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My anxiety ruined my relationship/friendship how do I fix it?

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • March 8, 2017 at 6:57 pm #137705
    Marissa
    Participant

    I’ve liked this guy and been friends with him for three years, we’ve dated off and on but it was never the right time. He reached out in December because he needed a friend (his ex left him for another guy and got knocked up). We started getting really close and dating but for whatever reason I made all the mistakes of a crazy girl. He was so sweet he fixed my turn signal for me, took me to the doctors when I was sick, and brought me soup and tea. Then I went crazy, I tried to push him away, freaked out after our first kiss, cried after the first time we had sex, drove by his house didn’t see his car and accused him of cheating. The icing on the cake was when I told his ex who I was friends with that we were dating after he specifically asked me not to let her know destroying his trust. He then told me he didn’t want to date me that he still cared but we needed to work on the trust issues together as friends that he wasn’t going to date anyone else or sleep with anyone else that he wanted me he just couldn’t trust me. For whatever reason I couldn’t respect that and I kept pushing for a second chance thus pushing him further away. He started saying mean things to try to push me away, things that I knew deep down he didn’t mean. we had one huge fight that ended up with me telling him I was done with him and didn’t want anything to do with him that I later regretted. I asked him if we could talk about it and he ignored me and I later saw that he unfriended me on facebook. I didn’t take this well and ended up blowing up his phone and getting his friends involved. He finally called me back furious saying he never wanted to talk to me again, I begged for his friendship but he just told me to eff off. I’ve tried to apologize several times but nothing’s working. He’s been ignoring me for a week and a half. I’ve never felt this way about a guy before and I don’t think I could live with at least his friendship. I’m in counseling and I know if he gave me another chance, I wouldn’t make the same mistakes. I didn’t realize what I was doing until it was too late.

    March 8, 2017 at 7:51 pm #137773
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Marissa:

    Your behavior suggests to me that you need serious, long term competent psychotherapy. You need emotional regulation skills, ways to not react destructively to your anxiety and anger. This will take time, months. Is this behavior typical for you, in relationships?

    anita

    March 9, 2017 at 3:10 am #138199
    Marissa
    Participant

    I know that and I’m intensive outpatient therapy.  Most of my relationships have been abusive, this is the first guy that I’ve actually cared about.  I don’t want to lose him forever.  Once I fix myself do you think I can get him back?

    March 9, 2017 at 4:35 am #138209
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Marissa,

    With this guy the only thing that will START to make it right is Time. Don’t call him, message him, communicate with him via his friends, etc. Leave him alone. He knows you have emotional issues, but that doesn’t mean he can handle them now. He is freaked out. The more you approach him, the more he’ll remember the times you went nuts on him.

    I know this is bad news. Maybe in a couple years send out a tentative message “hey” or type out a long, formal apology.

    If it’s true friendship, he will eventually come back ~ as a friend. But on his timetable, not yours.

    Best,

    Inky

    March 9, 2017 at 8:06 am #138243
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Marissa:

    Starting three months ago, Dec 216, this is what you did:

    You accused him of cheating based on driving by his house and not seeing his car (no other evidence)

    You told his ex that you and him were dating after he specifically asked you not to (and you agreed..)

    You disrespected his choice to end the dating relationship by pushing for a second chance.

    You engaged in a fight with him and ended it with telling him that you are doe with him and wanted nothing to do with him.

    You reached out to him and disrespected, again, his choice (to not respond to you) by blowing up his phone and involving his friends in pressuring him to respond to you.

    At this point he is still not responding to you. And you are still interested in a relationship with him. You stated that if you are given a second chance you “wouldn’t make the same mistakes”

    My question to you: If you are sure that you will not behave similar to how you already behaved, that you are able to have a loving, healthy relationship with him, why do you need psychotherapy? You are ready NOW, for a healthy relationship, are you?

    anita

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