Dear laelithia:

You want so much to be with him, I wish I could magically make it happen and that the two of you will walk toward the sunset hand in hand and live happily ever after.

Since you communicate with him currently, why not ask him to meet you for a conversation in a coffee shop or the like, a post-relationship conversation, an interview of sorts. Prepare your questions and ask him those questions, get to know him in a post relationship, quiet coffee shop (or the like) context.

A different context may take away from how surreal it feels now, and give you the “whole picture” understanding/ feel to him, to what was and what can-or-not possibly be.

anita