I don’t usually turn to forums or things like this, but I’m hopeful to find someone who can give me advice, or wisdom.

I met my boyfriend about a year and a half ago. I’m American and he’s from an Asian country- I’m currently living here and under contract with my employer. We’ve been on and off throughout this time but we’ve loved each other the whole time. He’s met all my friends, even my family, and I’ve met many of his friends. I recently found out that his sister (who seems to be the alpha of the family) has been arranging his marriage with a girl from his hometown. She is the reason that we were on and off because he had been texting her and seeing her when she came to the city to visit (3 times). So I wouldn’t find out, he would hide it from me- but I always found out. What I didn’t know, but found out later was that he was interacting with this girl because if he didn’t, she would tell his sister and there would be familial problems. In order to avoid those problems, he did as his family wanted.

He just recently told me that he is to be engaged in April. That’s just a month away. He has told his family time and time again that he does not want to be with this girl, he even met with the girl to tell her that he wouldn’t go through with it. He claims he didn’t think it would go this far especially with him saying he didn’t want to and wouldn’t do it. However, he said that they will be getting engaged in April, so we broke up for the final time.

He came to see me and said he would fight it, because he did not want to be married to this girl. Nobody else in his family has had an arranged marriage, but his sister thinks it’s best for him to be with someone traditional; she would never accept me as a foreigner. He seems to go back and forth but he knows that if it doesn’t happen this year, then he will have to do it next year. However, I know in my heart that he will give in and do what his family wants him to do.

I’m heartbroken because I know he wants to be with me and he loves me and I would do anything to be with him as well. I’m hurt because he keeps going back and forth while hurting me and giving me hope. I’m angry because he should deserve to choose his wife, just as everyone else in his family has. He’s just giving in to something that is NOT the tradition, and not fighting for me like I think he should.

I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do..I can’t move on. Everything reminds me of him because I’ve been with him almost the whole time that I’ve lived in his country. Any advice, wise words? Thank you.

• This topic was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Megan.
• This topic was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Megan.