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- This topic has 94 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 3 months ago by Anonymous.
June 13, 2016 at 10:02 am #107133AnonymousGuest
You are welcome and I am glad you are here! I enjoyed reading your post above and looking forward to read more from you. I hope you have a great day yourself and anytime you want to start a thread I will be glad to communicate with you there.
anitaJune 14, 2016 at 5:05 am #107229SeanParticipant
I am Sean. I recently split with the mother of my Son after 8 years of an on/off relationship. I feel like I put a lot into the relationship and in the end she was violent to me and claimed I ended the relationship. In reality, I left the house as I was afraid of her. When I went back to try to fix the relationship, she would not reconcile.
I have gone from seeing my Son daily, to a few hours a week. It is a massive re-adjustment. Since he was born 2.5 years ago, almost everything else in life took a back seat. The day I saw him first, I didn’t feel a lot but the day after, I woke with these amazing feelings of love, respect, wanting to take care of him and give him the best life I can. I wanted to be with his mother more & more then and she has pushed me away. I found and find that very difficult.
I’m here just to get a different perspective on life. I live in Ireland and since my Son was born I don’t do a lot outside of my time with him. I guess it would be great to get ideas here and opinions and move my life forward. As I am only 42, I am young enough to meet someone new and maybe have a family with them, but it feels like the past is a millstone around my neck. I’ve taken on a lot of guilt from the relationship over the years and I’d dearly love to move away from that and to live life again.
Thanks for listening,
Sean.June 14, 2016 at 6:59 am #107230AnonymousGuest
I am glad you posted and welcome to my thread. I feel very sad for your son and for you. Especially for your son to be away from you since I understand you are a loving father to him. What a great shame that his mother is keeping you away from him. It is scary to think: if she is willing to harm her son by separating him from a good father, what else is she doing to him or not doing for him… I wonder if there are legal actions you can take so to have way more time with your son, and if his mother is violent, as she has been with you, if there is a way to integrate that into legal action for the purpose of removing your son from her custody?
If you see a point in discussing this very point further, will you start a thread? If you will, click FORUMS, then choose a CATEGORY (Parenting perhaps, or Relationships, you choose), then click the chosen category, go down the page to the empty box and type there. Will be glad to reply to you there. Other members will have the opportunity to reply as well.
anitaJune 14, 2016 at 8:23 am #107240SeanParticipant
I will start a new topic. Going by the laws in Ireland, I am doing well to have the time with him that I have had, but given his age and that I’ve lived with him for close to 1/3 of his life, I might be able to get more time through court. However the fight is gone out of me to go that route again. I still love his mum very much and as I say to everyone I speak to on this, you are all only hearing my side of the story, not hers. I had asked her to go to counselling after she was violent to me, she refused saying we would be going to discuss her anger issues. Definitely not – if she had points to raise on me, I wanted to listen. I had no plan on giving up on her or the family after 8 years.
She also accused me of sexually assaulting our son. She did so in front of her daughter. She withdrew the claim 2 weeks later and she has no problem giving me weekend/overnight time with him. I love him so much. I yearn for us to be a family. But when one person is driven to physically assault the other and make false accusations, serious questions need to be asked. Hence, I am not socialising at all, spending a lot of time on forums, looking for answers.
I thank you all for reading.
Sean.June 14, 2016 at 8:30 am #107242AnonymousGuest
I read your latest post and looking forward to your thread. If you are reading this before starting a thread, will you share there more about this 8 year on and off relationship, the specifics of her violence toward you? How has she mothered her daughter (previous relationship I understand), what kind of a mother has she been to the girl and to your son? What is the nature of her relationship with the father of her daughter? What do you know about her childhood… And what kept you with her during those on/off again 8 years?
anitaAugust 27, 2016 at 9:49 pm #113470
I can’t reply so well right now. Normally I would read all the posts in this thread first and think carefully about what I would say.
This is my first post. Right now, I came here out of desperation. The gist is that I don’t know where I belong. I had trouble not only finding a place to belong offline, but also online. My family is okay, but doesn’t satisfy me. I have social anxiety also.
I posted on a social anxiety forum only to be slightly discouraged because I really don’t expect much from online communities. It seems that most people are lazy to read and write lengthier things over there. Is it okay to link to my post outside of this forum?
I have had a lot of progress since I first had social anxiety (it was triggered 10 years ago when I was bullied). I’m tired right now to expound, but I guess it’s because I overworked myself writing and searching for forums for half of the day. But basically I’ve made progress, and I’m happy at times. But there are times, just like now, when I’m back to old habits, doing “unnecessary things”, distracted from my work and feeling “desperate” to find something, anything.
