Dear Shirley, Earth Angel:

In your first post of yesterday you wrote: “demanding parents diminish their child’s self-esteem while passive parents tend to spoil their children.”

I am paraphrasing this sentence: Demanding/ critical/ harsh/ bullying parents create an Inner Bully in the child while passive parents who do not set limits for their children do not create the compassionate, gentle Inner Critic that the child needs.

The child needs an Inner Critic to set limits. The child needs the confidence and trust that he/ she can function in such ways as not to destroy oneself. The child needs to know, for an example: I can trust myself to not run into a busy street just because I feel like running. I know that I am supposed to stop and look both ways and cross the street only when it is safe. I can do it. I can keep myself safe.

If a child has passive parents who do not teach the child limits, the child, in this example, would run into the busy street and get injured or die.

The child does not need an Inner Bully, one that would say to him/ her: you stupid! Watch where you are going! you can’t do anything right! Why are you so spaced out! etc. Such an Inner Bully makes the child suffer so much that the child is not likely to function well. It would make the child in the example so distressed that she WILL be spaced out and not notice the busy street!

Response to your latter post is next.

anita