Dear ironwoman32:

You are welcome. When you are a parent, and you feel hurt, fear, pain, and/ or distress of any kind, two things:

On one hand, don’t put on an act, pretending to be happy and joyful. Don’t pretend anything.
On the other hand, do practice self discipline over how you express your distress.

If your face naturally shows sadness, let it be. If a few tears happen automatically for you, let it be, it is okay and a good thing for your children to see their mother displaying emotions. They need to know it is okay for them too, to be sad, fearful, etc., and to express it.

But do not turn a few tears to become a crying session, do not vent your distress to your children. Do not tell them the story or stories behind your distress. Be very short about the reason for your distress, never going on and on and on. Never tell your children anything like wishing you were dead, or life not being worth living, and such.

As you do tell them why you are distressed, tell them succinctly, and add a positive comment to the story, something like you being able to endure the distress, being strong enough to handle the distressing situation. The children need to know they are in strong, good hands, that although you are distressed, you are strong enough to function anyway, strong enough to take care of yourself and of them. This way they can remain as carefree as children need to be.

anita