle) through which we express our thoughts, feelings and actions. The Soul, in itself, does not have any physical structure like eyes, nose, ears, face, beard, etc. Those are features of the body. The Soul is just a sparkling, a jewel, a radiant inner being. You (and I) are that beautiful radiant inner being. That is why it is said as “You are the Light”. You are the light, no matter what’s gonna be. The Body keeps on changing but the Soul remains the same. – “You are the same, you are eternity.”

    With the above knowledge always in the intellect of your mind, make a distinction between your Body and your Soul. Separate them out. Be as much as possible in the Soul-Conscious mode versus the Body-Conscious mode. You can do that by imagining yourself as that beautiful sparkling seated at the center of your forehead. Imagine the below picture whenever you come across any unfavourable situations that bother you.

    (https://s9.postimg.org/j5nbtxdpr/Soul_img.jpg)

    May be you could save it onto your mobile to refer frequently.

    Continue to keep focusing on your work and all your blessings that you mentioned. Continue to “Be the Light” to the world, that you already are.

    2) Got through Sam Berns’ ‘My philosophy for a happy life’ who was diagnosed with Progeria, a rare, rapid aging disease, at the age of 2.

    3) “How do I stay strong inside when people are constantly staring at me or laughing at me.”

    At first, separate out and visualize yourself as described above in Point 1) during those unfavourable experiences.
    At some situations when our visualization goes weak, like it happens for all of us, use the below practical tip which you will surely be able to do.

    All you need to do is simply say, declare, chant, sing, proclaim, or even just think the word “PRAISE”.
    Keep repeating it either silently or loudly or mentally, however you want and whenever you want and especially during those unwanted situations.

    Explanation:
    PRAISE – to feel beautiful; to feel yourself charming and attractive; to praise yourself irrespective of anybody else’s opinion.

    ————————————————————————————-
    These are very powerful words and they are called as Switchwords.
    More details on what they are and how to use them are explained in the below post.
    You can take a look at it at a later stage.
    (http://tinybuddha.com/topic/need-a-miracle/#post-114281)
    ————————————————————————————-

    Keep yourself equipped with these things and you will continue to Be The Light of your Soul because You Are Not Your Body!

    Take Care.

    VJ

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by VJ.
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