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Finding time for love?

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  • #120213
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    Been trying to find time. How do you convince yourself to say no to the projects and problems and yes to personal time?

    #120225
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Xenopus Tex:

    You are a hard person to convince, in my experience with you, so you have a big challenge here. If you find an answer to your own question, let me know.
    anita

    #120228
    jeena
    Participant

    How? By saying… “Self, it’s time to say no to the projects and problems and yes to personal time” 🙂 Except the projects and problems will be there until you deal with them. Just maybe put personal time in the same queue as the priorities. Meaning, give equal weight to them all. Do a little here…a little there…etc. you know- juggle everything! That way, you’re actually not saying no to anything. Personal needs are basic human needs. You cannot actualize without basic needs met first anyway. At least according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

    #120231
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Its called being aware of one’s needs and balancing priorities accordingly.

    #120239
    Peppermint
    Participant

    Dear XenopusTex,
    it is good to hear from you again. As the others allready said, it’s necessary to make yourself and your personal time a priority. Have you tried actually scheduling (like a doctors appointment) time for yourself? Also fill this time with something that you potentially might like. You are more likely to actually make time for yourself when you enjoy that time.

    #120338
    Shipp
    Participant

    Dear XenopusTex,

    Time is yours already. To what and to whom you give that time to shows what is truly important to you; what you value most in your life.

    ~Shipp

    #120523
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    Shipp, I guess I need to go back and revisit priorities/values. Also have had a massive blast of negativity which not only makes me unpleasant to be around, but also makes me slower.

    #120551
    Jessy Mae
    Participant

    If it’s truly important to you, you’ll make time. If it’s not, you won’t. It’s really that simple.

    #120569
    Harry
    Participant

    Hey Xenopus Tex. I don’t know your history, so I cant’t connect to you at the moment, however; personal time is essential in life. Do not live life on autopilot. Be in control. You are what you think you are. So, if there is things you like to do, anything, find time and declutter and pursue hobbies. Spending time on yourself and learning through this process is what its all about. Funny thing is, I think about my personal time and life all the time, and you are just the opposite.

    Best of luck mate

    #120579
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Xenopus Tex:

    Finding time is in the title of your thread. Glad you found the time to post as much as you did in the last 12 hours. Your latest posts are remarkable to me, so I wanted to take a moment and acknowledge them. Your posts have Xenopus-Tex written all over them, very authentic to you: as direct and straightforward as can be, no bones about it, no euphemism, no political correctness, no walking on eggshells or dancing around an issue; lots of common sense (that is not common); witty, intelligent, very logical, sometimes entertaining and creative, sometimes crude, but always YOU.

    Here are some of the highlights for me, all from your posts of the last 12 hours:

    “Unfortunately, some things simply can’t be fixed. You can’t “make” somebody love you. Love is a personal choice that an individual makes…it appears that the marriage is basically dead with whatever outward displays being the relationship equivalent of say the autonomic nervous system’s final death twitches.

    People romanticize the past. Ever seen a place again that you haven’t been to in a long time? That “cozy” little studio apartment in the “historic” building on the “active” side of town turns into a cramped room in a partially collapsed building on the wrong side of the tracks when you get a chance to revisit it…People are afraid of losing what they have. They fear losing what they have more than they anticipate gaining something new.

    Maybe I’m exceptionally jaded due to my line of work, but you’d be amazed at how many women come into our office and say “he’s such a great guy when he’s not drunk, high, stoned, etc…you are afraid of a fight breaking out between you two at your parent’s place. Unless your family is a collection of utter misfits, this could be a serious issues.

    You can’t be everybody’s favorite person. No matter what you do, somebody won’t like you…I struggle with rejection at times too, but keep trying to remember something an acquaintance who was in sales told me: Some Will, Some Won’t, So What, Someone’s Waiting.”

    Now, who is waiting for you, Xenopus Tex?

    anita

    #120621
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    Anita, I am not sure who is waiting for me. Of course, given that my locale has the highest levels of STD’s in the state, it may be a question of what’s waiting for me 😛

    Been really crabby/pessimistic lately after watching the U.S. decide to self-immolate, and seeing the rule of “mob” supplant the rule of law at times. That, and the fact that I’ve been catching hell for things that I should not be catching hell for. Perhaps it is a good thing that I haven’t had much social contact this week.

    Ideally, I’d hope that it would be someone who: is intelligent; has common-sense; is independent; is at least reasonably attractive; is educated; etc.

    Singh, for a long time, I associated my job with myself. Now, I’ve been at that so long, it’s hard to change. And, at 39, feels like a challenge to find women who aren’t attached, who have some degree of common-sense, or who don’t keep repeating issues. I.E.: when your boyfriend and soon-to-be fiance with whom you bought a house with is utterly terrified to travel to Scandinavia to meet your financially well-off parents (and not flight anxiety), shouldn’t that raise some red flags?? And, when you kind of get the, um, er, um response from family shouldn’t that also raise some red flags?

