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Lisa

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 231 total)
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  • #348502

    Lisa
    Participant

    Anita thank you for asking, I had to work for all of March and it has been stressful and complicated between work and home. I am home from work until next week but it is not a vacation. I could probaly talk more later.

    Hope you are doing well.

     

    Lisa

    #348500

    Lisa
    Participant

    Zeeza thank you for your helpful post and for wanting to give me a worry stone. I actually do collect stones. Want to say more but not doing well right now and trying to change my mood. Just want to say thank you for the moment.

     

    Lisa

    #342398

    Lisa
    Participant

    Thank you Anita,

    Pretty well stuck at the moment.

    #340892

    Lisa
    Participant

    Zeeza,

    Thank you for your supportive post. I like the ideas you presented and appreciate them.

    I want to take care of pets when I have my own home and can be there most of the time. I do take care of other people’s pets though so I do spend time with animals.

    I also do try the other things you suggest like music.

    I believe in the title of my thread but I am not going to sound very optimistic right now.

    I want to say that I appreciate your post and I am sorry it took so long to respond.

    Thank you,

    Lisa

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by  Lisa.
    #338506

    Lisa
    Participant

    I apologize for the poor wording and typos above. I had just woke up, I type from my phone and I wanted to get out my thoughts quickly because I had to get ready for work.

    I know how to articulate. I am just not the best typist.

    #338502

    Lisa
    Participant

    Anita, thank you for your answer. I do often feel the way you describe in my core beliefs but you can include women in the basic creep description as well. Insecure women have to passive aggressively take down others.

    I appreciate your evaluation without knowing all the facts but I am not imagining bullying. I am very sensitive to it. My only problem is not being able to regulate my reaction to bullying through having experienced since birth and hormones.

    I have had people I should trust play games with someone they think they can to get me out of work and friendships. To not acknowledge that these people exist only in my mind does not keep in mind my intelligence. I have a problem with emotional regulation because of almost constant hurts but my mentally abilities are too much intact. I often wish I was blissfully unaware that I would be a happier person. People flock around others with problems (name them) but they treat women with hormonal problems and bully victims like they have something they should stay far away from.

    My biggest fantasy is to become very very very successful and go back to my places of work and let former abusers see they can’t do anything to me anymore and that I am untouchable.

     

    What I was upset about yesterday was because someone bought something that upset me as a vegetarian. They made a big deal to tell me what it was they were buying. I had been in trouble the day before because I left work after a parade of women who couldn’t possibly be that dense gave me a really hard time and one yet again commented on something she knew would upset me.

    Are there more people who are dense than I thought? I am starting to believe that. I always knew there were bullies but now I have to come to terms with this? No one puts up with my issues but I am supposed to be sensitive to everyone else?

     

    My mental abilities have got me physically in a place where I am surviving. I do not have hallucinations.

    Oh how I would love go quietly flaunt my success around everyone who pushed me aside and belittled me. How I would love to run the place and be their boss. I would treat them the way they should have treated me. Show them how they should treat others that they work with and make them work in an environment where they can not push anyone around.

    Poor little bullies. What would they do if someone made them behave themselves?

    #338386

    Lisa
    Participant

    I am right now alone in my misery again. I had to sell something at work that we do not normally sell. The customer caught me off guard and I had to be calm at work tonight because passive aggressive people upset me Saturday and I had to be calm tonight but I went against my beliefs in order to stay calm and not lose my job, my benefits. I am not even going to say what it was because human beings are insensitive creatures and I am not going to be laughed at or mocked.

    So now I am here crying and upset that I wouldn’t throw my job and my benefits away. That makes me a coward but I do not have help. I have no support.

    I need to be doing what I am supposed to be doing so I do not have to go out in the world and have to listen to the most vile disgusting hateful creatures to ever walk the planet. I hate humans. I hate them. No one stops these creeps from stomping all over the world and do whatever they want. No one protects the helpless and I can’t do anything. Good people who want to belong just go along with the creeps because they are weak and I’m alone.

