Ray this surely must be difficult for you to have to deal with. I can only imagine the pain and confusion going on in your life right now. There is so much going on here that I will ask you for time for me to think on it. But I will offer this. As an ISTJ it is well known that you have some very wonderful qualities. I think that within those qualities are some clues to very powerful assets available to you that you would find very beneficial in your healing. I think if you focus on those qualities, let go of what is going on, if ever so briefly, you will have more clarity in your thinking. By virtue of being human, the personality trait that you have (ISTJ) is also vulnerable to being dominated by serious issues such as the one you are confronted with. As a result of this domination, your higher qualities are overcome which makes it difficult, as you know, to think clearly. You should never apologize for crying Ray. Crying, as a symptom of being vulnerable, is a very normal reaction. It is certainly no indicator of weakness.

How long have you and your b/f been “official?” Are you ok with describing the “issues eith his ex?” I think you should try to find some time with you b/f, alone of course, and suggest that the both of you need to define with clarity, where you both really want to go as a couple. I think you both should also find in that time alone, opportunity to tell each other, honestly, what each of you mean to each other, given the recent reason for the history of this trouble. Maybe through that conversation one of you or preferably both, will come to an answer as to why the events before you two were casually dating, needlessly infect your relationship thus causing a breach in your trust. You said, “I keep getting these thoughts that I should break up with him before he breaks up with ne.” and “I just don’t know if at this point it is better to leave or stay.” I get a sense that this option is on the table. It reminds me of scenes in Western movies with two adversaries facing off and it all comes down to who draws first blood, who pulls the trigger first. This ‘maybe I should do it before he does’ thing is not going to be helpful to you should you want to be a part of making things work out. I say that because those two options side by side, stay or go, nurture doubt.

Have a sit down with him Ray and see if you both can come to terms as to where you both are really are at this point, and where you both are going. This is a good place to start healing. I really would like to see you post progress. Let us know.

Pearce