I am now a little over one week into a break up. The man I was dating moved to my town briefly 8 years ago for a year of schooling. I was 18 at the time. My brother befriended him and he always caught my eye. But I never knew him well or had much contact.He was in a long term relationship and so was i. Years went by and relationships ended. He took his break up badly and moved across canada where he has been the last three years. Last summer In June I took it upon myself to send him a message. He loves music and so do I. I asked if he would be going to a festival I was attending in Montreal. He said he was. From that day we started talking everyday. Although I spent the summer physically alone I did not feel alone inside. He brought me joy. At the end of July the festival came and we finally met. Since then we were in a long distance relationship. He came to see me in my town in sept and we seen each other back and fourth every 2-5 weeks flying back and fourth taking turns across canada. I didn’t realize he liked to party so much. He is 29 and still gets drunk each time he can like a 20 year old. He drinks a quart at a time. He could also go a few days a week drinking 6-12 beer at a time just sitting around. He also liked to get messed up and do acid or shrooms and MDMA at concerts or festivals he went to. He said he didn’t want to be like that anymore. Hebriefly dated a girl before me but never deleted her off social media or text. She broke up with him and left him for a man in Australia. She claims she did not cheat on him with the Australian but he believes the transition was too quick for that to be true.  She was another one of his friends sister. He said it was his best friends  sister and they were still friends. I tried to be grown up about it but kept a watchful eye. He eventually deleted her off fb but still had her on all other social media. I noticed she did not follow him on Instagram but he followed her. I did really love him. By bother thought highly of him and was happy about our union. Although I enjoyed his company there seemed a distance from him. I am a nurse and own my own home I’m my town. He is an electrician apprentice that lives like a gypsy. There would be times I said he must still have interest if he keeps in contact and he would deny. He never liked to talk too far into the future. I felt he would distance himself when we had to wait long periods to see each other due to our work schedules. He did show me love and affection but something was off. I spent the cold canadian winter mostly alone but feeling happy about my new relationship with him. I have a history of depression but felt sickly and unwell on my medication so I completely got off it a month ago. He got laid off April 1 and had been with me full time a month and a half. His lease was up where he lived so he went out for two weeks to attend to that. He came back and I had questions to ask that we’re driving me insane. He planned to stay until fall and we would take it from there. The day after he came back we had a discussion and to my shocking disbelief he thought we should break up. I could not wrap my head around how his bag was still unpacked from the day before at my front door and he was leaving me. How could he go from staying the whole summer to leaving the day after he arrived?he said we could be friends. I know that never works but at that time I wanted to be his friend. We talked a bit after and he just seemed like he just shut his feelings for me right off and had no pain. I was devastated. I had to leave my house ans stay with my parents all week. I noticed he looked up the sister on fb before he left  to deal with his apartment stuff before the break up. and I said why are you thinking of her and you’re not even friends on fb but you’re looking her up? He kind of shrugged. A few days after we broke up he read added  her on fb, she added him on Instagram and he liked a picture of hers.. That is when I blocked him from everything. I could not bear it. Realized that what I thought we were was something completely different than what he thought. I took it very seriously. I think he took it as a fling where I was very devoted and committed. I never cried so much in my life. Here for the summer one day then gone the next with what looks like plans to reconnect with his ex? How could this happen to me? I think I was starting to get depressed and this made me hit rock bottom. I have gone to talk to a professional and started a new medication. I still feel horible. First it was the sadness of this surprise break up and then it was the realization that maybe he was never that into me and I was so into him. I kept thinking maybe thus whole time this relationship was just for fun to him. Maybe he had feelings for her the whole time. I am having bad side effects from new medication. Can’t eat or sleep. Haven’t worked in a week.  I’m upset and confused and angry and sad and every other negative emotion you can think of