I think you have set yourself an admirable goal!

The words we use matter and the word complain can be troublesome as there tends to be various semantic reaction to it. For many to complain is negative as in to accuse, attack, whine, find fault, yammer, gripe… More likely than not when we complain we complain in this way with the result that people won’t hear the issue at the source of the problem as the dialog is likely to pivot to the personal.

A pivot to the personal to avoid dealing with the issue at hand is for many a conscious or unconscious strategy of avoidance – either way unhelpful if you’re hoping to improve the situation.

When addressing an issue we can “complain” or we can communicate.

To achieve your goal to complain less you will need to learn better ways to communicate when those you work with let you down.

Based on the book Crucial Conversations One of the first skills we must master in order to create a safe place for dialog is to master our stories.

When it matters most and our emotions kick in, we often do our worst – even if we try to convince ourselves that we’re doing the right thing.

Learn to create emotions that influence you to want to return to healthy dialogue.

Others don’t make you mad, you make you mad. You see and hear something, and then you tell yourself a story. That story triggers your feelings. Then you either act on those feelings or have them act on you.

Manage your emotions by retracing your path. Return to the source of your feelings. Separate facts from feelings. You can see and hear facts. Stories, on the other hand, are judgments and conclusions that trigger your movement to silence or violence.

And watch for three clever stories:
– The Victim Story that makes you out to be the innocent sufferer. Ask yourself, “Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem?”
– The Villain Story that emphasizes others’ negative qualities. Ask yourself, “Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this?”
– The Helpless Story that convinces you that you have no options for taking healthy action. Ask yourself, “What should I do right now to move toward what I really want?”

Good luck on your hero’s journey to better dialog