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Quickly Burnt Out

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  • July 18, 2017 at 7:37 am #158738
    Grace
    Participant

    I have a problem with commitment. I have discovered this recently, but I can’t seem to work out what exactly is wrong with me. I’m capable of liking and wanting to be with people,  but as soon as I get into relationships it’s like I shut down emotionally.  The feelings that have been built up and that I’ve cultivated fade so quickly and harshly that I’m almost unable to look my partners in the eye near the end. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had has been absolutely perfect and loving and sweet, but it’s like I can’t stay in love once I’ve fallen into it. I’m genuinely curious and upset by this, and I want to try and fix it but I’m not even really sure what’s happening. It’s like I’m emotionally unable to accept love when it’s given to me. Does anyone have any idea how I can get a grip on my emotions and try and help myself get through whatever is wrong with me?

    July 18, 2017 at 9:59 am #158798
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Grace:

    We shut down emotionally when we are afraid. You wrote: “as soon as I get into relationships it’s like I shut down emotionally”- so I figure relationships scare you. You asked why- my suggested answer, for your consideration, is that a very early relationship in your life scared you, one with a parent perhaps. One that you observed closely, perhaps the one between your parents..?

    anita

    July 19, 2017 at 4:52 am #158928
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Grace,

    I agree that shutting down is a protective measure.

    However, love is more than that giddy, ephemeral, walking on air feeling. It is being with someone when they’re sick. Enjoying their company. Dropping everything to help them with whatever. Sharing work and chores. Going through the “dam dailies” together. Sharing experiences.

    Love is a Verb,

    Inky

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