Dear Lisa:

I read your whole post of yesterday covering different topics. In this post, I will attend to the topic of why men did not and do not pursue you.

On June 15 I posted to you: “There are different possibilities to why men have not and do not pursue you: Maybe you discourage them; maybe when they look at you for an eye contact, you look away, and so they figure you are not interested. Maybe you often perceive that they criticize you and you express hostility and withdraw. Maybe you often look so distressed and unavailable that men figure you are not available for a calm, pleasant exchange. There are other possibilities, I am sure.”

In yesterday’s post you wrote: “I am looking for the answer of why men haven’t pursued me. I don’t accept that it is what I am putting out there. I get treated differently than other women and I don’t accept that it is my fault because I have been friendly…I don’t believe it’s me. I believe I am being punished. It simply doesn’t matter how I act. I am alone either way… If someone wants to prove me wrong go right ahead but no one wants to… The last you want to hear is that it’s your fault when you feel you are profoundly rejected. Great, not only do I have to accept being rejected but I get to take the blame for it.”

In my June 15 post to you, I did not assign you blame, which would indicate you doing something wrong. If a woman avoids eye contact with men, if she perceives criticism from a man when he does not criticize her and reacts by withdrawing, that is not her wrong doing either.

It is very unusual for a woman to have never been pursued by a man, not a single man, all through your adolescence, all through your twenties, your thirties, and at this point, most of your forties.

You believe that have not been pursued by any man because you are being punished.

Can you elaborate on this: who is punishing you by keeping men from pursuing you, why, for what aim?

anita