May 12, 2016 at 11:33 am #104374trishaParticipant
Hello, I am new here… I receive the Tiny Buddha emails, but it must have been a long time since I have been to the site, because it has sure grown! You have some great articles!!
I am in my 50s and still trying to figure things out, figure me out, figure people out… Trying to adjust my expectations of people, because I am tired of being disappointed by people who show you one face and are really a totally diff. person. Trying to learn to rein in my emotions, not let people hurt me… they hurt me because I expect that if I am nice to them, they will be nice in return. Doesn’t work.. and this is extended family. That’s what is tough… if it was an acquaintance, then you can just move on. But when it is extended family, you are stuck with these people.
I realized today that if you put a plant in the wrong conditions (too little or too much sunlight) it will die… right? Some days I feel like I am in the wrong conditions, but changing it would be tough. I feel like I need sunlight and all the people around me are darkness… and I am shriveling up. But that is a mindset, right?
I need to make some changes and looking at this site to help me do that!!May 12, 2016 at 3:34 pm #104388
Hello anita (and my other sisters and brothers),
I just found Tiny Buddha about a month ago, and I think it exemplifies what the Internet should be used for – to create communities, and promote mutual understanding, not to isolate us in our own ideological bubbles.
I am 13.8 billion years old. My job is an art historian, but I really don’t make any distinction between different “parts” of my life; I try to live a creative, mindful life at all times. I am a citizen of the cosmos first, and a citizen of the US or a resident of my state, or anything else, only a distant second. I reject all boundaries that create arbitrary divisions between one person and another, between one people and another, between humankind and nature, between animate and inanimate nature, etc. We are all stardust.
And I am an apostle of peace. This started when I came out of a period when I had trouble sleeping and I felt no one respected or appreciated me. The reality was that I didn’t respect or appreciate myself; all I was doing was teaching about a bunch of dead artists and bringing home a paycheck. Plenty of people can do that. I would get upset with myself for the smallest things. And then I asked myself, what am I so mad about? Am I really angry that I burned the meatloaf? Or am I angry that I have nothing more important to do? And is my anger just a passing feeling, or has it become a permanent state?
Now, no matter how I feel, I just remember to breathe, because all senses, all thoughts, come from breath. And I hypothesize that the permanent state of anger, like the one I was in, is the cause of violence and destruction around the world. We are seduced by the mirage of worldly success, but like all mirages, we can never attain it. Not wanting to accept responsibility for our failure, or to admit that our life was all wasted effort, we lash out at others, not knowing who to blame for our failure, or why, or why it all even matters. So I have resolved never to use violence in any circumstance, and I am beginning to try to help others come to the same resolution. I believe all our problems – political, economic, environmental – are, at root, spiritual problems. We can have peace on Earth; it will happen when each individual simply says, “I am at peace,” and believes it. We make peace happen one soul at a time.
One of my new initiatives is a blog called Unconditional Peace; you can (hopefully) find a link to it in my profile page.
May 12, 2016 at 9:01 pm #104415
- This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by UnconditionalPeace.
Glad you posted. To clarify, I am not the owner of the site or an employee. I am a member of the Forums part of the site, just like you are a member of the Forums.
I have a lot in common with you: I too am still trying to figure people out, figure out life, adjust expectations… and of course, I don’t want people to hurt me, just like you. About extended family, are you really “stuck with these people?”
Isn’t it possible for you to not be in contact with them? If you need sunlight and all the people around you, as you wrote, are darkness, isn’t it possible for you to move away or otherwise have no contact with them???
I would like to communicate with you about this. Would you like to start a thread on this topic?
anitaMay 12, 2016 at 9:18 pm #104416
Powerful writing! What a powerful testimony of the changes in your mind and life and in only three paragraphs. If this is a sample of your writing, you are an excellent writer, says I! I would like to read more. Can you post the link to your blog here, on this thread?
Glad you posted here and looking forward to read more from you, on your blog and maybe here on tiny buddha. I like your message and your writing, both!
anitaMay 13, 2016 at 8:03 am #104441QiParticipant
My name isn’t Qi, but that’s what I call myself for the past 20 years (starting as my gamer’s name), so I think it is my actual name. I’m a man of 58, have a family, a very good and challenging job. I’m a kind of IT specialist, engineer and innovator. I work in IT R&D for a large company, analytics, big data. My kids are grown up, did good studies and are starting their own families. I live in Holland which is one of the happiest countries in the world. I love my wife and she loves me. We have intelligent and long talks about all kinds of things. I love to go home at the end of a working day.
I have nothing to complain about. I try to never complain either. I try to see the positive in everything. I remember past lives (if they actually existed or not) and that helps in understanding my goals in life.
