August 29, 2016 at 8:28 pm #113692
Take care as well, VJ.
anitaSeptember 13, 2016 at 11:30 pm #115095NamelessDude3332Participant
This thing is awesome, I’m a new member here trying to learn more about myself and life. I love the vibe, I think this is the best website I’ve seen. I’ll make sure I check this more often.
I am about to make a huge change in my life, and I think this website might help me. Thank you all for this.September 14, 2016 at 10:57 am #115157
Welcome! If you would like to start your own thread about your huge upcoming change, please do so: click FORUMS, choose a CATEGORY, click the chosen category, go down the page and post there.
anitaSeptember 23, 2016 at 4:30 pm #116065noritParticipant
I tend not to introduce myself on forums, but thought as I’m trying to make a new start and be more engaging, here may be a good place to start. So hello! I am going by norit.
I found this website when looking for answers as to how I got this way, and it’s been a huge impact in helping me begin to understand things, and start to feel a teeny bit of self worth. I’m 25 with social anxiety. I’ve been at home for several years and am beginning to be able to go out more. To be honest I don’t really know myself, and don’t have a lot to say about myself aside from that.
Excited to talk with you all more here, and continue to grow and learn.
noritSeptember 23, 2016 at 7:11 pm #116088
Glad you are here! I do hope you connect more with others, here on this website and elsewhere. Do it at your own pace, as gradually and as slowly as you would like. You wrote that you don’t really know yourself. This statement is making me curious, wanting to get to know you.
I just answered your thread. Post there anytime. Will be glad to be part of you learning more about yourself. It is through connecting with others that we learn about ourselves.
anitaOctober 9, 2016 at 12:23 am #117583ShippParticipant
I found the Tiny Buddha page today and after reading some of the posts, wanted to share. This sharing is difficult for me because I haven’t fully put my truth into words, to myself much less to others, yet but hopefully, this will be a part in my healing process. So here it goes:
Last October I almost died. When I woke in the critical care unit of the hospital, I was scared, to the core of my being scared. I realized so much in very little time: my life must change, how I think about myself, my beliefs, and my world must change, and also that I will carry a reminder of just how fragile life is with me every day, in my body, for the rest of my life.
For many years prior, I had already felt that there is more to a quality life. By that I mean the richness and fullness that comes from inner peace, happiness, love, understanding, knowledge, giving of yourself and an ongoing sense of wonder and exploration. Over the past year, I have spent time searching myself, holding a mirror to my being and coming to terms with where I am in perspective to where I want to be in my soul’s journey. I feel an sense of urgency to have the courage to change what I can and learn what is just outside of my current understanding. Peace and forgiveness are two areas that I struggle with even now.
If you or anyone else reading this would like to share authors, teachers, books or online material that impacted their life’s journey, it would be most welcomed.
Although nerve wracking, I do feel better after putting my plight into words. Thank you and Tiny Buddha for giving me a space to vocalize!
~ShippOctober 9, 2016 at 8:49 am #117592
Welcome to tiny buddha! I am a member here just like you, only been here longer.
I read your post and glad you shared that which is so meaningful to you, the … awakening of sorts, last October. Your awakened need and desire to experience the “richness and fullness that comes from inner peace, happiness, love, understanding, knowledge, giving of yourself and an ongoing sense of wonder and exploration”
You asked for ” authors, teachers, books or online material”- I have none to suggest. I read things in the past but at this point in my life I use my “Beginner’s Mind” to observe and learn and experience, best I can.
That “ongoing sense of wonder and exploration” you wrote, that is a child’s state of mind. A “Beginner’s Mind” means having the mind of a child. And a child does not need to read and learn about wonder and exploration- it has wonder naturally.
Since this thread was started by me, if you would like other members to respond, will you copy your post above, then go to FORUMS, choose a CATEGORY, click it, go down the page to the empty box and paste your post there?
In the thread you will start, you will be the Original Poster (OP) and I as well as other members will respond to you there.
anitaOctober 25, 2016 at 12:15 pm #118899sherry sageParticipant
This is as good a place as any for a first post.
My name is Sherry and I have been married for six and a half years to a wonderful Scots man.
I’ve been enjoying the Facebook page of Tiny Buddha and felt it might be time to check out the forum.
