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    I really thought about not responding to your post but I’ve decided that this is one exception that I will make in regards to standing up for myself.

    First you wrote you “think that the idea and initiative (and maybe execution) of his children to move out and be disinherited was yours, and that the idea to divide his money between your two daughters was also yours“.

    Then you wrote “the abuse Emmet’s children suffer as well as your daughter Brit”.

    How dare you?! To give advice from your experience or perspective is one thing but you have crossed the line with your implications and statements. I think it will take more years of therapy for you to be able to see that not all kids are the victims, sometimes THEY are the abusive ones (why else would there be juvenile jail), and that loosing your temper and yelling at someone isn’t an act of intentional child abuse, its being a human pushed past the point of endurance.

    You need not trouble yourself with a reply as I will no longer be signing into Tiny Buddha site. Over your last few posts, you have been judgmental and insulting and thereby have broken whatever trust I had in opening up to you.

    The next time someone suggests that you agree to disagree and move on, maybe you should.


    Dear anita,

    Yes, up until recently being “in the lead” was something that I did but only when there was no other option. It’s not a situation that I felt comfortable in.

    At the time of posting, I didn’t want to go into finer detail so I tried to sum up the situation. I think I probably did it poorly and lead to misunderstanding. So I’ll try to explain in further details.

    When I started dating Emmett, his oldest daughter “T” had just moved out and gotten married, so she was not in the house at the time. His other daughter, “K”, and son, “A”, were in and out (staying with Emmett for a weekend or a few weeks) between Emmett and their mother. “A” was breaking into his dad’s bedroom and stealing from Emmett and pawning what he could for drugs. “K” was sleeping half the day, wouldn’t shower or change her clothes for days, and all she did was play video games all day and half the night. This is what they did at their mother’s home and so this was normal behavior for them.

    Since their mother took them with her and moved away when she left Emmett, there was a period of about 12 years that he didn’t get to be in their lives on a regular basis. He got to see them when she allowed (usually when she wanted more money from Emmett). During this gap is when they grew into teens and 20’s. When they turned 18 (and mom could not longer control their interaction with Emmett) is when they decided to go see dad (life is greener on the other side of the fence). I think that Emmett wanted them to be with him. He loves them very much. ** This is where it gets hard for me to find the right words*.. I think he expected them to be the same quality of people that he raised when they were young. From what he has said, the kids have said, and other family members have said: He was a really good dad, while he was with them, and they were bright, happy kids. Then they went to live with mom for about 12 years. They came back to Emmett as I described above. I don’t think he knew how to handle their behavior.

    When we progressed to the point in our relationship of getting married, I moved in with my girls. He and I agreed early on in dating that we would treat all of the kids as “ours”. WE have 5 kids. Not His or Mine but OURS. We talked with the kids about this also and they agreed that’s how it should be. During this time, we set down some house rules: No stealing, No drugs, and everybody will do something useful around the house. For two of the kids this was not a problem since that’s how they were raised. For two of the kids, this was a problem because of how their were raised. “A” left because he wanted “freedom to find himself and explore” (is what he said) but in reality, he went back to live with mom. “K” left because she didn’t like being told what to do, and went back to live with mom. Ash got married and moved out. Brittany was in college full time and working, but she wanted to live with her grandparents (because they could afford her a lifestyle that I could not). So, all of the kids lived where they were happy. Please keep in mind that this progression was over a span of about 2 years.

    After we were married (all the kids live elsewhere), we still tried to build and maintain relationships with all of the kids. We had incidents with 3 of the kids that did not end well (which lead to a breakdown in the relationships). Only 2 of the kids have treated Emmett with the respect of a dad and built an adult relationship with him.

    We’ve been married 5 years, and Brit has just moved back in with us last year (when I had the stroke and heart attack). She is the only one who is local. The others all live in other states.

    Last year, when Emmett decided to move to our current home, he decided to sell the other house. My nephew, who also lives locally, was living with a group of friends. Emmett decided to try to “pay it forward” and help someone like he was helped with that house. We decided to give my nephew a chance to get into a home of his own. Emmett wanted rid of the house; my nephew wanted the house.