I did start the day peacefully. I was doing my homework. Though I’m kind of use to the pattern that comes up after I’ve progressed a bit with my work. I end up feeling really unmotivated and confused like I don’t know what to do with my life.
When I start describing my situation to anyone, whether written or in-person, it often does get complicated and I give myself and other people headaches.
I’ve been familiar with TinyBuddha for a while. I usually just do a google search of my current concern and then usually find an article from here. I never went on the forums, though. Maybe this is what I need?August 27, 2016 at 10:10 pm #113472
Oh, I skimmed this thread a bit (but I still don’t have the energy to read it completely right now). It makes me curious about you and what you do in your life? It made me imagine what would be my life like if I was more like you?
You see, I used to really do nothing worthwhile except browse the internet and play video games. Of course, those activities aren’t completely worthless in themselves. I’ve learned a lot and I can appreciate games as an art (The best ones have narratives and beautiful worlds and not mindless points systems).
However, I am in college now. I can’t go back living the way I used to. Nor do I wish to. It’s a completely unbalanced way of living. I guess that’s why I have a bit of confusion when it comes to participating in a forum such as this. It’s still the internet. It’s still not completely balanced. So I pretty much cut-off a lot of extra stimuli. However, still, I end up yearning.
Now I’m just trying something else right now. Maybe it’s not that I have to cut-off stimuli. Maybe it’s that I need to be engaged in something worthwhile. But as I said, I’m not sure whether to consider this worthwhile. However, I do know that when you are exposed to positive people, you end up becoming more positive as well. Also, if you try to help others, you are able, somehow, to help yourself.
So maybe it’s still better than other forums. I mean, it’s a case to case basis. Is it good for me? Is it only good for other people?
I guess part of my confusion stems from the fact that I try to copy other people. My peers don’t use forums… And then I guess I get confused. Do I really want to spend a lot of time on forums? I wanted to catch up on books, films, social issues and current events because I’m really behind on those things. And I really do enjoy them. But I crave belonging and sometimes I get restless even in the midst of a good film or book.
Honestly, I know I’ll be much more at peace if I just finish my homework. I have fun doing schoolwork too. I like what I read, but it has the same problem as when I watch films or read for leisure. Sometimes I feel like I have ADD. But the only reason I don’t tune-in or listen or progress smoothly at my reading sometimes is because I’m too preoccupied about things that are more…well…about me and my current concerns. I guess that’s natural? But it’s become so chronic that it disrupts “normal life”.
I don’t know if it’s really ADD or if it’s just because I’m troubled by something, and once I am not troubled anymore and fix this “dissonance” with my self-concept and the actual organization of my life, then maybe I won’t have so much trouble concentrating anymore.
There are periods of HYPERFOCUS such as when I’m writing. How can that be ADD? (Although the hyperfocus comes with drained energy, tense-ness, and whatnot. Like I’m too absorbed already, or my thinking tends to be obsessive).
I still get high test scores and have great memory at times.
And I guess I didn’t have this when I was a kid (the days BEFORE THE TRAUMA).
And, of course, there are times when I’m really fast and efficient at doing the things I enjoy as well as my responsibilites. No distractions. No sudden onset of desperation or confusion.
But it really depends…
I get stressed because of this…August 27, 2016 at 11:01 pm #113476
I joined this site yesterday and I would like to introduce myself to the new members thread. I’m an I.T. professional from India. I’m interested in sharing various ‘Life Healing Techniques’ with anyone who is facing any concern or challenge in their life.
I have learned these techniques during my challenging times and still learning more of them as and when any roadblocks occur in my day to day life, and want to share those for the benefit of others.
Comforting anyone with words do produce a healing effect, but I believe that doing a practical healing technique has greater effect than words like “just let it go/don’t worry/just relax” (for eg). The problem with this is simply saying to “let it go” won’t work. One must be guided “how to let it go”. That is where these healing techniques come into play and cause a greater and lasting effect.
This website is a wonderful place to know people’s problems, share helpful and knowledgeable information as well as seek for help.
VJ.August 28, 2016 at 8:34 am #113500AnonymousGuest
Welcome. I just read about the Bach flower remedies after you recommended them to different members here on this website today.
Bach flower remedies are solutions of alcohol and water—the water containing extreme dilutions of flower material developed by Edward Bach, an English homeopath, in the 1930s. Bach claimed that dew found on flower petals retain imagined healing properties of that plant. So for every emotional challenge a person has, you believe, there is a little bottle of liquid one can purchase. Consuming that liquid will cure the emotional challenge. Your advocated healing technique is to drink a liquid in a bottle.
