“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over”
I thought i’d start with a quote because i feel like it highlights my situation.
I met my now ex 2 years ago. I thought he was charming etc. But he had a bad past, Jail time and a meth addiction that he at the time was clean from.
So I give him a chance. I am not one to judge. First 6 months were like a dream. It was perfect. We move in together and things start to unravel from there.
He starts becoming distant, more defensive. It took me by surprise because we never fought ever.soon enough he made my life a living hell. he was extremely abusive. he destroyed the entire relationship. i had to walk away from my house and what i built with him. it was an extremely painful situation. the breakup took a huge toll on me but i persevered and sorted my life out.
So here i was living my own life finally happy again after the bs he put me through and guess who decides to contact me again.. yip so he texts of a new number saying that it was all is fault he destroyed everything etc. then he admitted he was using me and to make things worse, he cheated on me. I stupidly took him back and fell for his nonsense. at that time i didnt know how good of a liar he really was.in 2 months he breaks my heart again. starts ignoring me, telling me to f off and find another bf. and he breaks up with me again. i knew he was back on meth. i was so hurt because i really thought he would change but no, he just became worse,
6 weeks go by and this time im a lot stronger. i was incredibly hurt but i wasnt going to let him get in my head. im successful in all areas of my life and im thankful for that.
soon enough, as if he didnt get the fact that he fuked me over so much. he contacts me by email because i blocked him to say that he was so sorry and he had a lot to learn.
I called him angry as to why he thinks he can just walk back in whenever he please. he is very manipulative. he made me feel bad into taking him back. i feel so stupid.
His ex contacts me to tell me that he sent her an email 4 days before he contacts me telling her the same thing. I hit him up about it and ofcourse he tells me shes crazy etc. I knew deep down he was lying.
More stuff comes out and his lies come out. we start fighting all the time again and his excuse is that its my fault because i should have forgiven him by now and that i need to get help to sort out the issues that he caused. he also lied about using meth. his whole family was distraught. he gets nasty and abusive. he got fired from his job because of his addiction. he had no money because he spent it all on drugs, his house gets robbed but i have a suspicion that he organised it so he could money for more drugs. its just say because he lives with 2 guys and their stuff got stolen too.
everyone has a feeling that he did it and we all ask him and he gets defensive. so as me being his gf, i try to support him. go pick him up because he has no car. and he demands me to stop so he can buy beer. im like how did you get the money? and thats when shit hit the fan. boy is this guy nasty. i cry as i drive him and myself back to my apartment and the whole time hes having a go at me and blaming me.
he then walks out on me telling me im a judgmental bitch. he was clearly using again because his face was all acabbed.
i write him a big email explaining how his addiction is destroying everything around him and how awful hes been.
call me up crying saying he needs help and that hes not going to lie anymore.
He calls a family meeting which hes never done and we all go. he starts off by crying again saying he needs help. result was that he was going to get help through counselling etc. his family tell him off for mistreating me and that he should be lucky i even took him back.
that was 2 weeks ago. He has been supposedly clean for that time but weve been having problems again.
Hes a very selfish person. i am very supportive through all the shit hes put me through but my needs are not being me. I ask him weather its right to have a relationship while hes getting clean and he reassures me that hes not going anywhere..
every fight weve had he blames my insecurities from his past mistakes and tells me iam too defendant on him emotionally.
I express how i feel but he doesn’t care.. today i got told to fuck off and that he doesn’t have time for my shit. i make his life hard and that i should get help for my “issues”.
sorry for the long story. I am deeply hurt. Maybe its my fault for letting him back into my life. I have now blocked him.
how can someone say they love you more than anything and hurt you so much? AM i wrong for holding on to his awful past mistakes?
IS it my fault?
Have any of you been with a addict and is it similar? just hurts so damn much