Dear iamfreee:

It seems to me that when you were a young child, there was simply not enough love for you. Not enough. So the little that there was yours, you didn’t want taken away. You became fiercely protective of the little love that came your way. When your mother paid attention to the other girl that visited you, that girl took away something that was yours, something you didn’t have enough of.

You didn’t have enough love not because you were greedy but because really, it wasn’t enough. Your mother didn’t pay you enough attention. This is why you were bullied in school for so many years. Your mother wasn’t attentive. If she was paying attention to you, she would have gotten involved and removed you from the bullying situation. Maybe she didn’t notice you were distressed from being bullied, being busy with other things.

If you as a child received the attention you needed, the attention that any child needs, then you wouldn’t have worried someone else, a friend, will take it away. There would be so much of it for you, you wouldn’t feel threatened by another person getting a bit of it. And so you grew up wanting to be number one. You tried to be number one for so long, since early childhood and you still try to be Molly’s number one.

Best is if you attend psychotherapy with a competent, caring therapist so to process the hurt of not being number one as a child, for not getting the attention and love you needed then. Once you process that hurt over time, the need to possess will get weaker and weaker.

anita