My opinion of my self has never matter to anyone. I have spent a quarter century tring to put myself together and have gone through numerous therapists and forms of medication. I can NOT wait for myself to be complete before I find love. I do not have that luxury.

To me, admitting that I have to run through all of these blasted hoops before I’m capable of finding lobe deserving of love is an admission that I am unlovable. It’s giving up. It’s defeat. It’s confirming and admitting that everything I’ve been saying about myself is true.

NO ONE ELSE has to jump through all these hoops just for a woman to respond to you. NO ONE ELSE has a much love to give and to offer as I do. No one else is in as desperate and starved to feel the love an acceptance of another human being as I am. If I have to jump through all of these hoops just to be loveable then I’m admitting there’s something deeply wrong with me, so deeply wrong with me that it makes me unlovable beyond all hope. It makes me less desirable then the jerk who is dating one of my friends and abuses her or the violent drunkard with violent anger issues who will always have been married one time more than he’s been divorced. It means I am less repulsive than those… those cruel, abusive and vile and inhuman monsters. I REFUSE to believe that as I am I am a lesser choice to Billy Bob the Boozed up Beater, Conceded Charlie the Chronic Cheater, Abusive Andy, Manipulative Manny and all of these other despicable characters who can attract a mate and who appears desirable. I’M BETTER THAN ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE. I must be. If I’m not than I am the absolute lowest possible form of scum on earth.