My reasons for joining are to make friends and to find answers to my spiritual imbalance. My mind is a frenzy of worries, internal arguments and negativity and has been for the past ten years or so, and I fear it is only getting worse, not better. Sometimes I even feel id be better off leaving my physical state. I don’t want to die…I just want to transition to a different place so maybe my life can start over. but I know that is not likely to happen because I do have a reason for being put on earth.
Calmness finds me at times but then it gets interrupted when my thoughts wander…then I get off track. SO annoying.
This behaviour doesn’t help me focus on what my life can be and how I can go about doing things instead of just dreaming about doing things.
Good news though, I’ve already read some really cool things! Shipps post… talking about a serious life event causing a drive to make changes. That was really inspiring. Life IS indeed fragile and it’s passing by too quickly.
Wondering now, since nothing in my life is drastically changing…that maybe it is a sign that my life is really okay, no need to worry so much.
So, many thanks Shipp and thanks Anita for this chance to introduce myself.
See you all around the forum!
SherryOctober 25, 2016 at 6:34 pm #118917
Welcome, glad you joined!
I read your post on the thread about how your mind works and on the other thread as well as the above. Ten years of worry and internal arguments. Would you like to share more about it? So to get my input, perhaps?
Or, if you’d like others’ input as well, you can start your own thread (click FORUMS, choose a CATEGORY, click your chosen category, go down the page to the empty box).
I am curious to know what happened ten years ago, what is the topic/s of your internal arguments; did you attend psychotherapy in the past/ present, did you try meditation, yoga..?
anitaOctober 25, 2016 at 6:49 pm #118920sherry sageParticipant
Thanks Anita, sure I will repost this in my own thread.March 30, 2018 at 10:28 am #200125JaclynParticipant
Hi Anita et al,
It’s been quite a while since anyone has posted on this thread, but I’m new to the forum, although I’ve visited the TinyBuddha site before. I was pushed toward these forums by a breakup that left me emotionally unmoored and feeling a desire to connect with others who are also experiencing turmoil in their lives. As a way to put my own issues into perspective and better understand the nature of the world we live in, and to connect with my own spirituality, I have come to this website and to these forums and found solace. I am excited to further explore the forum and I hope I can impart some of the wisdom I’ve gained in my own experiences! This seems like a very nurturing space, and I’m happy to have found it.
JaclynMarch 30, 2018 at 10:40 am #200129
Welcome to the Forums! Glad you are here. I hope you do impart some of the wisdom you gained, looking forward to read from you. If you would like, you can start your own thread (as well as replying to members on their own threads).
anitaApril 8, 2018 at 8:33 am #201321JoelParticipant
Hi I’m Joel
I’ve been following Tiny Buddha on social media for a few months and found some of the things posted helpful and thought I’d see what the forum is like. I hope it’s okay I joined since I wouldn’t say I’m a Buddist, in fact, I don’t know what I am. I was brought up Christian and have been a Christian for about but in the last few years, I started to question Christianity. For me, there seemed to be a lot of inconsistency in the Bible. While I think there is some good in Christianity there are also bad things as well. I’ve come to the conclusion that the Bible, while in part inspired by the divine, is mainly the beliefs of the writers of the scripture and may not be absolute truth. I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s good in all religions. Some people are good and some are bad and all religions seem to attract both.
For me, I think many of the teachings of the Buddha are very helpful and if embraced by the world we would be in a better state than we are now. Right now I use the Headspace app and have occasionally meditated without any guidance. I admit I don’t meditate every day but I’m trying to get into the habit of doing so. When I do meditate I feel at peace. I love the feeling of being aware of my surroundings during meditation. Maybe someone could say I mix I also subscribe to the Secular Buddism podcast and I’ve gained some insights from it.
Anyway, I guess I’ll find out if this forum is for me by the reactions I get.April 15, 2018 at 6:53 am #202479AireneParticipant
I stumbled across Tiny Buddha after reading a post on Facebook. I love it! The postings help me stay grounded and bring me a lot of peace. I also love the forums, which help me figure out solutions to my own problems, and give me the chance to offer support and a perspective that might help someone else.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family where love was there in name, but it was a conditional kind of love. My mom was an alcoholic. In spite of this, I loved her and miss her. She was a stay at home mom. She could be funny and was practical and perceptive, but was also sick a lot, tired, depressed, and would yell a lot. When I think about things analytically, she was sick because it was more socially acceptable to say “I don’t feel well” than it was to say “I had too much to drink last night, I’m depressed and I can’t function in the adult world.” To this day, I have an extreme aversion to anyone, other than my kids, talking about “not feeling good”. When someone says that I think “Here we go!” And I kind of shut down and close the door on any compassion or empathy. I don’t like that about myself, but I understand why I am that way.
