Dear a heartsicklion:

What a story, and you tell it so well.

I understand B’s anguish at knowing his girlfriend to whom he was getting ready to commit to a life together (if I understand correctly) had sex with his own father. It is a difficult thing to endure and he is not required- by any ethical requirement- to endure such knowing. It is understandable if upon such knowing, that he would choose to terminate his relationship with you. There is a lot of suffering for him in knowing this and it may be too much to take.

And his abuse of you is unjustified and wrong.

I agree: you deserve to heal. For the purpose of healing, you will need to be free of abuse, physically away from B, and due to circumstances, physically away from S and from their father, from the three of them, living elsewhere, where you are not going to come across any of them.

Then psychotherapy with a competent therapist will help you. When you were with the father, drinking, the alcohol contributed to the lack of good judgment. Also contributed was your pattern of not asserting yourself with men, letting them use you sexually, as you indicated. And then, I think there is that physical attraction you have to the physique of these ” tall, muscular, strong-jawed types, and each of them are obscenely and inhumanly strong.” There are other factors, I am sure. Your relationships with your parents as a child and onward.

What are your thoughts at this point?

anita