Hi Maria and Anita,

I had a day retreat yesterday because it was my birthday. And I thought it would be a good thing to do for my birthday. I do feel more at peace with myself, helping me to re-evaluate things.

Anita:
One of the consequences is that I feel I jumped into my marriage too quickly. At that time I did have a hunch of making a second thought to this marriage thing, and from what I remember, at that time I felt that I should say yes because that guy (my husband now) previously had a rough time breaking up with his ex-fiance, and I didn’t want to break his heart again – like making him feel he can’t find love (old habits of thinking other people’s first). And when things go flowing and people swapping at you about weddings etc, I didn’t get the time to listen carefully to what my heart says, or so I believe.

I don’t know whether this is a fog in the air or what it is – when now getting better at listening and being brutally honest with myself, I find myself not wanting a “normal life” – have a stable job, have kids, etc, And recently it dawned onto me that however much we try to understand and communicate with each other, something is just not right – I can’t explain – it’s a feeling I guess.

Thanks for listening, it’s hard to write all these deep feelings down, maybe I’m just blinded, but I would really appreciate any insights from you (and others).