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norit

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 73 total)
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  • #363635
    norit
    Participant

    Yes. Thank you.

    I don’t know how to move forward, anita.
    Actually, typing that, I suppose I do. I could look at a course to do from home, until covid has passed. Or something similar.

    #363529
    norit
    Participant

    I’m glad things have improved for you. I agree, and that’s how I’ve come to view my own anxiety. I know it’ll never go away but hopefully it is becoming more managable. Things over the past few years have gotten easier, but that’s because I’ve not tried many new things, and I know when I do try new things it rears it’s ugly head. I need to stop shying away from it and put myself out there again if I want things to change but it’s hard sometimes isn’t it.

    #363490
    norit
    Participant

    Do you have a generalised anxiety too?

    Thank you, I also hope so.

    #363465
    norit
    Participant

    Ah, I’m diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder. Actually I think a few things have floated around over time; panic disorder, social anxiety, depressive and agoraphobic tendencies. I guess when I say my mental illness, I mean my anxiety. I try to see it as separate to my personality and like to label it as an illness.

    I don’t think it’s visiting them that mantains my anxiety though. Being around them does make me very stressed, but I’m also anxious whenever I go out, or socialise. I can be anxious or depressed when I’m home alone.

    #363364
    norit
    Participant

    I’m not really sure. I’ve always been fascinated by psychology and with my own mental illness it would be interesting to study it, and maybe go into it as a job. It would be nice to help others. On the other hand I enjoy creative things, so to do some sort of creative course would be nice too.

    Mum is still an alcoholic, yes. My father and brother both get angry with her now. My brother can be really cruel. The atmosphere just depends really, it’s very unpredictable? Things can be ok but then suddenly someone will explode, and then it’ll be a tense 20 minutes and then quiet again. Same as it used to be.. it’s nice to live away. I find it quite difficult to visit as I don’t know what state mum will be in, and it concerns me to leave her alone.

    #363349
    norit
    Participant

    Oh wow. It’s curious that its time time of year again.

    Sorry I wasn’t very clear. We meet at my home aswell as in town.

    Before covid, I would go to the gym twice a week, was doing some home workouts, and had plans to start volunteering again, as well as look for some sort of social group. I wanted to look into a course to do as I like to learn. (I was volunteering last year, but stopped due to panic attacks in the work place and haven’t returned.)

    To be honest, even before covid, I was wasting most of my time looking at a screen. I play a lot of games and have some friends online I talk to. I try to go for a walk every day but that’s hard. I do some macrame, and have intentions to bake more, read, draw, and sew. But I’ve been saying that for years, and it rarely happens. I try and go to see family once every couple of weeks.

    I oversleep a lot. Bed in the early morning and sleep through until noon. I’m trying to get up earlier again.

    #363335
    norit
    Participant

    Thank you. Basically. Due to the nature of his work, if I went into town I would bump into him at least once per week and have a chat. There have been times where I’ve not gone out due to anxiety, and he hasn’t seen me around in weeks, and he would reach out to me. He seems caring towards me on some level, which I also appreciate. Either that or he is acting out of guilt.. or in those moments he has just wanted sex and I’ve not been there. Or all three I guess.

    He’s one of the only people that texts me, which is nice.

    #363281
    norit
    Participant

    It’s strange to read it back. Thank you for the reminder. I understand what you’re saying. I think you’re correct, I’m not afraid of hurting him. I’m definitely more at ease with him than I was with my ex boyfriend. I think I’m also not worried I can scare him away since he isn’t mine in the first place.

     

    #363049
    norit
    Participant

    Hi anita. It’s nice to see you. Thank you

    Mmm, I suppose I meant that dreamy comment more generally. I know most are finding life very difficult right now during the pandemic, and it’s been a huge upheaval for many. Have you been coping ok?

    Some updates. Have been living in my own place for a little over a year now. Enjoying the peace and quiet. Generally it’s okay, unless I’m struggling with mental health, and then I find it more difficult to look after myself. I started going to a gym group twice a week, currently cancelled. I was about to look into volunteering again in March, but covid.

    Something shameful I may aswell put bluntly.. I’m having an affair with a married man. To quote him,”he is using me for sex.” He’s made it very clear he doesn’t have feelings and doesn’t see it as being an affair as it’s just sex. I like him very much, and I know I should stop, it’s against my morals, and isn’t good for my wellbeing. Never thought I’d be capable of it but here I am.

    #293317
    norit
    Participant

    I didn’t end up going this week due to other things. Will see how this week goes.

    #292861
    norit
    Participant

    I shall ask.

    Can I keep talking here? I appreciate talking here.

    #292849
    norit
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I’m not sure what I’m missing. I think they were my excuses. I couldn’t focus on myself very well because I would be focused on my parents, and now all that’s left is to focus on me. Which is a good thing, and on good days I relish the opportunity, but on bad days it feels like a struggle.

    I think today is a bad day. I’ve been ruminating over ex bf. I’ve got the group tomorrow and had a panic attack thinking about it, and then it frustrated me that I’m not able to discuss this with my support team there which is what they’re there for. And then I get angry at him and myself (mostly myself) for being in this situation in the first place. I just want to move on but I’m not sure how to.

    On a different observation – have I done the first thing I mentioned today? Not feeling okay in myself, so start distracting or thinking about someone else.

    #292615
    norit
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I guess the fact that it’s what I was used to was comforting, changes are often unsettling aren’t they.

    #292495
    norit
    Participant

    In hindsight what I said didn’t make sense. I’m still looking at screens to distract myself, or to keep myself busy, but now it’s just to keep myself busy because I feel like I have more free time and I’m not sure how to spend it

    #292479
    norit
    Participant

    That sounds like a peaceful morning. 🙂

    Thank you anita. Yes – I put up the curtains my aunt lent me for now.
    I’m not sure how I have more free time. I think it’s because I’m not at home and my brain isn’t thinking about what my family is doing. I would spend a lot of time on the computer or generally looking at screens. I think it was as a distraction, but now I’m alone I don’t feel the need to distract myself so much.

    I feel generally disinterested in everything right now and hope this will pass.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 73 total)