Anita,

You wrote : “It is your thoughts of him in the present that give you comfort. You shared on your other thread that you go to places that you used to go with him, sitting where you used to sit with him. You do so to feel that comfort that he represents for you.”

Is it .. wrong? When things gets or feels very unbearable for me to handle, I would go to our favourite places and sit for 5-10 minute. I imagine him besides me, supporting me, and accepting me. Telling me how everything is going to be ok again. That I will make it out alive.

Sometimes I would cry,  some other days I would just stare at his empty position. and often, I would just sit, think and listen to his favourite songs. Imagining that he is right here with me, nagging about how I prefer Selena Gomez over Ed Sheeran. Talking about our favourite rappers and tv shows that are currently airing. Talking about life. Talking about college. Talking about … anything really.

Even the idea of him comforts me. The idea of imagining that he is here with me gets me through my rough day. I am back to my old bad habits, making decision based on what my ex boyfriend would prefer me to do.

Anyways – did you read what Lost Star have wrote about my ex boyfriend not rejecting me? Do you agree with her or you think that my ex did rejected me because the reasons of the break up was his distress that was caused by me?

I would love insight.

I will explain the whole “I realise how I became the person that knows myself the least” tomorrow, I hope you do not mind, Anita.

-Mina