I read that there is no scientific evidence for efficacy of this Bach-flower-remedy, that it was researched and no evidence of efficacy was found beyond the placebo effect, that is if a person believes drinking this liquid (alcohol and maybe a dew drop collected from the petals of a flower…?) will make him feel better, than he may feel better.
How do you reconcile the lack of scientific evidence with your promoted healing suggestion?
anitaAugust 28, 2016 at 8:48 am #113501AnonymousGuest
I am not the owner of this website nor am I a moderator. I am a member here just like you, only I joined before you have, more than a year ago and have been very active here since.
I read your two posts. There is disquiet in you, distress. Would you like to share more about the trauma you mentioned? I wonder if you attended or if you are attending psychotherapy? Wonder if you are living with your parents and more. If you’d like, will you start your own thread: click FORUMS above, choose a CATEGORY, click on the chosen category, go down the page and type there (You can copy from your above posts and paste there).
anitaAugust 28, 2016 at 3:16 pm #113522
I’ve only recently started psychotherapy (late last year). I know I should have gone when I was much younger, but it was only in college when there was actually a research organization within the school that gave free psychotherapy. I find them to be much more professional than the Guidance office in our college. But I think I should have at least visited the Guidance office when I was in elementary until highschool. But it didn’t cross my mind back then.
I’m from a country in Southeast Asia so I guess this wasn’t a very common way to solve problems, so my parents never suggested it to me and just assumed I would outgrow my shyness.
I’ll post more in my other thread. Thank you so much for your genuine interest.
August 28, 2016 at 11:07 pm #113574Nina SakuraParticipant
- This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by helleia.
I would like to know more about you as well. I am been very shy too most of my life and was bullied quite a bit in school over my appearance, reserved nature. Parents too were rather introverted by default and never quite encouraged much socializing, just focus on studies mainly. It has improved though since college but i still struggle with anxiety of this type. read my thread and you will get an idea 😛 I just wanted to say its pretty normal, this issue you are facing and even where i am from, psychotherapy/counselling isnt the usual route for these things, more like the last route when things get really bad.
Do post more 🙂
NinaAugust 28, 2016 at 11:40 pm #113579
Not all vendors of Bach remedies use the minute percentage of alcohol in their remedies. Other ‘non-alcoholic’ ways of keeping the contents fresh include keeping the bottle in a fridge, or adding a teaspoon of cider vinegar or vegetable glycerine. Moreover, alcohol or brandy if used are for preservation purposes, just like they are used in our cough syrup, in which case they are used to allow inclusion of materials which wouldn’t otherwise dissolve in water or as a solvent.
You may want to visit the FAQs on the below website
especially on questions like –
-Do you need to add alcohol to a mixing bottle?
-Is it safe to take the remedies if you are a recovering alcoholic, given the brandy content?
And if you still have more questions then you may visit the site’s Help -> Contact section.
Your information from Wikipedia is right. But I do not need scientific evidence to understand how electricity works, although I still enjoy its benefits by watching television.
I do not have a personal website on Bach Remedies nor I am in any way associated to these. It’s simply that I have used them and has effectively worked for me and to several others, at least as their reviews say so. I have also suggested information other than Bach remedies and there are more that are going to come based on personal experience.
The varied list of links provided to a reader are just a collection of links on the web. I wish to make it easier for the reader by providing information that points out to the right page so that they do not need to do more of the digging. Of course, they can if they want to.
I intend to share something that could work for a particular type of problem. Of course, its up to the reader who has the free will to decide whether to choose them or not. Due to varied types of personalities of people, some may give it a try, some may not. It’s just like while buying a new item, one would check what is it all about, what are the contents, positive vs negative reviews, efficacy of the product, pricing comparisons, etc.
Moreover, Lori has done a neat job of having the Disclaimer on every single page of each forum.
I figured before reading your last post here that indeed you are following the website guidelines, hence I have no complaints regarding your postings. I am impressed that you are aware of the guidelines and are conscientious.
I will not argue the issue of the product you are promoting. I don’t believe in it at all but I will not argue against it just as I am not in the habit of arguing against the beliefs in after life heaven and hell, ghosts, crystals, psychics etc.
anitaAugust 29, 2016 at 8:05 pm #113688
Yes I agree about your disagreement to the things you mentioned in your response and its a personal opinion.
Different people on this website are at different stages of the evolution of consciousness on the planet. Some may be “healed” with multiple conversations and some may require “healing” through various ‘life healing techniques’ or some may require both.
Let’s each one of us on this website strive together to share what we have got and make this earth a better place to live.