Lisa24, thank you for your wishes. I do not give up but I always stop right before the biggest hurdles. I get into a good mindset and I get past many obstacles but when I reach one or two of the biggest hurdles to be where I want to be I fall down. Get depressed and then go back almost to the starting line and go through the same pattern yet again. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I have done this. I am not sure why I can not or find those last hurdles impossible but they are so big I just stop.
I often compare the scene in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland where Alice wants to get into the garden and faces the obstacles of trying to do that and finally sits down and cries to my own life. That scene really captures how many times I have tried to work out the problem only to end up in tears.
I am somewhat more optimistic today. Thinking about more ways of getting into the garden which is a metaphor for my dream life.
I agree with you about paying attention to small ways of getting there. Those small things I can do to improve my life…I am still thinking of them.
Therapy is very difficult to maintain on limited resources. I would love to still be in therapy.
I second your thoughts on Anita. She has helped me a lot these past months and I am in awe of her generosity in giving advice. I have been inspired by the advice I have been given here by Anita and others.
Thank you again and I apologize for responding a day later than I said but what I want to do and what I actually do sometimes are two different things.
Thank you,
Lisa
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 