Sorry for the long post, but I needed to describe every situation we went through so perhaps someone could explain to me what actually happened here as I have no idea. Thank you. D

I met Alex through mutual friends. He was tall, geeky, ambitious, smart, charming. I could tell he liked me from the get go. We hung out twice after that, just the two of us, talking and enjoying each other’s company. Each time after I’d come home, he would text me telling me how much he enjoyed his time with me. I was in 7th Heaven.

Then he kind of stopped. He had mentioned these things he wanted to do with me, but they amounted to nothing. I felt confident enough to text him I really like him, but will get tired of the hot&cold approach. He asked me for a walk and explained he was super busy right now and suggested we should postpone dating for several months. I said I had no idea how I would feel about this in several months and I wanted to try something more than just a friendship right now. He said he wanted the same thing.

Now, I am quite an independent person, and I did not expect him to spend every waking moment with me, but for the first few weeks we saw each other on average two hours per week (he lives 20 mins away on foot). What was even more strange was that every time we would meet he would talk about our future kids, marriage, our long-term plans. The discrepancy between the time we were actually spending together and the topics we were covering – was enormous. And I didn’t know how to stop it. Honestly, I liked it. I had longed for a smart and driven boyfriend for so long. Okay, so things are slightly strange, but we’ll grow into it. Also, our time spent together was not planned out. It included random walks in crappy weather and a quick coffee near his work (as I tried to accommodate his busy schedule – he runs his own business). He told me I’d never see his flat (presumably it was a hole), and he didn’t at that time have money to go to coffee places or restaurants. Then I suggested he should come to my place.

I had a minor surgery and prior to this he had offered to help out around the house as this is what “good boyfriends do”. I thanked him, although I didn’t expect anything. I came back from the hospital on a Wednesday and saw on FB he was interested in a concert near my place the following day. I was confused. He was not offering to come over, but was willing to go to a concert five minutes away from where his operated on gf lived? I texted him on Thursday that I am at home and he is free to visit. He then texted me he wanted to drop by and surprise me as he “had an obligation near my place”, but was feeling sick (he has a lot of health concerns). I wondered why he called a concert “an obligation”.

Saturday comes and he is supposed to come over. He first suggests a walk (in crappy weather – again). I turn him down as I was on heavy meds and in no shape for a walk. So an hour before coming over, he texts me he is feeling super sick and is going to the ER. My phone dies and by the time I find the charger and start replying to him, he’s texting me he’ll go to the ER and than come to mine. He was at my house about 45 mins later. How did he know they would see him so soon at the ER and let him leave? He also didn’t seem to be sick when he came over. We had dinner, watched a movie, made out – had a blast. He left around 11 pm.

His bday – another incident . So I had asked him on few occasion whether he wanted me to organise something for his bday. First he said he just wanted to hang out with me, then he mentioned going out with his friends, then he snapped at me (via text) when I asked him where and when we would meet these friends (as our mutual friends were now asking me about this info). He told me he didn’t have the money or the time to go out for dinners right now (as if I wanted him to do this – it was his suggestion) – so I told him: ok, then it’s just the two of us. The day before his bday I went shopping for his present and around 3 pm sent him a text asking him when we are meeting tomorrow. No. reply. At midnight I wish him a happy birthday but also tell him I don’t understand why he is ignoring my text but we can discuss it later. I get a message in the morning I am threatening him (as I said we could discuss it later), I am insecure and need to see a shrink. He had taken some meds and was out of it for the whole day. He also had a project he had to work on that day he had forgotten about and sent a link to verify this was the case.

Then we go for coffee and I give him the present (we hadn’t seen each other for over a week now). He had gone on a business trip and asked me if I wanted anything from there. I asked for a rock from the road (as it was a historical place) because he kept telling me he didn’t have a lot of money. He told me he got me two souvenirs. I never received these souvenirs or the rock I had asked for. During this coffee he informs me he had booked a restaurant for Friday (a.k.a. our one month anniversary). I was so happy, but then he proceeded to laugh: but not with you, I’m having a business dinner! Freakin’ hilarious. During Friday he kept texting me asking me if I was really upset, I told him I was sad, he went drinking after his dinner and was driven home by his friend and his friend’s gf.

The one day he seemed not to be busy or sick, he decided to go hiking with his office buddies (one of which is my friend). I was invited but also warned it would be a proper hike, and I don’t really hike so we made plans to see each other later that day when he returns. I had tried seeing him Friday and Saturday before that, but he kept postponing it. On Saturday he told me to go to my friend’s party and we would see each other the following day (so the day of the hike). I wished him a nice climb to Mt North (made up name) to which he said they were not going to Mt North as there had been some changes. So I texted my friend asking her to meet me for coffee as they were not going. She then texted me back telling me they were on their way to Mt North. Imagine my confusion. I then text Alex asking him if he was ok since he wasn’t going (since he was always so sick) and he just wrote: we’re going to Mt South, don’t be so dramatic. I was so offended. But fine, I was going to talk to him that evening. That evening he texted me he was back from the hike and was hungry so we could meet somewhere in town. I turned him down, it was late and I asked him to meet me at my place as it was originally planned. Twenty mins later he texted me something had gone terribly wrong at his flat and he couldn’t come. I was so angry. I asked him why I was always the last person on his list – and he of course started telling me he doesn’t have time or energy to do this right now as he awaits for the repairman. He also told me he had planned to surprise me on Saturday but when I texted him I was going to the party, he turned around and went home (when earlier that morning he told me to go to the party).

I was upset and behold he came over two days later to talk it out. I told him I was confused by his behaviour and he said he had problems in communication sometimes. We ended up making out and he again – went home. I asked him to stay, I told him we didn’t have to do anything (romantic/physical), he said he felt like we had already done everything and then he went home. Apart from making out two times, we never did anything close to that.

Lastly he took me to a party and introduced to his friends. It was lovely. I could tell he was really proud of me. I thought things were looking up. Wrong. I went home to visit my family and we had made plans to see each other in a couple of weeks in a different town. Whenever I would try to have text convo with him (as we never spoke on the phone), he would cut it short by simply not answering my questions. When I complained, he mentioned his mental condition (he has some issues) and how he sometimes doesn’t feel willing to talk (but this was mid-conversation, and it was constant – if anyone was cutting our convos short – it was always him). He told me I was the only one making him feel guilty and if his world didn’t revolve around me, sh** would happen. I just didn’t get it. I stepped back as I was so hurt and confused.

Two days later he cancelled our appointment via text, telling me he can’t really tell me why, he’s sorry and we can talk about it when I come back (but not immediately as this issue together with his work was going to keep him so busy he won’t be able to see me for a few weeks). I lost it. I (via text) called him a coward, a liar, told him that now I wanted him to feel like sh**, that he broke me. We had a phone convo the following day in which I tried to convince him to stay with me, but he told me he was concerned about my stability and advised me to seek professional help. He said I exploded at him for no reason, that he tried so hard for this relationship and I was just looking after myself. I went back and forth between telling him I’m better off without him and asking him to come back (via texts), and then he went to his social networks and insulted me in an indirect manner (he is over 30). That was the end of it for me. I stopped texting and I moved on.

What actually happened?