Thank you @Authorgirl . Sadly your opinion is in the minority. If if a 10th of the people I reached out to gave me that sort of benefit of the doubt I have no doubt I’d be in a happy relationship by now. Sadly it seems I deserve no such benefit of the bout. I am alone because I deserve to be. If I didn’t deserve to be alone I wouldn’t be alone. I need to know how to become good enough to be loved or to hide whatever glaringly obvious flaw that I have that makes the idea of loving me so utterly repugnant.

What’s my approach to dating? I don’t I can’t get other human being to even recognize me as the same species, let a lone to out to coffee and talk.

I’ve tried online dating. Multiple websites. Hundreds of messages sent to hundreds of people. At first I was picky but as my spirit was crushed I cast a wider and wider net until I had given up all notions of standards and was reaching out to anyone just to see if I could get a response from anyone.

I tried connecting to people based on something we had in common. I tried starting conversations. I tried complementing them. I tried straight up asking if they wanted to get coffee or see a movie. The only time I receive a response is when someone want to take the time to tell me how very much they are NOT interested in me.

I’ve tried going to place where people who share interests wth myself would congregate. I’m a massive loser so naturally I enjoy table top Role Playing Games, trading card games, video games and most things with a science fiction or fantasy theme. I tried going to local trading card game tournaments, book stores, gaming meet ups and the like. I’ve tried striking up conversations with people wherever I go if anything to brush up on the social skills I never developed (not just women, I just try my best to be friendly). But people can tell I’m not worth talking to.

I have Asperger’s Syndrome so body language and other non-verbal contact cues are beyond my understanding (not for lack of trying). To me it is almost as if everyone else has telepathy and they use that invisible language to convey the truth of what they are saying while openly and verbally lying to me about…. well just about anything. There is one form of body language I’m familiar with. I see it all the time. It’s the “I don’t care, please go away” body language. It’s unmistakable. I see it all of the time. Somehow people can use their non-Aspergered brains to tell, virtually instantaneously, that I am not wort their time.

I mean by the sheer odds of probability I should’ve ran into someone with a loser fetish or who was genuinely interested in giving me a chance. But I guess that’s like rolling a 6 sided die and hoping it lands on an 8. There’s statistically impossible and then there’s impossible.

That’s really the sum of it.

It’s like everyone else speaks two languages, one verbal and empty and one hidden and dynamic. Meanwhile I speak a version of the verbal language which HAS to be more honest and meaningful because… well because it’s all have to go off of and there’s enough confusion going around withing adding my own deceit into the mix.

How do I think it impacts my ability to date? Honestly? I don’t know if it does. I’m very high functioning. I know others who are less functioning than I am and they have been in relationships. Why can can all of these other people who are depressed, anxious and have Asperger’s all all find love and not me? Fantastic question. I knew I wouldn’t be single (I would be and I wold at least know why I’m stuck this way).

How do I suspect it inhibits my ability to take? Simple. I don’t convey emotions or social cues “properly” (Yes, properly. As in I do them WRONG. Don’t patronize me, if it wasn’t wrong it wouldn’t be a disorder.) and I almost don’t pick up on them from others at all. However as other friends and acquaintances of mine who have Asperger’s I doubt this is the big thing holding me back…. if anything it’s part of a complicated cocktail of overlapping qualities that exclude me from being a viable and lovable individual.

@Authorgirl Remaining single is out of the question. Having a loving relationship and having someone else in my life is the only thing that matters. I should be able to attract a romantic partner. Virtually everyone else can, so why can’t I? Lots of people who are far more messed up than I am are able be desirable enough to attract a loved one. Why can’t I?

I’m going to be 31 this month. I’ve been trying to put the pieces of my wretched existence together for nearly 25 years. I do not expect I’ll succeed anytime soon. Heh, at this point it’s like trying to put together a broken vase from a pile of talc someone else handed you. You know nothing about what the vase is supposed to look like, or if it even was a vase to begin with. Also the feat is impossible.