    When Emmett’s mother passed away 2 years ago, he came into his portion of the estate. The estate was to be divided between Emmett and his siblings (nothing was left to the grandchildren / Emmett’s kids). This did not sit well with Emmett’s ex wife / kids mom. She threw a fit and demanded a portion of the money. We instead tried to do for the kids directly. This resulted in the 3 incidents that did not end well. (Which I really don’t want to get into what happened). Emmett wants to make sure that what we have can not be TAKEN by the ex wife / kids.

    Honestly, it is insulting that you “think that the idea and initiative (and maybe execution) of his children to move out and be disinherited was yours, and that the idea to divide his money between your two daughters was also yours“. I do try to help people, who I see as being in need. Do I give thought of how it can benefit myself? NO. Do I scheme or manipulate people for financial gain (for myself or my daughters)? HELL NO.

    Two of his children abuse drugs. We didn’t expel any of them out of the house. We drew the line of “not in this house”. Two of the kids didn’t have a problem not using drugs, not stealing, not lying and were okay with doing chores around the house. The other three choose different paths that lead to where are today.

    I, personally, understand that sometimes therapy can help a person who is SEEKING help and WANTS to change. I have said many times that you were very lucky in meeting with a therapist who was helpful and useful. In the last 25 years, I have found 1 who truly helped me. Therefore, I can also understand that most people (who do not see that they have what the rest of us perceive as a ‘problem’) think therapy is a bunch of BS and wont even entertain the idea of meeting with someone.

    Sometimes you can’t “fix” or “help” someone who doesn’t want to be help. Sometimes you just have to accept that they are the way that they are and you have no say in the matter. Sometimes when you are looking for a way to do something good, you look around you for other people who are trying to do something good and you reward those people how you can.

    You can only try for so long to help a person out of a ditch. After a while, you get tired of fighting to help them. You get to a point when you say “fine, if you WANT to stay there and wallow your life away, go ahead, but I’m going inside where its warm, safe and dry”. You finally accept that all of your efforts will be rebuffed and you will only get sucked into that ditch with them.

    I think that I have said this before: I don’t give a damn about Emmett’s money (other than its starting to be a pain in the butt). I think that I pointed out HE has made decisions about what he wants to do. I’m not exactly sure how it turned out that I am the mastermind behind manipulating him. Two kids love him and either here everyday to help or show their support by calling and Skyping. Three kids treat him like crap, use him or ignore him. If your going to do something nice for someone, who would you pick??

    And yes, I know this is a barrier that I am facing and I will have to process through it … but right now, I am insulted and frankly a bit pissed that you would think such a thing.



    Dear anita,

    Alright, I’ve decided to face a barrier and see what I discover. Please feel free to ask whatever you’d like.

    I’m online today so I’ll be here for your posts.



    Dear anita,

    Your are correct. When examining myself, if I come to a barrier that feels uncomfortable, I my first response is to brush it off until I feel that I am in a better position (mentally and emotionally) to re-examine it. That’s why I often say that, on the first posting of an issue, I’m throwing a thought out and I will come back to that post and examine it again later from a more grounded perspective. For example, when I recently went back to my very first post and re-read them all, I was able to come up with some insights into my own situations.

    Back in school, I spent some time in the Debate Club (originally to try to push myself through my fear of being the center of attention while speaking in the classroom). I ran into some other difficulties. I realized that I view confrontation as a bad thing (I posted about this before) and therefore I usually avoid on subjects that don’t matter to me. I also realized that, on subjects that DO matter to me, I’m very passionate about and it becomes difficult for me to express the ideas that I’m trying to convey. I stumble on my words, become frustrated and angry with myself for not being able to make myself understood the way that I want to. This is a condition / situation that is still with me presently.

    The subject of being selfish (and I will try to find a better, more accurate word) is something that I would like to explore with you and discuss from a different approach than our previous posts. Parenting is an area that I get tripped up on regarding how to explain my thoughts (because of my own experience). Therefore, I would like to approach this subject from a first person focus (how I can deal with it myself).

