Hi Anita,

You are right about me being invisible. My parents cant wait for me to finish a story before they are telling me theirs. Friends take me for granted when i initially show i am easygoing. I know i give myself a harder time than anyone ever could but i guess i am not especially cherished. My ex urged me to do more for others, for charity. I felt drained from helping him. I would get to his house and he would say “before you sit down can you ABC and D”. I was a secretary, assistant in sales, marketing and purchasing, cleaner, not so much a cook (much criticised) and caretaker for him. In return, i obviously “needed to work on myself and spirituality”.

I know that he probably regrets his actions…in the heat of anger and his desire to chase after another woman (and thus, quickly get rid of me), i feel that now the passion is over..and the daily grind is present, he is probably starting with the doubts.

I recently decided to email him, to give him some stuff i was getting rid of. And he continues to blame me for his actions. He said the word BETRAYAL. Which i thought was very apt as that is exactly how i rightfully feel! At the same time, starsigns i have read are saying there is another person in denial about their actions, unable to confess and that they will miss an opportunity in love..this is very true. I cant fight this anymore, Its probably why he always had such trouble sleeping.

My friend that supported me through the first months of the breakup and basically got me out of the house, listened to my story..had admitted her own pain of still being in love with a guy that broke her heart about 4 years ago with a similar horrible betrayal, …she concentrates all her attention and love on her children and on getting by so she has something to focus on but suffers because she dreams of being with him and her pride wont let her tell him that because of the action he made….it seems like a curse.

This is the person i fell out with because although she helped me personally, at work she was becoming unbearably bossy and demanding. I felt we had enough friendship that i could tell her enough was enough when once again she overstepped and knew it..but in return she froze me out of her life. Once again, i lost someone close to me!!! in the space of 3 months. BETRAYAL

I know in all this talk, i was hoping i could somehow find a way out of this pain…it seems any actions i take just go wrong so i stopped trying. I dont have much of a life. But in painful irony my starsigns say i am meeting the love of my life this month, getting married, that its possibly an ex, that i have come into my own awareness etc. I seem to be endlessly fascinated to hear more and more. Im not interested in anything else.

There is nothing to enjoy. I miss being with my ex so much and i dont have the opportunity to meet the right people for me. I dont understand why i have had such a hard time, that all the times i have tried have not worked out. I see how it goes for others…within months they are dating again, meeting new people…fate has made sure there was no one around for me to meet, that i had no money to do anything. everything i tried was a brick wall. For months and months i looked for a dog to adopt so i could have company but eventually gave up looking when none of them were ok for an apartment. I tried starting tennis but it was too expensive, i looked at gyms and it was the same. I looked for groups i could join, there were none in the hours i had free. I went out a couple of times with my friend to bars..it was so horrible to be there again, i hated it…and being older i felt out of place. I have TRIED.

Now i am selling my apartment and moving out (also in the starsigns). i dont know what my future will be..i have no one, i am getting rid of a lot of things…i just want emptiness to match how i feel. When i met my ex i was renting, i only had boxes as side tables and he said it was pathetic. I finally finally got my first apartment..i moved in and he broke up with me, i felt like he was jealous i had done so well. i have really. its the only thing in my life that went well and i have to leave it…so it will again be just pain for me and leaving. Maybe i have to accept that i live in pain as a Scorpio? we are always told we are too deep, too intense. But i get attached and it hurts to let go.