Dear Rich:

A terrible role to inflict on a child: to make one’s mother happy. It is the natural inclination of a child to take responsibility for a parent’s well being. To be given that instruction cemented that inclination, seems to me.

Regarding Mindfulness and sexual energy, this ineffective combination you mentioned: I think it may be because Mindfulness requires calm and sexual energy is not calm, it is excitement, a rush- therefore it requires extra-mindfulness, extra slowing down.

It is probably a good choice on your part to abstain from sexual relationships for the rest of the year, one month at a time, that is. Let’s say you get together with a woman friend and hold her hand-

this would be an opportunity for you to practice that extra-slowing-down, that extra-mindfulness. Notice how her hand feels in yours. Notice the thoughts in your head, rushing maybe. Notice your emotion, those sexual feelings rushing, pay attention and breathe deeply, slowly. When it gets too much, remove your hand from hers, distract yourself. (It will need to be a woman who will understand what you are doing, that is, not one to pursue you sexually, so to make this extra-mindfulness practice possible for you).

anita