    Before I go posing my questions and trying to explain myself, I want to see what you think about our next topic.

    I hope to hear from you again today! I will check in as often as I can for your reply.

    Until we talk again, take care of yourself

    ~ Shipp


    Dear anita,

    I had hoped to be able to pop back online shortly after I left earlier but my day didn’t unfold that way.

    Its ok with me that we disagree. I can respect that. I don’t doubt there will be other subjects where we have different points of view as well.

    There’s another subject that I would like to post here. This post is a bit out of left field but it’s the underlying issues that I really want to work out.

    I see some women that are always put together (hair, clothes, make up and accessories) and I am so envious. I can’t decide who I want to be so I can’t decide what it is that I want others to see when they look at me. Because I can’t decide, I have a lot of pieces and parts of nothing. Because I have pieces that don’t go together, I get frustrated and end up in sweatpants and a t-shirt with my hair in a ponytail.
    So bottom line questions:
    1. Why am I so insecure that I’m afraid to make a decision about what I want? I will admit that when I see other women, I do size up how they are dressed, etc. and in the back of my mind I, at times, think “is that how people see me?”. I fear how others see me.

    2. I hesitate to express who I am because I don’t really like who I am. I want to be someone other than who I am… I just don’t know who that someone is.

    3. I don’t do the little things daily in order to get what I want. I get lazy and apathetic and tell myself ‘oh, it really doesn’t matter.. its not like anything going to change anyway’. I guess I don’t really believe that I CAN make the changes that I want to.

    4. Am I over thinking all of this? If women everywhere have these same issues, then why do I feel like I’m alone in this thinking? How can I MAKE myself do things differently?

    I realize that if someone other than you reads this, they will probably thinks it’s trivial but it’s just an example of my inner conflict between what I want and what I actually do.

    This is a post that I intend to come back to again and try to work through over time. I don’t expect it to be an overnight process but this is something that I’ve talked with a counselor about but made no progress.

    Thanks for listening!

    Until we talk again, take care of yourself



    Dear anita,

    Hmmm, I think I have to disagree on this. A person, who is selfish (‘lacking in consideration for others or concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure’) doesn’t automatically correlate to inadequate parenting.

    In his case, he was a great parent while the kids were young and they all lived as a family. Then ex wife decided to take the kids and divorce him. For the next 12 years or so, they were raised by her. Once they each turned 18, they came to live with him (and brought the lying, cheating, stealing, lazy, messed up on drugs behavior with them). He tried to help them clean up their lives but they decided to go back to mom, who allows their behavior to go unchecked.

    There are some times when bad parenting leads to bad kids, yes … but there are also times (like you and I) when theres bad parenting but the kids come out decent, moral, law abiding people … and times when decent, moral, law abiding parents end up with bad kids.

    I’m going to post again in just a little bit but I need to take care of some things at the moment.

    Cya soon



    Dear anita,

    Yep, it is but when put together, my name is shipp…and that’s my legal signature, which I really like, so I go by Shipp.

    I understand where you’re coming from regarding therapy but unless she is willing to participate in the process, trying to force her would do more harm than good. There’s a long list of reasons why she is the way that she is, and most are not of her doing. I think Ive mentioned what a lovely person my ex husband is. I tried to stick it out for as long as I could (to try to get the girls old enough to make their own decisions because he always threatened tht he and his parents would take the girls from me if I left him) but when I decided that I was done, and just waiting for him to come back in town to tell him, Brit came to me and said that if I didn’t tell him to stay with his parents during his time in town that she would take her sister and they would stay on campus (she was in college) while he was home. That was instantly enough for me to realize that my daughter had been through enough too. Neither one of them will have anything to do with their father and it’s been 6 years since the divorce.