She did go to rehab once for her drinking. I remember visiting her and trying very hard to make her happy. In fact, I spent a disproportional amount of time doing things because I wanted her to just. be. happy. I won’t say I lived my life for her because at the time, I thought I was just being a loving, caring daughter. But I see it now as being more of a co-dependent relationship. When I was 18 or 19, after she had been to rehab, I started going to meetings for families of alcoholics and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA). I tried talking to my mom once about her drinking. She got mad and we never talked about it again. There is a good example of the conditional love – “I will love you as long as you continue being in denial about my drinking and all the chaos involved with it.”
I tried talking with one of my brothers about my mom’s drinking, and he talked to my dad – my dad got mad. And then my brother was mad at me. Very messed up. By this time, my other brother was into drugs and drinking, and had already had one or two DUI’s. My sister was – and still is – angry, and thinks it is only about the fact that my mother was an alcoholic. However, it was and is a family problem.
Throughout all of this, my dad tried to control everything around my mom to make her less depressed and anxious, including controlling my three siblings and I. We lost all sense of boundaries and also lost the chance to just be ourselves. We became kids who could cope and function in an alcoholic household, and not in a healthy way. There has been a lot of emotional damage. We had expectations of us that were beyond what we should have had to deal with as kids. It was only a few years ago I realized I can’t remember a time my dad ever said anything positive or supportive or even loving to me. He didn’t yell, but he was cold and critical. In an ironic way, this has helped me be a better mom in that I tell my kids I love them, I try to correct any wrongs I might do along the way, and I try in my very awkward way to talk with them about things that are hard to talk about.
It has taken me a looooooong time to understand boundaries, what I am and am not responsible for, and to learn better ways of coping with all that life throws at you. It has taken an equally looooooong time for me to reconcile all the feelings that come with growing up in a dysfunctional atmosphere and change behaviors that sabatoge the life I wanted to live and am living today.
The life I am living today includes an almost 30 year marriage to a guy who also grew up in an alcoholic family. As much as I want to say that foundation has given my husband and I a strong marriage, it really hasn’t. The good thing, though, is that both he and I had been to meetings to learn about alcoholism and how it affected us. Still, we have hit many bumps in our marriage, and have been to counseling several times.
We have 4 kids who have each taught me so very much. I have learned from each one that I am capable of doing far more than I ever thought I could. Our daughter, who has special needs, taught me about unconditional love in every sense of the word. I am grateful because even though I would hear about unconditional love, I really didn’t know what it was until we had our daughter.
We also have three sons. Two are grown and living independently. The third one has complex, lifelong medical needs after having a brain tumor. He has taught me about acceptance, and how maintaining a positive outlook can make or break a bad situation. I encourage him to pursue life on his terms, in spite of his circumstances.
I’ve had my own struggles with relationships and with being aware of how I truly feel about anything. I have trouble getting angry, or recognizing where anger is appropriate and justified. I have friends, but I trust no one, and with the exception of my kids, I find it safer to be detached from most people and situations.
However, I am probably at the most peaceful place in my life, ever. I feel confident in my ability to handle anything else that might come my way, good bad or otherwise. Part of that is because of age, and part of it is life experience, for sure.
Thanks for reading my story, and I will see you in the forums.
AireneApril 15, 2018 at 8:02 am #202485
I am glad you are here. I read your replies to other members and am impressed by your intelligence, insight, sensibility and gentleness with the members you responded to.
You wrote: “I spent a disproportional amount of time doing things because I wanted her (your mother) to just. be. happy.” And you wrote: “Throughout all of this, my dad tried to control everything around my mom to make her less depressed and anxious, including controlling my three siblings and I”.
It is interesting to me how your mother, her depression, her distress took center stage in your family. All members of the family perhaps focused on her depression, her distress and how to make it better. In that dynamic, where were you and where were your siblings.. on the sidelines, not attended to, neglected, not seen, not heard.
“I have trouble getting angry, or recognizing when anger is appropriate”- I wonder if you remember feeling angry at her when she yelled a lot. (I wonder a lot of things)
Thank you for posting here and welcome to the Forums.