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  • July 6, 2017 at 8:53 am #156644
    BJ
    Participant

    I have/was dating a girl for the past few months. For the past month and a half she has been dealing with anxiety. It got bad for a little while. In the beginning she was going to the ER because she had no idea what was happening to her. In the past three weeks she has been saying that the anxiety when ever she thinks about us or after we talk on the phone. Our phone conversations are as normal as can be. I myself am a pretty mellow person who listens and I would hope i am not unreasonable and understanding. in the beginning we would talk for hours at a clip and would would talk every night with out missing. (except if one was out with friends later than the other) we also work together but we set boundaries for ourselves so to be professional at work. we both understand the consequences very well. SO over the past month while she has been trying to get the anxiety under control she had asked to take a step back in our relationship. Me having no choice in the matter have done so. She is seeing a Therapist now. she just had her second sit down. Before she said she want to take a step back we had a few unresolved topics. I sent her a letter about two weeks ago asking her if, If i should be starting to move on with my life, if she wanted me to hold on for a bit to try to work things out. The only response I have gotten from that is I have no answers for you and that she has needed distance to handle her anxiety. I get that but it has been hard to not talk to her the way we used to. I feel her drifting away. We still text every day but it is just small talk. We have small conversations at work and sometimes over the phone. I’m not sure how this is all going to play out. I have been trying to read as much as i can on anxiety and how to be with a person who has anxiety. I guess what I fear is that she is going to get control over her anxiety and with me stepping back and not pushing to find answers. That it will just be easier not to restart anything again. I have told her that all i care about is her health and i want to see her get better so i have been trying my best but i am suffering for it. The not knowing and the up and downs is getting to me. Should I myself just cut what ever was and move on or should i wait for her to address our relationship?

    July 6, 2017 at 8:55 am #156646
    BJ
    Participant

    To add to that I want to talk to her about it but i don’t want to overwhelm her.

     

    July 6, 2017 at 9:35 am #156656
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear BJ:

    It is not just about her health- your health matters too, and just as much. You have to attend to your mental health and get the information you need from her so to adjust your expectations of the relationship to reality. You don’t want to overwhelm her, so no pressuring her, but asking for information, I believe, is only fair.

    anita

    July 6, 2017 at 3:27 pm #156718
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi BJ,

    I too suffer from debilitating anxiety, and panic attacks. There were many times I had panic attacks so severe, I thought it felt like a heart attack, and had to go to ER, several times. I know how difficult and crippling it can be, and I had to stop dating for awhile and go on long term disability at work. I was also having other mental health issues.

    When I was hospitalized, I was put on medication for major depressive disorder, and two medications for panic attacks and severe anxiety. About six months later, I was able to date again, but I was honest with the man I was seeing when I began to trust him. He was very attentive and concerned and made sure I was taking my meds, and how therapy was going. It made me feel good that someone cared enough to talk about mental illness with me, and I would tell him, if I had another panic attack, although with medication and therapy they were becoming less and less frequent.

    I don’t know if your girlfriend is on medication to control what sounds like Panic attacks (since you say she was hospitalized in ER), but medication along with therapy is crucial when suffering with severe anxiety.

    It sounds like she is distancing herself, and why, I don’t know, especially when you both got along so well..then as soon as the anxiety appeared she is aloof to you. I don’t know if she is embarrassed about it, because there is a stigma attached to mental illness, and you both work together. I would just talk to her and let her know your feelings that you feel shut out, and when that happens, relationships will almost always fall apart. I hope things get better.

     

     

     

     

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