Hi Elsa,

This was really brutal to read. You took care of  a man who you love and still love but he left you after a successful surgery that made him not need your support anymore, but now you are wishing he would be there to support you as you are going through recovery for cancer.

I think you are right the only answer is time. But a lot of it has to do how you choose to spend that time. Usually I would suggest doing something you love, but I understand that chemo and heartbreak probably makes it difficult to get excited about very much.

You know what I found helps me when I am down or overwhelmed? Helping someone else out. You should try it. Choose someone who needs help and see if you can do something for him or her. I think it’s because focusing on someone else and the goodness you creates is a whole lot better for our happiness than focusing on losing someone we love or a disease.

Another thing that helps me get over someone is thinking about something about them that I didn’t like and anytime I am idealizing the person in my mind to “return” by thinking about the negative thing. It’s sort of reverse positivism that makes us feel more positive!

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Mark.