    My youngest daughter (Ash) is married. She lives with her husband and my granddaughter in PA. She adores Emmett. She once told me that he is more of a dad than her father ever was. Sad but true!
    Of Emmett’s 3 children, the oldest has royally messed up her life. The drama that we went through with her 2 years ago has put a major rift in the relationship with Emmett. They still Facebook comment but it was my who contacted her, when we found out about the Parkinsons, and asked her to call her dad. Same with the youngest, contacted him too to call.
    The middle (daughter) and youngest (son) used to stay with Emmett temporarily.. about the same time that we started dating. He couldn’t handle them. So I did. I told them that they would get out of bed before 2 in the afternoon, if they didn’t want to get jobs then they could do something around the house to be useful, there would be no more drugs, and if they were caught stealing from their father again they would be kicked out. I was a mean person, so they went back to live with their mommy again lol. Now keep in mind that they are all between the ages of 18 and 21 at the time. I was working 2 jobs and running 2 households (mine and Emmett’s) and he was working 60 hours a week or more.
    I think he’s sad, not that they don’t keep in touch, but that he thought he raised them better than how they turned out to be. He’s disappointed in all three. They’ve really just used him for all that they could get.

    It’s similar to the situation with myself and my family. He loves them but it’s too painful and too much drama to be around them. I don’t expect them to come around again until they think that they can get something (financially) from Emmett or his estate. That’s why he’s in such a rush to get an airtight Power of Attorney and Will in place. He wants to make sure that they can’t touch anything that we have if something happens to him. And he wants to make sure that Brit gets the house and Brit and Ash divide what’s left, if something happens to me. He says that his children have already TAKEN everything that their going to get from him. And, yes it’s sad but it’s true.

    Oh, update:

    Told nephew today that the house is going back on the market after Thanksgiving. He still has the option to close, if they can get cleared to but I’m not waiting indefinitely. Yay me!! lol

    Daughter decided to do some cleaning today (some people do Spring cleaning but I do Fall cleaning spree) so we cleaned baseboards, doorways, on top of shelves, did laundry, swept, vacuumed, scrubbed, the works. It was her idea. Go figure lol.

    I don’t have any deep thoughts, questions to pose or discoveries to share for this post. I think I’m still in recuperating mood tonight. I’ll post again tomorrow.

    Until we talk again, take care of yourself

    ~ Shipp


    Dear Anita

    Posting from my cell phone so pardon any typos lol.

    Thank you for your advice! By the way the S in Shipp is for Sherry.. but I didn’t want to have that attached to every post.

    As much as I love Emmett, he is a very selfish person. It’s not that he does it intentionally, he just truly doesn’t think not others. It doesn’t occur to him unless it’s pointed out to him. When I’m in the hospital, he’s so focused on his fear of losing me that he doesn’t support me when I need him the most.

    We have 5 kids total. 3 are his and 2 are mine. The daughter that lives with us is mine and the 3rd in line of the kids (2 older 2 younger). She and Emmett don’t and won’t make the effort to be closer to each other. They put me in the middle of everything. And yes, I’ve had the talk with them about it.

    Yes Brit needs therapy. I’ve talked with her about it but she won’t go. She is extremely introverted and shy. Has issues with depression and self worth. This is why I said that she has made such progress since she’s been living with me. And I do not want her to leave. I think that would be the worst thing for her.

    I’ve also talked with them about should anything happen to me that they would be stuck together.

    My home is a therapy in session and I do the best with what I know. The problem is when I have problems coping with a situation. When the therapist breaks down all he’ll breaks loose lol.

    I have to go for now but I will check back in later tonight.

    Oh!! Step monster texted today to ask if we were coming for Thanksgiving. Texted her back that we were staying home. One down now only my sister’s whining to deal with lol.

    Talk to you again soon.

    Take care



    Dear third most,

    I want to make sure that I understand the situation. Your girlfriend is ok when is just you two but the problem is when a group of people are around you when she is present, correct?

    I had problems with this type off situation also. It’s hard to explain how or why I felt this way but I did. The thought run something like “I don’t know these people. I feel uncomfortable with them here. I wish they would leave. I wish he would stop talking to them and they would leave. I can’t just walk away, its rude. More people are coming. It’s way too many people. Why won’t he quit talking to them so they will leave?! Why is he putting me through this?” Those were just some of my thoughts when in that situation.

