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is it wrong being sensitive ?

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 4 months ago.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #158196

    animalovich
    Participant

    am a person very sensitive to people action towards me , and special to the loved one such as my wife and my family and my closest friends

    i judge each emotional action , i observe each emotional action towards me. and if this action is not what i expected i get sad !

    i truly dont know what should i call it ? is this being sensitive or being what ? i always have high expectation from the loved ones

    i give you an example : if i txt my wife while am at work and she does not reply with what i expect i get sad and worried and many thoughts comes into my mind with the attention that i require i get sad.

    lately am trying to help myself to let go the past and forgive my past and accept it as it is. and see things from a different perspective but i also need people opinion and help.

    sorry english is not my native language.

    thanks

     

    #158252

    anita
    Participant

    Dear animalovich:

    Your question, “is it wrong being sensitive?”- no, it is not wrong. It is healthy to be sensitive. Only what you described in your post leads me to understand that your particular sensitivity includes unreasonable expectations from others, expectations that will continue to lead you to disappointment, hurt feelings and sadness.

    First, it is impossible for your wife, any of your loved ones, and any person other than you- to be able to know what you think. What you think and expect others to do- they don't know about it. Not unless you tell them. And, of course, people are otherwise occupied, with their own thoughts, to be available to attend to you as much as you (unreasonably, perhaps) expect them to.

    What do you think/ feel about my input?

    anita

    #158294

    animalovich
    Participant

    hi anita , thanks for your reply , this is true i totally understand  and agree , i did not see it like this or though about it like this before.

    but i don't understand why being sensitive is healthy ?

    am also confused and worry why i always expect the loved ones to act as i expected ?

    many things in my head i dont understand !!! and that's why i came here to tiny buddha.

     

    thanks a lot for your time

    yassin

    #158298

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Yassin:

    It is heathy to be sensitive this way: if a person is hurting you and as a result you feel hurt, then you can respond to the situation by protecting yourself from future hurt, maybe asserting yourself with the person that hurt you. In this way, being sensitive, that is feeling hurt, is healthy as it leads to behavior that helps you.

    On the other hand if someone is not hurting you, but you feel hurt anyway (for example, you expected a person to “read your mind” and do what you want them to do without telling them), then the feeling of hurt does not indicate that in reality, someone hurt you. And so, you don't follow with behavior that is helpful to you.

    Mental health is about our feelings indicating to us what is really happening, in reality.

    You wrote that you are “confused and worry why i always expect the loved ones to act as i expected”- as a child, do you remember, being very alone, not seen, feeling distress and no one helping you, no one asking you what is wrong?

    * will soon be away from the computer for hours.

    anita

    #158314

    animalovich
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    yes i remember i had no attention from my father for the things i do , even i had friends that did not respect my friendship and they had bad talk behind my back.

    i was always creative with writing stories and other stuff , but no one is seeing my creativity !

    and also i had always been a good friend with people but had honest friends till i grew up and had to make a change and pick friends , but that took me time i mean years and years , am already 37 years. and i have only one friend , true friend i mean.

    thanks a lot for your help and time , i really appreciate

    #158326

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Yassin:

    You are very welcome.

    When you were a child, you very much needed attention from your father. And I am sure you tried to get his attention, many, many times and he rejected you. Let's say you drew something creative on paper and showed it to him with pride, but he told you to leave him alone. You were hurt.

    Fast forward to the present: it is the same hurt that keeps being triggered. You still experience the same rejection you experienced as a child, from your father even when you are not rejected. Notice: some people may be rejecting you, but others are not. When interacting with the second group, you only imagine that they are rejecting you because they didn't do what you wish they did, just the way you wished they would do something.

    You “judge each emotional action… and if this action is not what I expected, I get sad!”

    The key is to re-evaluate the meaning of people's actions and adjust your expectations accordingly.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 4 months ago by  anita.
    #158398

    animalovich
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    yes this is true , i have to re-evaluate the meaning of many things.

    am trying now to let go and accept my past as it is and not wishing to go back and change it.

    thanks anita for your help

    yassin

    #158478

    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Yassin. Post again anytime.

    anita

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