Anita,

You wrote :”-right there could be your motivation to rush into marriage (at only 19) to a “hard working guy with a promising future.”

This is correct. I am very scared that I will end up alone as I already mentioned before, this is the root of my fear of being alone. Because my mother does not approve of me being alone, that ended up making me desperate to get married as soon as possible. Correct, Anita?

You wrote : “why is it her money, I wonder. Why not their money, hers and her husband’s? Was and is there no Partnership/ a We and Our, in that marriage?”

I understand that after marriage, your money becomes his money and his money become yours as well. That was besides the point. Financially, the marriage wasn’t equal between the couple. If the gap is not very big, it is understandable. I come from a country where most man must be the main provider for his family so for a woman to be the main provider instead, it is a bit odd. I am not saying that it is wrong, it is just not a common practice here.

You wrote : “couldn’t that well off family finance her stay in a hospital when she needed to give birth?”

Her family used to be well off. Her parents owned a store or something and since they are getting old, their store isn’t doing very well anymore. Both of her parents already retired now, so they cannot help her much – I think the fact that she can even give birth at that small clinic is because her parents helped her a bit with the money and let her stay in their house for a few months.

You wrote : “this is my point about being in a dark room with your mother having a flashlight, pointing to this or that detail. Without the whole picture, the way you put the details together may form a picture that is not true.”

I agree with you on this. There are a lot of points of the story that I must have missed. She can be very much content and happy with her husband and life, who knows?

You wrote : “Look where the flashlight is pointing: it is pointing to a handbag.”

Can you give more more details about this?

The handbag story was not told by mother. She does not even know about the handbag story because I never told anyone about it. As I told you above, we had an annual trip to Singapore every year, I often shop with her. This story is recent, probably a year ago. We went to a store and there is a bag that she wanted to buy so she bought it. I shared a hotel room with her, and she had hidden the bag inside some kind of a bag, and I asked her why did she do that. She answered that she is scared her husband will get mad if he found out that she bought a bag in Singapore.

I found it very sad. I do not know why but … to the point where you have to hide stuff that you bought? Isn’t it too much? I personally think she is free to buy whatever that she wants since it is her money.

I am not denying that the fact that I have this kind of mindset is influenced by mother`s teaching throughout the years. I became very aware of the things that she does not approve of and started to maybe really see the logical reason why. I think, she is trying to make me have the same mindset as her

-Mina