I think I resent the change of personality that came about during the vacation. I resent that I had to tolerate years of feeling like I am lesser than him. It seems that was how he was able to cope with his unemployment and bankruptcy 10 years ago, by making me feel like the “little woman”, even though I continued to rise up the career ladder, and took over all payments, in order to keep the life stable for my young son at the time. He recovered but the rules never changed. I was still paying everything, because he stated I dont save money. He is a good saver, but it almost feels like hoarding sometimes.

I feel leery as to what is the motivation of this change? As we both get on with jobs and just the 2 of us being in the home, it may change back to the original behavior. Not sure if he is just relaxed post-vacation or what. I dont feel love for him anymore, just a tolerance and pity for several years going back now. I see his dependency on me growing daily. I hate being the “mommy” all my life.

As for R-1, his naivete’ has put him in his situation. He also went through bankruptcy and lost over a half million dollars in stocks and investments during the 2008 crash. This exacerbated the anger and hate from his wife, and escalated the destruction of their relationship from the fine lifestyle they had before. He works 6 days a week now, and pays the house bills. He doesn’t have any significant nest egg, so is very concerned to just walk out and lose his interest in the house. Interestingly he has never asked for assistance or a dime from me, though he knows I am at a high level job and make a comfortable living. He refuses even as I had offered a small sum for an emergency that came up, and always insists on paying for all expenses when we are able to meet up.
My warning signs are the financial situation that R-1 is in, as well as some of his passivity with the family. I guess there is a downside to “too much calm” sometimes, huh? His attention and words are sweet, and I am being as rational as possible with the reality of all this. I have told him “talk is cheap..” He has stated he will walk away from all of it, pick me up and let us disappear off the grid, if I asked him to. Very tempting, but I laugh it off and say what next after that? Life is complicated on both sides, and it isn’t that easy. I am seeing that I cant depend on anyone, just me. And since my heart is numb towards R-2, it feels kind of sad to think I would just hang out here til I die?
I feel I wont marry again, to anyone. I will want the freedom to walk away from any relationship, without all the strings attached. Once married, men start to relax and not make the effort as much after the first few years.

I do love R-1 very much, but wont become so connected, that his problems become my problems due to a married legal status. Who’s kidding who? It will take years for me to go through all the legal steps of divorce myself, in order to protect and not lose all I worked for. I just want to be free to live my own life, not be responsible for coordinating R-2’s life and his increasing dependency on me to take care of everything, right down to the dental appointments, laundry, cooking and packing his lunch. It would be great to have a decent apartment and live my own life, without having to say where I am going, or having the phone ring 4-5 times when I am out shopping, etc, for the day. The way I am feeling right thismonet, is I could just get in my car, grab my dog and do a “Thelma and Louise” but without the Louise. Apologies for the long answer, just good to type out my gut!