    When you have social anxiety, you feel very threatened by certain situations. I would say that your friends gathering around is becoming a trigger for her. In a way, because you are stopping to chat and the party is growing, your at the center of her anxiety.

    Good news is that relationship is not doomed. If you love her, you can work through this, but it’s going to take some work on your part.

    Be mindful that she does have anxiety around your friends. When out with her, keep your focus on her. If a friend comes over, introduce them to her. Keep her in the conversation and involved. Keep the meet and greet short, tell your friend that you’ll catch up with them later, then get back to paying attention to her. You can tell her more about your friend that way she will feel more comfortable around them the next time they meet. If it’s a group, don’t hesitate to tell them ‘hey, I’m with my girlfriend now but I’ll catch up with you later’. And do catch up with friends and talk for a while, when she’s not around. It about balance.

    I’m guessing that she wants to feel like you are protecting her from the situation that’s she’s afraid of and not causing her more distress. If you let her get to know your friends, one on one, slowly, then her anxiety will lessen around them. I think it’s too many people at once that is overwhelming for her and she starts to panic. Show her that you are on her side. Shielding her from these situations will help earn her trust in you.

    The barriers that you mentioned are just her way of protecting herself. As you gain her trust, I think the barrier will start lowering.

    I hope that some of this helps. I think your relationship can work if you love her and are willing to help her with her fears.

    Best of luck,



    Dear XenopusTex,

    I previously read you ‘thoughts from a cell phone bill’ and now this one about finding time for love. I know that you are a short to the point, no BS type of person so I’d like to pose some no fluff questions for you to think about.

    If you met the woman of your dreams, when would you MAKE time to be with her?
    If you fell in love with this woman, would you plan a wedding around your work schedule?
    What about kids? Would you be there for the birth, birthdays, little league, family vacations?

    You’ve said that you want love. You also say that you can’t be without your phone in case the office needs you and that you get called into work on your time off.

    You can’t be in two places at one time. If you give 100% to the job, what is left for someone else in your life?

    I know your type of job is demanding, I’ve been in a similar position myself within the legal field. But something more important came into my life, my daughter. Only you can set the boundaries of work in your life. Only you can decide what is important to you. I’m sure that a professional of your level knows all about time management and prioritizing to meet your goals. You just have to decide what it is that you truly want in your life and do it. I’m sure there are people in your office that have a healthy balance between work and family life. It CAN be done, if thats what you truly want.

    I would suggest that you start by retraining the office that you are not on call 24/7 and that you have a life. Make boundaries of the calls and emails you will respond to after hours and on weekends. It can be done. Start out by using the time for yourself, things you want to do. After a while, when the office has started respecting you and your boundaries.. then start looking around for someone to share your free time with.

    I really hope this post doesn’t pissed you off, thats not my intention, but I really would like to see you stand up for yourself with your job and give yourself a chance to find someone to truly care for and love you.

    I look forward to your thoughts on what I’ve said. I hope you read it in the spirt in which was intended.



    Dear anita,

    Yes, indeed you were lucky to have so much time with a good therapist! It sounds like you were able to learn enough from him to be able to carry on afterwards.

    I haven’t posted in a few days because I had an emotional overload. Anger, frustration, helplessness… all kept rolling around like a pinball machine that I couldn’t control. I kept trying to breath and gain some control.. and then my daughter (25 but lives with us) decided to get an attitude with me over something stupid. I even very calmly told her “I’ve had more than I can take right now so just drop it and walk away. We’ll talk about this later”. Well, she can’t leave things alone.. just gonna have one more smartmouth, insulting comment. You’ve heard of the straw that broke the camels back? Well, I don’t even remember what she said but it flipped the trigger… I went off. I told her (and I’m omitting all the cuss words but you can probably guess where they fit in) that she could get a job, start paying her own car insurance and bills, and if she didn’t like that then she could move.

    By this time what little control that I had over the original emotions was gone. I bawled for almost an hour and cried so several hours after that. Self talk was stuck in severe negative mode and I felt too numb to be able to change it.

