Angela I totally respect your perspective. I really think we are the same people no matter what age we are and the struggle is not allowing our experiences to cover up our true selves. In my case I have let my experiences rule my life and only a handful of people are able to see the real me inside. I don’t even rocognize myself anymore and it often feels like this negative force has taken over my life and I am powerless over it. I have been waiting for someone to rescue me from it.
I respect your experiences the only difference is the length of time that they have affected our lives.

Thank you for your empathy. I wish I was more embarrased by my situation because I had a family member once tell me that I really shouldn’t admit out loud that I have never had a relationship. I am way more secretive about it with aquatants and even a few friends. This is why I like posting on a public forum instead of people who know me. I often wish my family was more concerned when I was a teen staying in my room but I was firm and my grandfather who did try to get me help with a counselor eventually just let me do what I wanted. He was grieving his wife at the time and I don’t think he really knew what to do. The allowances he made for me didn’t really sit well with others in the family though. I just had a memory of my guidance counselor who I was in love with really expressing understanding for what I was going through. If everyone had been like him at that time I might have been less resistant to listening. I remember my female gym teacher stood there in the guidance counselors office and said she thought I was throwing a temper tantrum. Maybe I was. I had enough and felt powerless to bullying, to feeling used, to feeling that I was fated to be nothing special, being the recipient of verbal intimidation. Don’t know why that scene just popped in my head.

Angela I can relate to crying myself to sleep. I hope you do not do that as long as I have and hope you find what you want in your life. I feel for you and can relate to you and I agree, I believe that it won’t be forever for you or for me although I believe more in your ability.

I was raised Catholic and although I do find some things comforting there are many things I do not get and never did so when it comes to religion or belief rather I think it’s a very personal understanding that you come to. I am very open to hearing about all different perspectives when it comes to what someone believes. I approach it like those holistic flyers you see sometime that have different inspirational words and the flyer says take what you need. I do pray though for me personally but I am very open to all different beliefs

I have “friends” but I have difficulty maintaining a close relationship with anyone so I came to this forum for advice and an opportunity to communicate with people.
I absolutely should be doing the things I enjoy on the side but I don’t. I can only compare the reason I do not drive as to my views on living life. I won’t learn to drive because not everyone follows the rules. I won’t participate in a game if I know people might cheat. I do not want to be part of life with other human beings unless everyone is treated as equally valuable. I grew up with the thought that some are for reason just more valuable than others and no matter how well I behaved, no matter what grades I got, no matter how much love I could offer a person they will always see someone else as more valuable than I am. I don’t agree with that way of thinking. It’s just what has developed at a very early age. I literally decided one day in high school that I was going to my room and wanted to be left alone. My grandfather being the age he was compared me to Greta Garbo. Lol. I had heard of her name but I had to look her up in the library to see what he meant. When I was a teenager the library was my internet and it really was the only place that got me out of my room.
It is on my list of things to do though to get a better paying job hopefully in a stress free environment. Needless to say after losing my grandfather, the man basically taking care of me, I had to go into the cruel working world and it has proven to be a nightmare at times for me who really wanted to stay in my room and let me dream about the way I wish my life was. I was not spoiled or felt entitled is was my safety from the world even though I had enough to deal with at home from other people, not my grandfather. It’s wonderful that you take care of yourself and I as of yesterday will make a real effort to pay more attention to my looks. Getting in shape is part of that plan. I know it should be for myself but I think about how I can look and know it could help me in the relationship department or at least in the attraction department. If only I didn’t have to speak. lol

I agree with you that there is someone out there for you and for me and taking baby steps to improving myself. I read somewhere recently that you can make all the long term goals you want but if you don’t change your daily habits you will get the same outcome you have always got. I hope and wish for you to find your special someone to share your life with. Thank you again.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Lisa.