Also I’m a man. I don’t know if you were using a woman as an example or empathizing with me under the assumption I was a woman but I am very much a man. I’m also aware, through doing numerous searches on the web, that this is not a problem you see posted me men. For every 1 post by a man asking why he’s unlovable there are hundreds more by women. This is not a problem men like to openly share or seek help for…. or maybe it’s not a problem they tend to have. Either way it makes me feel even worse because, in my mind, it makes me feel as through my current problem is that much more atypical. That there’s something deeply and severely wrong with me.

For me being single is a death sentence.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by John.

My answers about why I’m alone are purely conjecture but they are honest conjecture. I don’t have any of the answers. I’m taking shots in the dark because no one is yet to clearly and concisely say “John, do this and this and yo won’t be single anymore.” Everyone keeps telling me how I have all of these great qualities but they don’t do anything for me so I need to determine if they’re lying to me or if there is some other horrible aspect about myself they refuse to tell me about or they can’t see themselves.

If I’m not honest I feel I’m being denied some I deserve and unfairly judged by everyone. I feel like I have all of these great qualities but no one sees them or no one cares. I feel I as though I am good enough for most of the women I reached out to who I had an earnest interest in but for one reason or another I was rejected without being given a fair chance. That’s what I want to say. That’s what I want to feel. But as much as I want to feel that I know it is untrue.

Except no one owes it to me to give me a chance, least of all women. I’m constantly told this and I see it everywhere. I don’t assume I’m entitled to a woman’s attention at all, mind you. I’m fully aware their lack of interest is a reflection of who I am as a person. I mean how arrogant and self centered would I have to be to feel as though another human being was required to give me a chance? Am I wrong? I mean men are constantly torn apart for having the audacity and the chauvinistic arrogance to believe women owe them a conversation, a smile or anything. I have no such assumption they owe me anything. I’m ignored and rejected because it is obvious how unlovable I am.

Please, I implore you or anyone to offer me another reason why I’m ignore and alone. Be honest. Am I legitimately worthless and unlovable? Tell me so I can stop wasting my time and energy. Am I not selling myself right? Tell me and show me how to do so better. Does my OkCupid profile suck? Tell me help me rewrite it.

My answers are horrible. I want to believe that. I want to believe I am lovable. I want to believe I can find love. But reality doesn’t support these beliefs. So please help me to better interpret them. Even my therapist won’t hhelp me make sense of any of this. I don’t know what secret password I need to tell him so he’ll help me sort it out but he’s definitely not earning his pay when it comes to telling me why I’m unlovable and alone.

I just want to know how to get someone to let me love them and to love me in kind. If there’s nothing there to love… well then I need to know that for certain. If there is a something to love then I need to know how to make someone else care.

My opinion of my self has never matter to anyone. I have spent a quarter century tring to put myself together and have gone through numerous therapists and forms of medication. I can NOT wait for myself to be complete before I find love. I do not have that luxury.

To me, admitting that I have to run through all of these blasted hoops before I’m capable of finding lobe deserving of love is an admission that I am unlovable. It’s giving up. It’s defeat. It’s confirming and admitting that everything I’ve been saying about myself is true.

NO ONE ELSE has to jump through all these hoops just for a woman to respond to you. NO ONE ELSE has a much love to give and to offer as I do. No one else is in as desperate and starved to feel the love an acceptance of another human being as I am. If I have to jump through all of these hoops just to be loveable then I’m admitting there’s something deeply wrong with me, so deeply wrong with me that it makes me unlovable beyond all hope. It makes me less desirable then the jerk who is dating one of my friends and abuses her or the violent drunkard with violent anger issues who will always have been married one time more than he’s been divorced. It means I am less repulsive than those… those cruel, abusive and vile and inhuman monsters. I REFUSE to believe that as I am I am a lesser choice to Billy Bob the Boozed up Beater, Conceded Charlie the Chronic Cheater, Abusive Andy, Manipulative Manny and all of these other despicable characters who can attract a mate and who appears desirable. I’M BETTER THAN ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE. I must be. If I’m not than I am the absolute lowest possible form of scum on earth.