    It all stemmed from the situation of selling our other house to my nephew. This situation has been dragging out since July. The closing was supposed to be the middle of October, then the first week in November. It keeps getting pushed back, first due to the realtor, then due to the lender, then due to my nephew, then due to the inspector (who is now MIA and no one can get in contact with). My nephew already lives in the house, this would be buying his first home, so I’m trying to be patient. I keep saying “how much longer am I supposed to wait before I say enough is enough?” But I keep getting told “oh just hanging in there a little longer”. Now, the house is actually Emmett’s from before we were married but I have handled all of the details (1. because I used to do this for a living 2. It’s my nephew 3. Emmett does handle legal matters well). So Emmett wants the house sold so that he can have funds for his medical treatment and he wants to make sure his financial matters are firmly settled before his condition deteriorates (he wants me and our assets protected from being challenged by his children).

    So bottom line: I’m caught between 1. Nephew (thinks we should give him unlimited time for the closing and tries to guilt trip me when I say “well, maybe we should just say ‘it can’t be done and call it quits'”.. which means he would have to move so we can sell to someone else) 2. Husband (complains all the time about the delays but doesn’t do a thing to help the situation.. won’t talk to my nephew or our realtor, etc) 3. Daughter (cannot see that she is being taken care of and is not grateful for anything.. yet is steadily making plans on what to spend money on once the house sells.. oh and she complains anytime Emmett mentions something that he wants to buy when he house sells (I’m thinking IT’S ALL HIS MONEY!!!)).

    I feel like I am surrounded by ungrateful, selfish people who all expect me to either keep giving them what they want or they expect me to solve their problems for them because they are too immature to step up, make a decision and DO something on their own.

    Background story: When I was 17, I was homeless and lived out of my car, and when I lost my car..a bench. I was still in high school (A+ student) and worked a job at the same time. Then and since then, I know what it means to work hard (that’s how I ended up with the heart attack). I KNOW what it’s like to have nothing! I don’t care about Emmett’s money, or the houses or the cars or the toys. I’m grateful for things like kind words or deeds, my dog who snuggles with me, a roof overhead to keep me safe and dry.. small things in everyday.

    Sorry, I get so angry and frustrated with the people in my life (who are supposed to love me) who keep pushing and demanding more. I swear that I want to run away from home sometimes!

    Part of me feels guilty. When I had the heart attack, I made the decision to take a year off from working to see if by reducing stress I could go a year without having another heat attack or another stroke (I’ve had 2 strokes and a TIA Over the last few years). I also have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, thyroid problems, board line diabetic, sleep apnea, depression, anxiety, and a blood defect called APS. All discovered within the last 2 years. I’m only 47 years old. I wanted to see if I could give myself a year to heal some. I feel guilty because I feel like I should be working and brining in my own income instead of living off of Emmett’s money. I feel like a hypocrite telling my daughter to get a job when I’m not working (even though she’s 25, has a college education and I think she needs to get out in the world). I feel guilty because I’ve always worked hard and now I’m not, but when I apply for a job posting, I’m scared of another heart attack or stroke.

    Ugh!! I know that I’m rambling. I know my thoughts are scattered and that I’m jumping all over the place. I just needed to vent. I know things will get better. I know that I have so much to be thankful for.. and I am grateful. I just get twisted up sometimes and need to get it all sorted out and then I’m fine again.

    My nephew.. I can either wait for the closing or kick him out and start all over with a new buyer. Chances are better by just waiting a while longer before calling it quits especially with the holidays, it would be difficult to find another buyer and close.
    My husband: Tell him that I’m doing the best that I can and that I, personally, can not do any more than I am. Tell him that HE is welcome to take over the situation at any time and it won’t hurt my feelings one bit.
    My daughter: Is a work in progress. She’s come such a long way since she’s been living with us again. She’s so much like her father and his parents that it flips my trigger all the time. Patience, love and firmness are needed here. I do not want her to move out, we just need to work on the job situation and personal boundaries.
    Myself: I need to breath, spend some time alone, (away from all the crap) and focus on tomorrow being better than yesterday.

