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Social anxiety will end my life

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  • #122496
    Jake
    Participant

    Hi everyone.
    I have this problem that I really want to get rid of, but every time i try it end up in a fail.
    I really can’t talk in any place with a lot people, I tried to, but it’s like my tongue is twisted. I want to talk to people, I want to participate in my classes, but i can’t, even though a lot of times i know the right answer, but i just can’t.
    I mean the words will literally not come out of my mouth, even if i tried so hard. I feel my heart beating fast.
    But that was not a big deal until the start of this semester, i have a class and the teacher of this class says that everyone have to participate in the class, he put 30% of the total grades on just participation in class. Every time i say, next class i will participate, but the semester will end in about a month, and i haven’t even participated once, i need to do it.
    Please tell me how to face this fear.

    #122508
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear jake22:

    Facing this fear will take more than one month, the time left for this class. I suggest you talk to the teacher of that class, regarding the 30% of grade, and explain to him your fear of talking in a group. Ask if he can substitute these 30% with a different requirement from you personally.

    As to your fear of speaking, how long has it been going on- since you were a child? Were you criticized as a child for saying the wrong things, punished maybe, somehow?

    anita

    #122583
    Dalal
    Participant

    Hello Jake-22,
    I had the exact same thing happen to me when I was in college (I just graduated). I took a service marketing class with a very extroverted professor who put a lot of emphasis on participation. He assumed people who dont participate are not interested in the class topic or are unprepared. Like you I did the work and knew the answers but every time he asked a question, that I wanted to raise my hand to answer, my heart beat would shoot through the roof. Like I just sprinted or something haha. Anyway I procrastinated participating in the class. However, by the end I wanted to challenge myself out of pure frustration with my own mind/body and raised my hand. The problem with me I think was that I felt like I always knew less than the person in front of me whether in a classroom or talking to a friend. I kept implanting the thought that I probably knew more than everyone in the class and that helped my social anxiety. I thought about speaking in front of people in all the wrong ways. I always thought that I needed to sound interesting, smart, and impressive. Now I know that thats never going to happen if I sit silently. A few times I said things in the wrong way and to my surprise no one laughed I just continued and fixed the sentence up and people were impressed with the thoughts I had. So its okay to speak and then take a minute to put your thoughts together again people won’t judge or make fun of you. Expression takes practice. I used to imagine conversations in my head to practice or even speak in front of the mirror (I know it sounds crazy but the practice helps!). The only thing I regret not doing is not talking to my professor. I didn’t want him to misunderstand my silence for not caring about the subject but just as something thats a challenge for me. I think people are too embarrassed to address these issues nowadays. I still find it a challenge to express myself but I try to do it anyway and I stopped caring about what people thought about how I spoke because it was better than them thinking I didn’t like them or was not interested. I had my fair share of people who misunderstood my silence as lack of interest or failure to care but in reality it was the exact opposite and now I dont have them in my life because I never told them just how much I cared. Im trying to change and improve by changing how I thought about them and this takes time. I figured if insanity is doing things the same way and expecting different results than thinking of these issues in the same way and expecting myself to breakout of the cycle is insanity too. So I changed how I thought about my issues and that helped change how I acted. Anyway my rant is over haha, hope this helps! Best of luck!

    #122585
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Jake perhaps you could sit right in the first bench, towards the side and then raise your hand to make the point. Have a question to ask your professor right after the class and mention that you get nervous though you do know what the answer it.

    #122663
    VJ
    Participant

    Dear Jake,

    I suggest you to do a web search on ‘Bach Flower Remedies’ to know full details on what they are. If it interests you then among the several flower remedies MIMULUS is a very effective flower essence for your situation.

