Hello.

I recently found myself in an argument with my ex, who is now dating someone else. They started dating a week after we broke up and have been together since. I don’t think it’s a rebound, as it’s just the way my ex is. He dates new people within a week or 2 after a break up and to me seemed ‘numb’ to his emotions- he never opened up fully, and I think needs someone by his side all the time to cover up the holes. Our relationship was about 4 months, and was generally peaceful, however filled with severe attachment, neediness, and I never felt like I could trust him due to him being dishonest at times. My recovery after the breakup took much longer than I thought, mainly due to having to work with each other every couple of weeks until earlier this year.

Recently he sent a check up text which progressed quickly into an argument and series of ego driven texts, from him and myself. My original message was a to the point truthful (but kind) message saying I needed space and could not see any future for us together, even as friends. He said he understood, but then continued to tell me how he misses the SEX. Totally off topic, it really stabbed at the hurt that I had been trying very hard to overcome for the last year. It got the better of me and I sent some messages I now regret, bringing up how he lied to me, how he would never be totally real and honest with me, and how I felt used by him because sex was always the main focus of our relationship. The argument was very immature and I regret being sucked into it-  it was dysfunctional, going from him saying something, to me defending, to me attacking, to him defending, to both of us apologising to each other, over and over.

However after our apologies he still messaged me AGAIN about how he misses the sex (because it was apparently so good, perhaps the best he’s had?), even after all of what I had just said to him about how wrong it was he was bringing it up while he was with someone else, and how I needed someone good for me. The chat ended with me calling him a dickhead because it was clear what all he wanted was. I told him I didn’t want to be chatting about sex while he’s with someone else. And I said I felt my heart had been crushed by this chat.

Perhaps I overreacted. But now I am not sure if I should apologise to him for calling him names and judging his actions. Buddhism says to forgive and apologise all humans no matter how they treated you. However, when he has shown disrespect for me (needing space, and to find a good partner for me), and an unwillingness to truly care and apologise to me, is it even worth another heart felt apology?

My issue is that, I do have feelings of loneliness and unworthiness inside that I have been trying to work through, but this conversation has just dragged me back down into a depressive, unworthy state. I feel like what I needed to do all along was stand up for myself and quit all contact, but I haven’t felt strong enough to do it until now. He was my first relationship, so even though I definitely don’t want a future with him, he will always have that soft place in my heart.

I’ve talked to family and close friends about it, and they all tell me to walk away, that it was good I put him in his place, and he doesn’t deserve my kind heart. I know it, but I also am never rude to people, and unfortunately that’s the way it went with him.

Would it be appropriate to apologise for my rude behaviour, or to just keep the block and never open my heart to him again. If I apologise, I think he would just take it as another ego boost and opening to get back to me. Talking to eachother clearly means different things to us. I badly want to move on, but my overthinking is ruining it for me. It’s messing me over badly.

Thanks in advance if you read this.