@JJC thanks for checking in with me. I logged in today to write an update. So, around 2 weeks ago, he woke up in the morning and we had a really good talk. He said he wanted to see if he could improve and get back to how he used to be, and that he recognised his drinking and behaviour was having a huge impact on all of us.
I told him, I was prepared to try one last time. And I had dealbreakers- the two main ones being rage and pushing his insecurities onto me. I think I made it clear that if I feel like these have been broken, I will walk away. I think he realised finally, that in 21 years I have never given him a reason to believe I would be unfaithful and that he also needs to give me space. So I resolved myself to make a real effort and match his. He has had maybe 2 glasses of wine at dinner since in the last few weeks, has been eating much more healthily and exercising (guided by me, as I changed my lifestyle massively about 1 year ago). His moods have pretty much disappeared and he seems much happier. He has also done things like sign up for language lessons and has even volunteered to help the kids at the local school learn English.
While I am not 100% convinced this will last, I feel I owe it to our relationship to try for now and see how things go. He seems to have improved his confidence already, he is talking more Portuguese and he is out the house more which gives me a feeling of more freedom. Its only a couple of hours a few days a week, but it allows me to feel I can breathe again. I haven’t forgotten about how hard the last few years have been, in fact this change in behaviour made me realise just how bad it got, and that I don’t ever want to feel like that again. There have been no “eggshells” recently and my anxiety has reduced.
I have faith that he will continue, but time will tell. And if it reverts back to how it was, i know I can leave guilt free that i tried everything. I have never lost love for him, so i guess that helps, but its his efforts that will save this relationship not mine.
I hope you are doing well JJC 🙂