Hi Anita,

Sometimes, a lot of the time, I experience some difficulty in what it is I want to say. I call it, getting stuck. But thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I don’t sit around and try to assemble some meaningful kind words to say. They just happen.

What you said about PTSD being stored in a certain part of the brain is true. It is yet not possible for me to avoid the things that trigger my PTSD, but it is becoming easier to recognize the precursors that bring them to life. Yes, those visions are very real. They get triggered by things such as a helicopter flying overhead, by cars back firing, seeing ads for these war games either at a bus stop or a tv commercial, the games that the kids absolutely have to have. One HUGE event that triggers PTSD visions is when I am driving by a street construction site and a jack hammer goes off. There is, however, one thing that triggers my PTSD that shames me beyond imagination. This is very risky for me to say for obvious reasons as others who read this may think bad things of me. When I see a woman dressed in her Hijab I start to get very nervous and my mind goes on hyper alert. A month ago I was in the bank talking with the banker who was going over my account with me. At one point two women came in to the bank wearing their Niqab. When they walked in, their pace was fast and deliberate. As they went to the teller, I went on high alert, got physically nauseated, started sweating profusely, and reached toward my hip expecting to find my gun. This happens at any place, any moment, such as the grocery store, the park, wherever. My bank teller friend knows about my PTSD. When he recognized what was happening he put his hand on my shoulder and said let’s go outside. Not only does this experience resurrect bad memories, they also remind me of the survival guilt I have.

I must let you and anyone else who reads this and may be offended, please to know that I swear I cannot help it. These reactions are not conscientious. Nor do they reflect my true belief, in any way shape, or form, about these women and the culture. Sometimes when this happens I feel as though I stepped in a pool of quicksand of bad memories. Anyone who may be insulted by my reactions, I apologize profusely and know that it is not a real reflection of what I believe.

I am going to my beach now. It is my sanctuary. It is less than 1/8th of a mile away. When I go to my beach, there is nothing adverse going on in my life. I am at total peace there. Thank you for your understanding.

Pearce

• This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by PearceHawk.