My problem is that I’m not happy. I’ve seen many doctors about this, talked and talked. In the end there were the right pills (after many wrong ones) that finally helped a bit. The last doctor said I would have to take these for the rest of my life, then said goodbye. The pills take the peaks off my emotions, but don’t make me happy.
I have been looking at Tiny Buddha for many years, and other sites that might help. I’m not asking for an solution or even an answer. This is the first time ever that I write down my thing. Just to see how writing it down feels.
-QiMay 13, 2016 at 8:48 am #104442
I am very glad you posted. Your share is straightforward, clear. I like it. And assertive too, letting me/ others know that you are posting this to see how it feels, not asking for a solution or an answer.
You wrote that your work life: “analytics, big data”- I suppose analyzing big data? I like analyzing data and so your post triggers me, motivates me to ask for data and to analyze it so to solve a problem. This is my personal interest, motivation, inclination.
Please do post again. I would love to read more from you and if you ever want input, any particular kind of input, let me/ the reader know.
anitaMay 13, 2016 at 9:35 am #104448
Anita (and everyone else),
Thank you for your encouraging words about my writing. Writing is a part of my job, but it’s a much different kind of writing. There are so many bad habits to unlearn when you’re trained to be an academic writer.
I tried posting the link to my blog, but the post didn’t go through; maybe it violated this site’s posting rules. If you click on my username to the left of this post, then click on “Profile,” you should see the address. Definitely follow and share if you like it.
Peace.May 13, 2016 at 9:53 am #104453
I clicked your website and read the blog: what a delightful read! I was wondering about your statement that there is no “absolute truth”- will you be kind enough to explain it to me, what you mean by absolute truth, with an example or two?
anitaMay 13, 2016 at 11:08 pm #104488jockParticipant
Just want to say that I used to post here a lot and Anita would be one of the most genuine, authentic people I’ve met on the net. We may not agree on everything but can I just say, I am in awe of her attentiveness and willingness to see the good in all posters. And that includes myself. I’m not really an easy going person to be honest. Well, I thought I was but discovered that people can rub me the wrong way so easily. I can act like I’m the class clown and have no issues when in fact I have a lot of issues but you know what the main issue is? I am easily turned off someone’s personality. It is a sad admission, I know. I don’t have Anita’s ability to see the good in everyone. I have created a pattern in my life where I suspect other people are not nice. Then I will look for reasons to confirm my opinion. And of course I will find flaws. Anything you search for, you will find. Same as looking for the good. If you come from that perspective, you will surely find good.
So that’s my advice to anyone reading this. Find the good in others. Even if it is challenging at times. There is enough suspicion and hatred in the world. Why add to it?
Support Anita here. Support her, because she is an under-rated person, doing an under-rated job. Volunteer. No pay. Does Lori Deschene know this? Surely Anita should be on the pay-roll, Lori. Don’t you think?May 14, 2016 at 6:24 am #104505
You are something else! You are someone very special to me here on tiny buddha and you’ve been special to me for a long time.
Thank you for your words of appreciation. I am touched and honored to receive your appreciation.
Regarding seeing the good in other people: it may be true for me now, but it certainly was not. I believe everyone was born good but many do bad to others later on. So I am not blind to the fact abuse is rampant, common, widespread, starting right in the original family unit.
As far as being paid for my participation here, let me think about this idea. Well, I will tell you what I am not: I am not a person looking from above at all the “other” people in trouble and out of the goodness of my heart, I volunteer to help, altruistically. I am not a …saint of any kind. If I was, I suppose I would be bitter at one point, saying to myself: what am I getting out of this?
I don’t believe in saints, in ongoing altruism. I believe in Win-Win interactions, in self interest being necessary as a motivator. So I am here for as long as I Win, as long as it is working for me. Tiny buddha is my school and I am a student. And guess what: no tuition, and that is pretty cool!
Good to hear from you, jock, and best to you!
anitaMay 16, 2016 at 11:49 am #104680
In that blog post, I wrote, “that does not mean that there is no such thing as absolute truth.” I do think there is such a thing as absolute truth; perhaps my use of the double negative was a bit confusing. But there is no single path to it. It is a truth beyond the physical world, which is a world that we can shape to our tastes, and to our perceived needs.
How much of the physical world is of our making? Suppose I am in a beautiful natural setting, with no manmade structures. Does this mean that this setting is not of my/our making at all? Not entirely, because the setting can inspire a state of mind, which is of our making, and that state of mind can inspire action. That state of mind, and that action, is frequently born out of a feeling of insufficiency. Perhaps I want to enjoy that beauty all the time, so I build a home in that setting, thereby depriving others of the same experience I had. Or perhaps I join the environmentalist movement, in order to try to recreate this natural beauty elsewhere, thereby displeasing others who are struggling to live off the land, and see my environmentalist agenda interfering with their economic needs. Thus, imprisoning ourselves in the material world like this only leads to ceaseless struggle and suffering, and we lurch from one problem to another.
