Ashley,

Since we were kids, everyday we have been telling us all these delusional stories about ourselves. Every single day, we have been finding faults in us, criticizing us for our mistakes and believing in those stories which makes us feel that we are inherently flawed. Therefore, breaking this pattern will require time and efforts.

I think I am getting a hang of it but I am to, a work in progress. When my last relationship fell apart, I had no understanding to make sense of what was happening. I knew about eastern philosophy. So, I started looking and came across Buddhist psychology (Books) which was free from all religious trappings. There I learnt about how to deal with difficult emotions and how to look inside ourselves. A lot of questions were answered and my understanding about life started to develop. Put it this way, my break up was my wake up call.