    For a while I tried to dedicate time to introspection, somehow that got swallowed up. The month of December is utterly horrifying on the calendar, so kind of doubt that there will be much relief there.

    Sometime this weekend, need to find time to go out the range and practice. I used to find that interesting, and in a strange way, relaxing… now it seems almost like a hassle. Some of the law enforcement folks wanted me to come out and shoot their qualifying course this coming Wednesday. Now, to not look like a complete schmuck, going to have to go out and practice some (only gotten one short round of handgun practice in for the last year). Guy I’m supposed to be going shooting with scored 290 / 300 on the course for this year’s qualifying, not sure if the guy who scored 300 / 300 is coming too.

    Personal time is a strange thing to me. I nearly always have a cellphone with me, with my work phone synched with our email system, and I’m the #1 person to call when the fecal matter impacts the rotating air circulation device. I think I should start a list of the states and Canadian provinces that I’ve been called/texted in when supposedly “on vacation.” The last enjoyable “vacation” I had was a long weekend in Regina, SK where I said to hell with the phone and left it behind, and decided to just experience things.

    Part of the problem is that I don’t really enjoy much anymore apart from certain types of music, and I’m too cheap to buy a really good audio outfit.

    Not even sure what my hobbies are anymore. Look at doing stuff and just kind of think *meh*.

    #120627
    Shipp
    Participant

    Dear XenopusTex,

    I previously read you ‘thoughts from a cell phone bill’ and now this one about finding time for love. I know that you are a short to the point, no BS type of person so I’d like to pose some no fluff questions for you to think about.

    If you met the woman of your dreams, when would you MAKE time to be with her?
    If you fell in love with this woman, would you plan a wedding around your work schedule?
    What about kids? Would you be there for the birth, birthdays, little league, family vacations?

    You’ve said that you want love. You also say that you can’t be without your phone in case the office needs you and that you get called into work on your time off.

    You can’t be in two places at one time. If you give 100% to the job, what is left for someone else in your life?

    I know your type of job is demanding, I’ve been in a similar position myself within the legal field. But something more important came into my life, my daughter. Only you can set the boundaries of work in your life. Only you can decide what is important to you. I’m sure that a professional of your level knows all about time management and prioritizing to meet your goals. You just have to decide what it is that you truly want in your life and do it. I’m sure there are people in your office that have a healthy balance between work and family life. It CAN be done, if thats what you truly want.

    I would suggest that you start by retraining the office that you are not on call 24/7 and that you have a life. Make boundaries of the calls and emails you will respond to after hours and on weekends. It can be done. Start out by using the time for yourself, things you want to do. After a while, when the office has started respecting you and your boundaries.. then start looking around for someone to share your free time with.

    I really hope this post doesn’t pissed you off, thats not my intention, but I really would like to see you stand up for yourself with your job and give yourself a chance to find someone to truly care for and love you.

    I look forward to your thoughts on what I’ve said. I hope you read it in the spirt in which was intended.

    ~Shipp

    #120652
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Xenous Tex:

    Funny joke (first two lines).

    You wrote: ” I associated my job with myself.” Then, you are unhappy with the world around you, you come across defendants who display lots of no-sense and dysfunction in their lives, your mother still lives with you and you don’t like it- so no wonder your time and energy is mostly dedicated to your work. The world outside is not too inviting, is it?

    It will be very nice if I read from you one day that you indeed met that special woman who will appreciate and enjoy the authentic you and that you would appreciate and enjoy her, and that together you can have an… authentically loving relationship. It is a nice image, in my mind.

    anita

    #120694
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    Schipp: Those are three good questions. I wish I was better at time management. Lately have been spending time in a state of shell-shock trying to address things. The overlaying of multiple court scheduling systems on each other has resulted in chaos. Amusingly, even though I’m not at home much, there’s chaos there too. Basically everywhere I look it’s chaos. Kind of feel like the crew of the Bismarck when a good chunk of the British Navy was attacking it, or King Kong swatting at bi-planes (minus the screaming damsel in distress thankfully). Spend a ton of time trying to put out fires, and not so much on getting practical stuff done.

    I would like to think that I would make time for her.

    Larger scale weddings which require planning are, in my opinion, largely a waste of time and resources. There’s a “Staff (or stave depending on who you ask) Church” in a town about ~120 miles from here that I think was imported from Scandinavia. People out here frequently want to get married in the thing. My question is: what exactly does driving 120 miles to have various people say various words give you long-term that having those same people say the same words locally? The marriage ceremony is about creating legal fictions and establishing a package of legal rights; you could basically do the same thing with a written contract.

    As far as children go, kind of a question of timing.

    Bah, couldn’t get to sleep, now can’t keep eyes open. Will try to finish later.

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