    So how did I do? Lol

    Thanks for listening to me vent. Pretty soon your going to start charging me by the hour for shrink advice lol.

    Until we talk again, I hope you are well.. take care of yourself



    Dear anita,

    Your view sounds very tranquil and beautiful!

    You said “it felt like magic and didn’t last”.. I’ve felt that so many times though the years and it’s lead to such frustration. I read something and it clicks.. makes sense.. but then a few days go by and I can’t remember anything I read or how it clicked. Memory is such a fickle thing.

    I wonder if you have been working with the same therapist since 2011? If so, you are very lucky and I’m glad you have a good one. Good ones are hard to find! I’ve been looking since 1993 when mine took a promotion and no longer saw patients. She was awesome!

    I’m going to make this a short post tonight and get some needed sleep. I’m actually drowsy…woohoo.. so I’m going going to try to take advantage of that lol. Will try to post again tomorrow night.

    Until we talk again, take care of yourself



    Dear Marie,

    Good alone.

    You ended the relationship. You are communicating nicely. Leave it there.

    Don’t put yourself, him, your family and friends into a situation that could cause more harm than good.

    Explain to your family that you broke up and that’s why he didn’t make the trip with you. I’m sure that if they knew you’d slept on the beach and cried for days, they wouldn’t be very warm and welcoming to him. Taking him to meet them now would be unfair to your family and friends because they wouldn’t know the whole truth.

    Who knows, maybe having family and friends all to yourself will help you and give you some comfort.

    Best of luck on your trip!!



    Dear XenopusTex,

    Time is yours already. To what and to whom you give that time to shows what is truly important to you; what you value most in your life.



    Dear anita,

    Reading your post brought tears. I’ve never heard the phrase ‘path walker’ but it hit me deeply. For so many years I’ve been trying. I started out trying to figure out how to deal with my circumstances. I then started trying to figure how to deal with my past. This lead me to trying to figure out my future. I now am beginning to figure out my ‘Now’. People in my life criticized me so much for my efforts. They never understood. For you to consider me a fellow path walker touched me. Thank you!

    As I read other’s posts that touch on something within me, it’s like I recognize a barrier in front of me. As I open myself, in order to respond to them, I pass through that barrier. As I pass through that barrier, I have to face myself and this helps a small wound heal.

    This is such a time of discovery and evolution for me. I have learned so much about myself by posting here and working it out. I’ve learned from your thoughts and insights. I’ve learned from what others post and by responding to them. All of this and Emmett’s condition has caused a shift within my family and how we interact with one another. It’s a strange sensation to be in the middle of this discovery and be fully aware and present while it’s happening.

    I don’t know what part of the world you are in but I’m in the USA. Next week is Thanksgiving for me. I am humbled this year because I have so much to be truly and deeply thankful for. Do you remember in my first post I mentioned that I wanted a much deeper quality of life? I’m in the mist of experiencing that now and discovery more each day. The richness of acceptance by others, the amazing gift of understanding and forgiveness, the closeness that is developing with my family, finding a kindred spirit and fellow path walker… and so much more. I am humbly greatful.

    Through the this process, I have been able to accept responsibility for the times when I have been wrong, find some forgiveness for myself and I’ve been able to forgive others who I felt wronged me. There’s a tremendous amount of peace in this process. I’m finally making the breakthroughs that I’ve wanted for a long time.

    I realize that my thoughts in this post are scattered. The weather has turned cold and rainy so I’m curled up on the couch, in comfy sweatpants, with my dog sleeping. My daughter is curled up in her chair and we are watching TV. It’s a nice cozy day so my thoughts are floating around today. In this moment, I understand the difference between happiness and feeling true joy. Most people (myself included) say they seek happiness. I think it’s true joy that they are missing. Appreciation for the almost perfect moments that are present every day, if you are attuned to them.

    Ok, I’m finished with my ramble for today, lol. I just wanted to capture these thought so that in time, when I need to, I can come back here and remind myself of all the blessings I have.

    Until we talk again, take care


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