     

    Why does the universe always put me in these awful positions?

    No one cares that I am upset or why.

    They have been looking for an excuse to get rid of me and throw me in a recycling bucket.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by  Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by  Lisa.
    #337742

    Lisa
    Participant

    Zeeza and Anita I will answer shortly. I am sorry to just be getting back to you..Thank you both for your posts. I will be able to respond in a few hours.

     

    Lisa

    #337332

    Lisa
    Participant

    Oh dear, I tried to make my above post visible and I am not doing a good job. I have to work everything out on my own. Somewhere out there is someone who feels everything is falling apart but people around them are with them. Making them dinner. Asking them to go on a walk. People think they are strong. They think I should be as strong as those that are loved.

    #337250

    Lisa
    Participant

    This reply has been reported for inappropriate content.

    http://No one Acknowledges me I do not look the way I did. I am not young anymore. They have no use for me anymore and they only had one use for me before. People only talk to me when no one else is around. Even then I have to initiate the conversation. People think I am stupid. People do not think I belong here. People only use my body. I can work hard and they diminish it I can be nice and they try to upset me to prove I’m not nice. I am liked only if I come in to work when I’m needed. I have to pretend none of this exists. I used to be pretty I used to be bright I used to be thin. I am invisible Affirmations don’t work for me

    #334482

    Lisa
    Participant

    Happy New Year Anita

    #324743

    Lisa
    Participant

    I wanted so badly for this to be a positive thread and I swore I wouldn’t post unless I could be positive but all that happened is for me not to be able to post for over 7 months.

    I am so depressed right now and the bullies are right there with thier smiles and happy to see me sad. The worst part is the good people that love me somehow support these bullies.

    I used to think that who you were inside is what made you succeed in life but that is not true. It is charming the right people and….

    Everyone that loves me….something always prevents them from spending time with me but people who bully me always seem to involved with me beyond my control and the people that love me dont see or think that these people bully me because the behaive differently around them.

    I am sad. I have had a couple traumas in the last couple months and I do not know whom to turn to.

    • This reply was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lisa.
    #287987

    Lisa
    Participant

    My eating consists of Breakfast Lunch and Dinner and I sit down for all three. I have been doing very well and have a lot more energy. I am also following an eating disorder app that has helped me before and is really helping me again. It covers all eating disorders. Mine is emotional eating.

    I have also rewritten my goals again. So many to work on but I am trying to consolidate. Whenever I get the urge to binge I think of what that keeps me away from and it has kept me in check. I am not starving myself. I am being extremely mindful of my choices and no junk food. I am also trying to make everything myself so not to rely on processed food. Drinking water too!

    I am not sure if I shared this before but I have an even bigger obstacle in something called maladaptive daydreaming. I have been relying on this since I was around 12 years. Anyone who knows how old I am knows how long I have been using this coping mechanism. I am completely aware of what is real and what is not so it’s not delusional. I have however used this as a way of coping with my situation.

    I do not engage in maladaptive daydreaming when I am with other people but a great deal of my time is spent on it. This is a challenge because I have become quite accustomed to it.

    Well anyway, feeling good about mu eating habits right now.

     

    #285713

    Lisa
    Participant

    Anita and Mark, thank you. Also, thank you Mark for the suggestion. I will look into it. I am very sorry for not checking in sooner.

    • This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lisa.
    #284779

    Lisa
    Participant

    Thank you Anita, I do have to think about what I can afford but how much has not going to therapy cost me? It might be worth it for me to pay. I definitely do not want to resurrect my old thread. I want to move away from my way of thinking and not entertain it. My way of thinking has created a very lonely life and a very difficult one. I understand what you are getting at by expressing my feelings it might be a help. It might help me at that moment that I do but in the long term it might not. I don’t know.

    I do have my own opinions but sometimes I wonder if they have merit. I often think they do but because they are unpopular I wonder if they do?

    I will get back to you. Work calls.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 231 total)