Oh, I skimmed this thread a bit (but I still don’t have the energy to read it completely right now). It makes me curious about you and what you do in your life? It made me imagine what would be my life like if I was more like you?

You see, I used to really do nothing worthwhile except browse the internet and play video games. Of course, those activities aren’t completely worthless in themselves. I’ve learned a lot and I can appreciate games as an art (The best ones have narratives and beautiful worlds and not mindless points systems).

However, I am in college now. I can’t go back living the way I used to. Nor do I wish to. It’s a completely unbalanced way of living. I guess that’s why I have a bit of confusion when it comes to participating in a forum such as this. It’s still the internet. It’s still not completely balanced. So I pretty much cut-off a lot of extra stimuli. However, still, I end up yearning.

Now I’m just trying something else right now. Maybe it’s not that I have to cut-off stimuli. Maybe it’s that I need to be engaged in something worthwhile. But as I said, I’m not sure whether to consider this worthwhile. However, I do know that when you are exposed to positive people, you end up becoming more positive as well. Also, if you try to help others, you are able, somehow, to help yourself.

So maybe it’s still better than other forums. I mean, it’s a case to case basis. Is it good for me? Is it only good for other people?

I guess part of my confusion stems from the fact that I try to copy other people. My peers don’t use forums… And then I guess I get confused. Do I really want to spend a lot of time on forums? I wanted to catch up on books, films, social issues and current events because I’m really behind on those things. And I really do enjoy them. But I crave belonging and sometimes I get restless even in the midst of a good film or book.

Honestly, I know I’ll be much more at peace if I just finish my homework. I have fun doing schoolwork too. I like what I read, but it has the same problem as when I watch films or read for leisure. Sometimes I feel like I have ADD. But the only reason I don’t tune-in or listen or progress smoothly at my reading sometimes is because I’m too preoccupied about things that are more…well…about me and my current concerns. I guess that’s natural? But it’s become so chronic that it disrupts “normal life”.

I don’t know if it’s really ADD or if it’s just because I’m troubled by something, and once I am not troubled anymore and fix this “dissonance” with my self-concept and the actual organization of my life, then maybe I won’t have so much trouble concentrating anymore.

There are periods of HYPERFOCUS such as when I’m writing. How can that be ADD? (Although the hyperfocus comes with drained energy, tense-ness, and whatnot. Like I’m too absorbed already, or my thinking tends to be obsessive).
I still get high test scores and have great memory at times.
And I guess I didn’t have this when I was a kid (the days BEFORE THE TRAUMA).
And, of course, there are times when I’m really fast and efficient at doing the things I enjoy as well as my responsibilites. No distractions. No sudden onset of desperation or confusion.

But it really depends…
I get stressed because of this…