My answers about why I’m alone are purely conjecture but they are honest conjecture. I don’t have any of the answers. I’m taking shots in the dark because no one is yet to clearly and concisely say “John, do this and this and yo won’t be single anymore.” Everyone keeps telling me how I have all of these great qualities but they don’t do anything for me so I need to determine if they’re lying to me or if there is some other horrible aspect about myself they refuse to tell me about or they can’t see themselves.

If I’m not honest I feel I’m being denied some I deserve and unfairly judged by everyone. I feel like I have all of these great qualities but no one sees them or no one cares. I feel I as though I am good enough for most of the women I reached out to who I had an earnest interest in but for one reason or another I was rejected without being given a fair chance. That’s what I want to say. That’s what I want to feel. But as much as I want to feel that I know it is untrue.

Except no one owes it to me to give me a chance, least of all women. I’m constantly told this and I see it everywhere. I don’t assume I’m entitled to a woman’s attention at all, mind you. I’m fully aware their lack of interest is a reflection of who I am as a person. I mean how arrogant and self centered would I have to be to feel as though another human being was required to give me a chance? Am I wrong? I mean men are constantly torn apart for having the audacity and the chauvinistic arrogance to believe women owe them a conversation, a smile or anything. I have no such assumption they owe me anything. I’m ignored and rejected because it is obvious how unlovable I am.

Please, I implore you or anyone to offer me another reason why I’m ignore and alone. Be honest. Am I legitimately worthless and unlovable? Tell me so I can stop wasting my time and energy. Am I not selling myself right? Tell me and show me how to do so better. Does my OkCupid profile suck? Tell me help me rewrite it.

My answers are horrible. I want to believe that. I want to believe I am lovable. I want to believe I can find love. But reality doesn’t support these beliefs. So please help me to better interpret them. Even my therapist won’t hhelp me make sense of any of this. I don’t know what secret password I need to tell him so he’ll help me sort it out but he’s definitely not earning his pay when it comes to telling me why I’m unlovable and alone.

I just want to know how to get someone to let me love them and to love me in kind. If there’s nothing there to love… well then I need to know that for certain. If there is a something to love then I need to know how to make someone else care.