Yes Anita he is aware that I have OCD and anxiety but I think he just puts my behavior as “normal” because he lied so much and just thinks it’s part of the rebuilding trust in the relationship process. Which to certain extent it is… but not to how much I take it. Aka asking the same question 100 times expecting a different answer always. I mean this has happened… I asked him about the girl for a very long time and one day he just decided to tell me.

I as well think his apology and emails and rants to me have been from a genuine place and for the first time in our relationship I actually think he’s shown remorse this last time around. I can see it. But of course I’ll always think there is something else or something WORSE that he would keep out.

A lie detector test would most DEFINITELY put my anxiety to rest… but that is just so ridiculous to me. Like is there any way else to deal with these issues besides going to that extreme? I feel like me telling him to hook up to a machine is the definition of a crazy girlfriend and if I need to go that crazy then I shouldn’t be with him. I just want to believe that what he says IS IT…. and even if he hasn’t told me everything about the past, to simply just NOT care about it and move on and realize whatever happened back then isn’t happening now and I know it’s not going to happen in the future because I know my boyfriend has changed and realized what he wants. Why can’t I just not care if there’s other things? Why do I constantly worry if there is more? If there is… who cares? We aren’t how we are now and we’ve grown from it. He’s not doing it roday and I know he isn’t going to months from now. He’s committed and grown up. Why can’t I get that?