HI Anita,
Yeas you have understood where I am coming from. It seems like the nurse caretaker role is one that I find many nurses like me, who settle for taking care of a lesser man than they deserve. Many of us are considered a catch, because we are a “nurse with a purse”. A wife who can have a career, and not be taken care of, no pressure on the man to have to worry about taking care of both himself AND her. But as young people, we date doctors, lawyers, etc, and notice how they don’t “need” us, and don’t need a caretaker. We don’t feel as important, and search for the man who needs some sort of care-taking. I am not speaking of all, but a lot of nurses that I know of.

The idea of not talking care and fixing things for others is attractive. I’m tired. I do want that freedom, and realize that the interactions/relationship I have had for the last 36 years, is what has always “worked” for R-2. I dont think he knows any other way.
I feel like the following example:
A crab trap is a ridiculous piece of trap, that allows crabs to crawl in and crawl out through that large opening. . They all get in there, and a solo crab can’t break free. He is pulled down by the others, and not free to get out. It is like he has to stay in the crab trap, because the others wont let him free and pull him down every time. I have felt like that. I know there is an opening, but I cant free myself to move quickly on what I need to do, in order to breathe freedom. Pulling e down are my thoughts and “what if’s. It is all my doing, I know that for sure. I think the challenge I have, is that I do not have any close girlfriends or friends to confide of this. I see a therapist, but that is once a month or so, and I just don’t have that weekly support from a good friend that wont judge me. I have confided in one friend a year ago who lives alone in a 4 bedroom cabin, but she disagrees and says that R-2 ain’t so bad, and she had worse and I should stick it out. That I owe him something for 36 years together.(!) She says she stuck it out until he died. (Hmm, convenient, no?). She doesn’t offer a few days respite or even a room for just a week or two, when I leave. And has never asked me since about any of that since then. . I realized I did not and do not have anyone who would support me emotionally, so I have to toughen up and not break. I feel so alone with Nan’s Little Secret.