But what if we considered things as a totality? What if, in the above scenario, the beauty of the place itself was enough for me? What if it inspired an attempt to understand beauty as a concept, even beyond visible appearances, beyond the particular beauty of this one site? This does not mean that I have committed a sin as soon as the thought to build on the land creeps into my head; it just means that before I act rashly, I need to understand whence comes that impulse. Then I can accept that my imperfections, and the imperfections of the physical world, are perhaps part of an underlying metaphysical perfection.
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive to improve, but we have to realize what is within our power to improve through intention and action. In one of the forums the other day, I made a distinction between sickness and problems. A sickness is no fault of our own, so through the proper action, we can heal it. But trying to solve problems of our own making, without acknowledging the desires that led us down that wrong path, will only worsen the problems. That is why, for example, it is misguided to try to deal with a belligerent enemy nation through military action. It’s like digging yourself into a hole, and then trying to dig your way out. You’ll only end up deeper.
I am also not criticizing the environmentalist movement. I believe strongly in environmental protection, but it’s not something I want to force on others. All that would do is magnify the problem by making my problems other people’s problems. That’s what I mean when I say everyone has to find their own path to the truth. I have faith that everyone will realize the need to protect the only home we have in due time. If I could come to terms with my own lack of insight and understanding, anyone can.
I am getting to the point where things that I can’t control are more pleasing to me than my achievements.May 16, 2016 at 3:36 pm #104715
Indeed I misunderstood your sentence about absolute truth, not computing the double negative. You wrote in your first paragraph above: “It is a truth beyond the physical world, which is a world that we can shape to our tastes, and to our perceived needs.” I am trying to understand this very sentence: you are saying that there is an (absolute) truth beyond the physical world and that we can shape that truth to fit to our tastes and our perceived needs. If I understand correctly, I agree that people do just that all the time, and this is what religion is about as well as political propaganda (“weapons of mass destruction” comes to mind).
I agree with your distrust of politics and indeed, it is a mind boggling truth, to me, that young men are sent to wars that need not be fought. These are crimes of massive proportions perpetrated by politicians. it is a sad, sad truth.
Thank you for answering my inquiry and take good care of yourself:
anitaJune 4, 2016 at 10:19 am #106494NekoshemaParticipant
i’m not really new, but i’ve been gone for a while so i wanted to say hi. i’m busier so i don’t have as much time to go on the forums as i use to, but i still check the new articles daily, or every other day. lets see… since last i was on i’ve moved 3 hours away form the old town [and i kind of told myself to leave my negative emotions there so i’ve been doing a lot better] i love my new job, new apartment, and new city. i haven’t been effected by my depression in a long time, but money’s really tight so my anxiety crops up from time to time, but my boyfriend just got a job about a month ago so we’re slowly wiggling our way out. [still have a few months until we can breath again] my work schedule is different every week, so i’m currently trying to figure out a schedule to do stuff and i really need to just let it be. i’m use to a strict schedule day in and day out. now, i could open one day, but work the afternoon the next day so i’m like ‘well, i can’t meditate today, i’m working 3-close’ which i need to change my thought process on that point, i’ve gotten lazy lol.June 4, 2016 at 10:36 am #106495
Good to read from you! Anytime you are here, it’s a good thing. Glad you are feeling better in your new job, new apartment and new city, as well with the fact that your boyfriend got a job and there is hope for financial improvement. The changing schedule is interesting, any change at work can be welcomed, beats monotony…
anitaJune 13, 2016 at 9:33 am #107124KarmasodaParticipant
Thank you for the warm welcome! In my search engine, I typed: “Peace in a cruel world”. That is how I arrived here. What a find! A little about me. My spiritual beliefs derive from growing up Catholic and then at age 20, finding Buddhism which struck an internal chord- Bigtime! As a human being, I have a tremendous amount of compassion for others, love for my family, and respect for our differences as human beings. What I work on daily is becoming a better person. I am not perfect. As a matter of fact- far from it. What seems to make me content with myself at the end of each day is when I can acknowledge that I did some really cool things, I did some things that could have been a lot cooler (and perhaps gentler, kinder), and in the closing of the day I feel genuine peace and contentment within my actions. Acceptance is the key for me and it’s empowering for me to have learned that when authenticity is present and my ‘self’ or spirit is unmasked or unfiltered, I am truly present and content. I look forward to sharing ideas, thoughts,etc with you all.
Thank you. Have a Great Day!