Dear Samyukta:

You wrote: “I can’t shake that feeling of guilt”- if it is guilt over the termination of the relationship, I understand you taking 50% responsibility for it (the other 50% is hers). If your guilt is over your ex girlfriend feeling badly about you leaving the country, about her having an intimate relationship with another woman, about her taking pills, then my input is that you carry 0% responsibility over how she felt and feels and what she did.

50% responsibility for the relationship, roughly. 0% responsibility for her emotional experiences and actions. People in distress will try to give you more responsibility than you have, so to relieve themselves from taking responsibility for their own lives. It happens a whole lot.

anita