    Read on to know more…
    (http://mudraguide.com/bach-flower-remedies-mimulus-and-nervousness.html)
    (http://www.bachflower.org/mimulus.htm)

    BFRs are available below along with several other online sites-

    Take care,
    VJ

    #122693
    Colt Bratcher
    Participant

    Hi Jake 🙂 Let me start by saying that not only do I completely understand your feelings but I’ve been there many many times myself. It truly is a sticky situation when you have the desire and will to be happy in social situations yet seem completely inhibited by your own self. So what really is inhibiting people like you and I? Well let me share with you a concept that has changed my life completely.
    Limiting Beliefs and Negative Self Talk.
    Every human being has beliefs and all these beliefs are created from experiences we have in the world. Where one child may excel in his Junior High speech class and the other child does not. Both children create beliefs from these experiences. “I can speak comfortably in front of people.” “I am smart to speak in front of others” are both beliefs someone might form from doing well in that class. Where as the other child may form beliefs such as “I am not smart enough or good enough to speak in front of class.” “My friends wont appreciate what I have to say.” “Ill stutter with my words and forget everything I have to say.” “I am just not good enough.”
    When you have a limiting self belief and encounter a situation where this belief is relevant ( or even throughout your daily life). The belief will pass through your mind as “negative self talk.” Some people call this “mind chatter” or “the thinking mind.” One important thing to realize is that YOU are not your mind. Being able to separate your thoughts from your sense of self is one of the most useful things you could do. This allows you to take a step back and look at your beliefs in a different light as soon as they emerge or reemerge. It gives awareness and awareness gives choice. There are many useful resources out there that can cover this “duality of self” in much greater depth than I can. If you are interested try googling it.
    So what are your limiting beliefs Jake? If they are anywhere CLOSE to being as evil and depressive as mine then you are in good hands 🙂 By the simple act of me not speaking in class when I want to.. My mind creates beliefs such as “Colt you really are not good enough for this.” “Its too late too speak up now because they will only wonder why i haven’t spoken before and then they’ll make fun of me.” “I obviously dont have the mental resources for this and i never will.” Beliefs are power. When you believe you cant do something then guess what you cant or wont do it. When you believe you are not worthy of love then you will never find love. Nobody in this world who has achieved great and admirable things did so WITHOUT believing that they COULD first. Would have Niel Armstrong suited up and jumped aboard Apollo 11 if he didn’t believe that he would make it all the way to the moon? I somehow doubt it. So believing is key! Easier said than done right?
    Well here is where I point you to far more qualified people who can help you Tremendously.
    We all know we have pressure points on our body. But whats the purpose of them? Well I’m not too sure.. but I do know that by following this seemingly ridiculous method of “tapping” on specific pressure points while verbalizing our limiting beliefs I experienced an almost INSTANT shift in perspective. It sounds hippie woo woo but you must try this for yourself. I felt the cliche weight of boulders lifted off of my shoulders. I felt happier and more willing to talk to people. I felt less afraid and confident about my future. It seems like magic to me even now.

    The Tapping Solution (EFT): The Future of Mental Wellness Has Arrived

    Also try reading this article. It opened my eyes up to my own possibilities in social situations. Instead of dreading them, now I let myself flow effortlessly through conversations. The result? A greater quality of friendships and a greater quantity people who truly understand and support me 🙂

    3 Reasons to Stop Worrying About Your Negative Thoughts

    One last note. Since you may or may not have just heard of the concept of limiting beliefs. Beware of the ultimate limiting belief that caught me off guard. The belief that you must “fix yourself.” For this is just as limiting as all the other 🙂 I do hope I helped in some way. Stay strong and stay humble.

    #122759
    VJ
    Participant

    Dear Jake,

    Here is more information in line with what coltbratcher has suggested on Tapping which is another great ‘Life Healing Technique’.

    Tapping OR EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques is useful for freeing yourself from any negative energy or emotions (also used for physical issues too).
    There are lots of videos and articles over the web explaining how to do EFT
    (http://www.eftuniverse.com)
    (http://www.emofree.com/)

    Since you are new to it, and are already frustrated with the problem (end my life in the title), here are some tailor made EFT tapping scripts at a small paid amount.
    The one you may be looking for is the ‘Social Anxiety Tapping Pack’ on this website below.
    (http://tap-easy.com)
    Also look for other titles on the website under the ‘Social & People’ section.

    The owner of the site Sonal Pandey will help and respond in case you have any queries/questions/doubts.

    Take care,
    VJ

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