Dear animalovich:

Your question, “is it wrong being sensitive?”- no, it is not wrong. It is healthy to be sensitive. Only what you described in your post leads me to understand that your particular sensitivity includes unreasonable expectations from others, expectations that will continue to lead you to disappointment, hurt feelings and sadness.

First, it is impossible for your wife, any of your loved ones, and any person other than you- to be able to know what you think. What you think and expect others to do- they don’t know about it. Not unless you tell them. And, of course, people are otherwise occupied, with their own thoughts, to be available to attend to you as much as you (unreasonably, perhaps) expect them to.

What do you think/ feel about my input?

anita

Dear Yassin:

It is heathy to be sensitive this way: if a person is hurting you and as a result you feel hurt, then you can respond to the situation by protecting yourself from future hurt, maybe asserting yourself with the person that hurt you. In this way, being sensitive, that is feeling hurt, is healthy as it leads to behavior that helps you.

On the other hand if someone is not hurting you, but you feel hurt anyway (for example, you expected a person to “read your mind” and do what you want them to do without telling them), then the feeling of hurt does not indicate that in reality, someone hurt you. And so, you don’t follow with behavior that is helpful to you.

Mental health is about our feelings indicating to us what is really happening, in reality.

You wrote that you are “confused and worry why i always expect the loved ones to act as i expected”- as a child, do you remember, being very alone, not seen, feeling distress and no one helping you, no one asking you what is wrong?

* will soon be away from the computer for hours.

anita

Dear Yassin:

You are very welcome.

When you were a child, you very much needed attention from your father. And I am sure you tried to get his attention, many, many times and he rejected you. Let’s say you drew something creative on paper and showed it to him with pride, but he told you to leave him alone. You were hurt.

Fast forward to the present: it is the same hurt that keeps being triggered. You still experience the same rejection you experienced as a child, from your father even when you are not rejected. Notice: some people may be rejecting you, but others are not. When interacting with the second group, you only imagine that they are rejecting you because they didn’t do what you wish they did, just the way you wished they would do something.

You “judge each emotional action… and if this action is not what I expected, I get sad!”

The key is to re-evaluate the meaning of people’s actions and adjust your expectations accordingly.

anita

You are welcome, Yassin. Post again anytime.

anita